


An Eternity

by Silvaimagery



Category: Original Work
Genre: Action, Drama, F/M, Gen, Happy Ending, Mentions of Violence, Murder, Revenge, Vampires, mentions of werewolves, rreincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-28
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-30 18:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 49,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1021966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvaimagery/pseuds/Silvaimagery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnathon keeps having these nightmares, could they just be nightmares or are they memories?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this story on another site because I didn't know Archive allowed original work. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy it. I wrote this story in 2001, it is complete so I will be uploading multiple chapters a day.

JOHNATHON!

I sit up in bed, shivering and covered with sweat.

_Good-bye Johnathon. ___

__My heart races and it feels like it’s about to leap out of my chest._ _

__I feel like I’m going to throw up but I breathe deeply and the moment passes._ _

__It had been two weeks in a row that I’d had horrible dreams._ _

__I couldn’t remember them at all._ _

__I just knew that I was terrified._ _

__Something or someone was chasing me and there was fire, so much fire._ _

__I could feel the heat burning me and I woke to the smell of burning flesh._ _

__It didn’t make sense._ _

__“What is happening to me?” I whisper to the darkened room._ _

__I rubbed my face, then got up and went take a shower._ _

__When I came out, the sun was already rising._ _

__I shut off my alarm and went to get some breakfast._ _

__I had been living in California for about six months now. I had moved here from Chicago._ _

__I don’t know the reason why, I just woke up one day and decided to leave everything behind._ _

__I was a business man gone bookshop owner._ _

__I loved it._ _

__My mother didn’t understand why I was desperate for change; the love of my life hadn’t understood either._ _

__Violet hated it when I was always away on business, then she hated that I was so bent on change; a change I couldn’t explain because I didn’t know why I needed it either._ _

__I just knew I was looking for something._ _

__Something I needed to find soon._ _

__I felt a tension as I had tried to keep the life I had formed for myself. The anxiety threatened to take me over and the need choking me every day._ _

__So I left._ _

__I had kissed my mother good bye, told Violet I was leaving and went on my way._ _

__I wasn’t even sure of where exactly I was going I just let the need guide me._ _

__I went overseas to Europe first; the good mood lasted me a week only. Then I booked a flight for California and this is where I have found what I have been looking for._ _

__For the first time in years, I felt human again._ _

__The town was called Clovis._ _

__And this is where I have placed my book shop. Something about the old looking town put me at ease._ _

__As I said, the nightmares had barely started._ _

__The first time I had them, they were too vague for me to even understand. But as the days passed, they started getting more and more intense._ _

__Now it was so that I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing the fire._ _

__The sound of the screams tended to stay with me all day._ _

__By nine o’clock, I was opening my shop._ _

__It was cold today, cold enough to snow._ _

__But it didn’t snow here, which was good I suppose. Today there wasn’t much fog but even if there was, it wouldn’t keep shoppers away. Something about an antique looking bookstore had people intrigued._ _

__Business was always good._ _

__By ten-thirty I had already made thirty-five sales._ _

__When the shop was free of customers, I went to the back and started stocking up again and dusting the few tables I had._ _

__I heard the chime on the door._ _

__I went to the front but there was no one there._ _

__I went back to restocking._ _

__“Vampires.”_ _

__I jump at the sound of the voice, so close and the books I had been carrying fall at my feet._ _

__I turn to look at the young man standing behind me._ _

__Well, I say man because he didn’t look like a child. But there was something about him that made me feel like I knew him. Not that he was old enough for me to know._ _

__He didn’t look much like a man either; his face was smooth and young, devoid of any lines or wrinkles. He had large dark eyes and a small nose and mouth. He was about five-seven, kind of broad shouldered. His skin was a nice honey color, like that someone of a Hispanic heritage would have. His hair was covered by the hood he wore, the shadows making his cheek bones more pronounced. He wore a dark grey sweater and dark jeans._ _

__“Forgive me if I frightened you.” He says sincerely._ _

__His voice isn’t masculine either. It makes him sound thirteen, fourteen. But he also looks older somehow. So he must be fifteen, sixteen maybe. Although his eyes made me think that he’s closer to my age, older probably. Something about their darkness made me shiver._ _

__I realize with a start that I was staring at him like an idiot._ _

__“What can I help you with?”_ _

__I crouch to pick up the books I had dropped._ _

__He squats next to me and helps me stack up the books._ _

__His hands were smooth and his nails were long, longer than they should have been._ _

__I look away from his hands and stare down at the books I’m holding._ _

__“I’m looking for vampire books.”_ _

__I stand and he follows suit._ _

__“You like those?”_ _

__“I get curious.” He shrugs._ _

__I blink in confusion._ _

__“Well, I have four of them. They’re fairly new. Maybe you’ve heard of them.”_ _

__He shakes his head._ _

__I led him towards the fiction isle._ _

__“Here. I think they just made a movie about the first one.”_ _

__He raises an eyebrow._ _

__“I suppose I’ll have to rent it some time.” He smiles up at me._ _

__His smile is close mouthed and small, like he isn’t sure if he can smile completely._ _

__“The movie just came out in theatres. Kids here have been lining up to see that thing for days. Don’t you watch TV? ”_ _

__“When I remember.” He says shrugging dismissively._ _

__I frown at him._ _

__He picks up the first book._ _

__“I’ll just take this one.”_ _

__“Can I ask you something?” I say taking the book from him._ _

__“Alright.”_ _

__“Don’t get offended or anything okay?”_ _

__He smiles a small smile again._ _

__“Why do you talk like that?”_ _

__“How do you mean?”_ _

__“All correct and stuff. It’s weird.”_ _

__“Why?”_ _

__“Kids your age are all about the slang now. Sometimes I don’t know what they’re saying when they come in here.” I confess._ _

__He laughs quietly._ _

__“Well, thank you for being honest. But I doubt the kids you speak of are as old as me. This is the way I talk, it’s the way I’ve always talked and besides I think I’ll look stupid if I  
start talking all weird. I’m too old for that.”_ _

__“Yeah? How old are you?”_ _

__“Old.”_ _

__“Don’t be embarrassed.”_ _

__“It’s not embarrassment. It’s more like a secret. Do you understand Johnathon?”_ _

__“How do you know my name?”_ _

__“I heard some ladies thank you before I came in. It is your name isn’t it? Or would you prefer if I called you Mr. Manning?”_ _

__“No. Johnathon is fine. What’s your name?”_ _

__“My name?”_ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__He stares at me for a long moment._ _

__“Do you have a name?” I smile._ _

__“Damon.”_ _

__“Damon. You sure?”_ _

__He nods._ _

__“I’ve never heard that name before.”_ _

__“Well, glad I could teach you a few things today.” He says._ _

__“Any last name?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“No?”_ _

__“I don’t know you.”_ _

__“Ah, I get it. But you know my last name and I don’t know you either. Don’t you think it’s only fair that I know your complete name?”_ _

__“You’re a business man. Everyone is supposed to know who you are. I’m a customer, there’s a difference.”_ _

__“I see. Smart kid.”_ _

__“I’m not a kid.”_ _

__“Right. Sorry.”_ _

__I walk towards the register._ _

__Folks start coming in again._ _

__“Johnathon.”_ _

__I look at Damon._ _

__Something about the way he said my name was familiar to me but I couldn’t figure out what it was._ _

__“Yes?”_ _

__“Do you know that you’re too young to own a shop?”_ _

__I snort._ _

__“Right. How old do you think I am?”_ _

__“Twenty-nine.”_ _

__“Well you’re right, but I’m not too young.”_ _

__“Everyone seems to think so.”_ _

__“How would you know?”_ _

__He shrugs._ _

__“Good morning Johnny.”_ _

__I look up and smile at my neighbor Martha Stevens._ _

__“Good morning Mrs. Stevens.”_ _

__“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Martha?”_ _

__“Good morning Martha.”_ _

__She smiles and goes to look at the new book section._ _

__I ring up Damon’s purchase._ _

__“That’ll be eighteen dollars with fifty cents.”_ _

__He hands me a fifty dollar bill._ _

__“How do you know what people think?” I ask again._ _

__“I know.” He says._ _

__“But how? Are you stalking me or what?” I joke._ _

__“Or what.” He picks up his book. “Keep the change, I don’t need it.” He says and walks out._ _

__I stare after him._ _

__“Close your mouth.”_ _

__I snap my mouth shut and look at Martha._ _

__“Damon just left me a thirty-one dollar tip.”_ _

__“Nice young man. Handsome too.”_ _

__I sigh._ _

__“Martha.”_ _

__“He is.”_ _

__“I’m not gay. You know that, please stop trying to set me up okay?”_ _

__“Everyone needs someone Johnny. Me and my Robert were very happy for forty-two years. God rest his soul. I just want you to have that same happiness.”_ _

__“With an underage kid who might or might not be stalking me?”_ _

__She laughs._ _

__“Oh Johnny. The things you say.”_ _

__“It’s true.”_ _

__“So maybe he’s a little weird, maybe that’s because he likes you. You should ask him out and see.”_ _

__“Martha.” I say rubbing my temples._ _

__I could feel a headache coming on._ _

__“Or you know what? My niece’s daughter has a couple of girls your age. I should set you up with one of them. One is a teacher in Long Island and the other is a dentist in Florida.”_ _

__“I’m fine. I don’t want a relationship right now.”_ _

__“Violet again? You have to let it go Johnny. Move on, I think it’s time.”_ _

__“Yes, thank you for your advice. I’ll think about it and let you know.”_ _

__“That’s all I ask.”_ _

__“Good.”_ _

__During lunch, I went across the street to a family owned restaurant._ _

__They served just about everything._ _

__I walked in and saw that my usual table was free, so I went and sat down._ _

__“Hey John, what can I get you?” Frank, the owner, asks._ _

__“I think I’ll have the beef stew today.”_ _

__“Yeah. It’s really cold out huh?”_ _

__“I hope the fog doesn’t get worse.”_ _

__“The warning has been on all morning.”_ _

__“I’m just glad I live right around the corner.”_ _

__“Don’t brag.”_ _

__I laugh._ _

__“I’ll bring you some tea.” He says._ _

__“Earl Grey.”_ _

__“Coming right up.”_ _

__He leaves to put in my order, and then comes back with my tea._ _

__“Thanks Frank.”_ _

__“Sure.”_ _

__I sip my tea then look out the window to look at the shoppers passing by._ _

__The cup freezes half way to my mouth as I spot Damon staring at me from across the street._ _

__He’s standing at the door to my shop._ _

__I put my cup down and stand up._ _

__I run across the street._ _

__“Back for your change?” I ask once I stand in front of him._ _

__He looks up at me._ _

__“No. I just wanted to give you this.”_ _

__He holds out the book he had purchased._ _

__“What? You didn’t like it?”_ _

__“It was fine.”_ _

__“Then?”_ _

__“I don’t need it anymore.”_ _

__“But you bought it, it’s yours.”_ _

__“Well, I didn’t think I could read it in the store without buying it. People hate that.”_ _

__“Would you like to exchange it?”_ _

__“Not really.”_ _

__I stare at him, he stares back._ _

__“I don’t really understand what you want here.”_ _

__He sighs and grabs my right hand._ _

__His grip is strong and his hands are cold as they place the book in my hand and folds my fingers over the spine._ _

__He looks up at me and his eyes crinkle a bit though his lips don’t smile._ _

__He turns and walks away._ _

__“Wait!” I step out in front of him._ _

__He stops._ _

__“Damon.”_ _

__“Yes?”_ _

__“What is up with you man?”_ _

__“You think I’m strange.”_ _

__“A little bit.”_ _

__“And that frightens you.”_ _

__“Look, is there anyone I can call for you?”_ _

__“No, there isn’t.”_ _

__“No there’s no one I can call for you or no there’s no one you want me to call?”_ _

__“Both.”_ _

__“So you’re just wandering the streets returning purchases and giving money away?”_ _

__“Why not? Everyone needs money.”_ _

__“Especially kids like you.” I add._ _

__“I’m not a kid.”_ _

__“So you keep telling me.”_ _

__“You should get back to your table, Frank is about to bring your food over. If he sees that you’re gone he might think that you left without paying for your tea.”_ _

__He walks around me and goes on his way._ _

__I shake my head and go back to the restaurant._ _

__I sit down just as Frank comes out of the kitchen._ _

__“Here you go. I’ll go get you some warm bread.”_ _

__I look down at the book Damon had given me back._ _

__

__“Is there anything else?” Frank asks as he places the basket of bread on the table._ _

__“No thank you.”_ _

__He turns to walk away._ _

__“Hey Frank?”_ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__“Have you seen a young kid around town? He might be new here; at least I’d never seen him before. He’s about sixteen.”_ _

__“No, I don’t think so. Why? Is he causing trouble?”_ _

__“No, no. It’s just that there’s something about him that’s got me reaching for my paternal instincts. To tell you the truth, I didn’t think I had one.”_ _

__He laughs._ _

__“I’ll be on the lookout for you.”_ _

__“Thanks.”_ _

__**************_ _

__Damon came in the next morning and the next._ _

__He started hanging around and helping me._ _

__Sometimes he even tended to the register._ _

__It was so weird how at ease he made me feel._ _

__The nightmares had been at bay these last few days and I could really enjoy the day and Damon’s friendship. I’d never felt so completely like myself like I did with him._ _

__One Thursday morning he was already waiting for me._ _

__“You’re here early. What? You looking for a job?”_ _

__He smiles._ _

__“No. I just like it here.”_ _

__“Really? How come?”_ _

__“I think you’re interesting.”_ _

__“Me? Nah.”_ _

__“Well I think you are.”_ _

__I open the door._ _

__He walks in and I follow._ _

__He goes directly to putting up the new books he didn’t get around to last night._ _

__I go to turn on the lights and prepare the register._ _

__I glance at Damon._ _

__It was stupid but maybe Martha had been right._ _

__What if Damon did like me like that?_ _

__I like the kid a lot but just like a sibling or a close friend._ _

__How awkward would it be if he actually came on to me?_ _

__I shiver and shake my head to clear the stupid thoughts._ _

__Damon laughs._ _

__It’s the first time I actually hear him laugh so free and out loud._ _

__“What?” I ask curiously, smiling._ _

__He shakes his head a little._ _

__“Nothing.”_ _

__“Come on. What’s so funny?”_ _

__He stands and walks towards me, a small smile on his lips._ _

__“What if we all need someone?”_ _

__His gaze is direct._ _

__I swallow._ _

__“What?”_ _

__I was getting a weird feeling about this._ _

__“Everyone needs someone to love, right?”_ _

__“What do you mean?” I ask, half afraid of the answer._ _

__He walks closer and leans against the counter. Close enough that I can feel the heat of his body._ _

__I want to move or look away but I don’t want to offend him. And also, my legs were completely paralyzed._ _

__He leans in and I feel the briefest touch of his lips on mine._ _

__The chime on the door sounds loudly._ _

__I jump and open my eyes._ _

__Martha and the lady’s from her book club come in, chattering away._ _

__Damon is standing back by the bookshelves, books in his arms._ _

__“Good morning Johnny.” Martha says cheerily._ _

__“Good morning Martha, ladies.” I answer with a dry throat._ _

__Damon didn’t direct his gaze at me all morning and he was gone for the rest of the afternoon._ _

__The next day, Damon doesn’t show up._ _

__I’m relieved and kind of worried._ _

__I spent the whole day staring out the door, hoping I would see him pass by or that he would come in._ _

__He was a good kid and I didn’t want to lose his friendship because of some kiss or whatever the hell it was._ _

__We just needed to get it out in the open so that we could move on._ _

__He didn’t show up for the rest of the week._ _

__I could feel the tension starting to form._ _

__I was even higher strung because the dreams had come back with a vengeance. The tiniest sound had me jumping in fear and I couldn’t shake the loneliness and the coldness that  
I felt. I had even taken to going to the shop in the middle of the night and getting sleep there. I was beginning to think that I was going to have to go to see a shrink soon. I   
couldn’t live like this for much longer._ _

__It was a Friday night and I had tried to force myself to stay home. But the fear finally won out and so here I was, past midnight, standing in front of my shop._ _

__“You could get mobbed and you wouldn’t realize it until it was too late.”_ _

__I swear I almost screamed, and not in a manly way._ _

__“You scared the shit out of me.” I say trying to calm my breathing._ _

__“Sorry.”_ _

__I blow out a breath and force myself to unclench my fists._ _

__“I thought you’d left.” I say looking at him._ _

__I could barely make out his features in the dark._ _

__“Why do you worry about me when you have enough to worry about as it is?” He tilts his head and I can see the glittering of his eyes in the moonlight._ _

__“I don’t know. You seem like a good kid and you know, I enjoy your company.”_ _

__“I enjoy yours too.”_ _

__“You want to come in?”_ _

__“Sure.”_ _

__I unlock the door and we walk in._ _

__I go to turn on the lights and the heater._ _

__“So, where have you been?”_ _

__“I needed time to think about how things should proceed.” He says._ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__I can feel his stare._ _

__“I kind of got used to having you around here to help me.”_ _

__“Sorry. I thought you might need some time too.”_ _

__I turn to look at him._ _

__“Look, you don’t have to be weird about what happened.”_ _

__“I’m not weird about anything. You are.”_ _

__“I like being your friend.”_ _

__“I like being your friend too.”_ _

__“Good.”_ _

__“But maybe we can be closer.”_ _

__“Did you not notice the end of the sentence? You know like ‘I enjoy being your friend’, period. It doesn’t require you to add anything more.”_ _

__“I think I do.”_ _

__“That kiss or whatever the hell that was, that needs to never happen again okay?”_ _

__“I think I’d like to do it again. I only stopped because Martha and her friends were about to come in.”_ _

__“Are you listening to the conversation we’re having?”_ _

__“I didn’t want you to feel like you had to explain anything to them.”_ _

__“Damon, here’s the thing. And I need you to really pay attention okay? I’m not gay. And also, you’re underage. As it is, I don’t know how your parent’s haven’t realized that  
you’re not at school or why you’re out so late. Do they know where you are?”_ _

__“I don’t have parents.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“They’re dead.”_ _

__“Foster parent’s then?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“So you’re in custody of the state?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“That doesn’t make sense. Someone had to be responsible for you.”_ _

__“I’m responsible for me.”_ _

__“Damon. You’re just a kid.”_ _

__“No I’m not.”_ _

__“Stop it.” I snap._ _

__“What are you getting all worked up about? I like spending time with you. What does it matter where I live or who knows where I am?”_ _

__“I like spending time with you too but only as friends. And of course it matters where you live. You think I’m going to be able to sleep knowing you’re out on the streets or  
something?”_ _

__“You aren’t able to sleep now, so?” He shrugs and smiles at me._ _

__I stare at him._ _

__“Maybe I can make it better.” He says coming closer._ _

__“No, you can’t.”_ _

__He starts to unzip his hoodie._ _

__“What are you doing?” I ask suspiciously._ _

__“I want to show you something.”_ _

__“No. You don’t. Just keep your clothes on.”_ _

__“It’s not what you think.”_ _

__“Not what I think? Okay then tell me. What do you need to show me that requires you to take off your clothes?”_ _

__He smiles a little._ _

__“Calm down, the rapid beating of your heart is distracting.” He says._ _

__I frown._ _

__He starts removing the sweater._ _

__“I told you to stop. I don’t want to go to jail because some stupid kid can’t control his hormones.”_ _

__“I’m not a kid and this isn’t about hormones. You’re too late for that.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Sit down.”_ _

__I roll my eyes and walk over to the tables and against my better judgment, I sit down._ _

__“Didn’t realize it was amateur night at this local strip joint slash book store.” I say sarcastically. “I can’t believe I’m even letting this happen.” I rub my forehead._ _

__“It’s not even what you think.” He says again._ _

__He pushes off the hood and dark hair tumbles down like a pair of dark wings, the lights making it shine. The sweater comes off next and a purely feminine body with all its perfectly proportioned anatomy stands in front of me. The t-shirt stretches over her breast, the jeans defying her feminine hips._ _

__I look up at Damon completely stupefied._ _

__“See.”_ _

__“What the fuck?”_ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~= italics

“Don’t look so frightened Johnathon.” 

“I’m not sure I understand.” I say. “You’re a woman? I mean, obviously you’re a woman. I can see that.” I said gesturing at her body. “But what I don’t understand is why. Why did you pretend to be a boy?”

“It’s easier.”

“Easier?”  


“A woman gets more attention than I’d like. It’s easier for people to pass me by without asking me who I was or who I was with. They don’t care; boys can take care of themselves.”

“Damon or whoever you are.”

“Dharma.”

“Dharma, you can’t just put on clothes and disappear. People will still ask questions regardless.”

“Sometimes, but before you no one seemed to care. Once in a while I’d meet a person who worried. But they didn’t ask, it wasn’t their business. Not until you and only because I got close to you. Being Damon simplifies my life.”

“I can’t believe this is happening.”

Her eyes search for something in mine, and then she walks closer.

“The answer is still no.” I say.

She kneels in front of me, her hands on my thighs, and the coldness of them seeps into my legs.

I grab her hands to stop them as she moves them up higher.

“Did you hear what I said or is that something you do to simplify your life as well?”

“You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

“I’m not afraid. I worry about prison.”

“There will be no prison.”

“Yeah right, because cops are so bent on letting child molesters go free.”

“I’m not underage and no one has to know. Let me help you.” She says softly.

“You can’t.”

“Let me try.”

Her lips touch mine.

I tried to fight it, but I gave up and gave in to the feeling.

I kiss her back, my hands twining in her thick hair.

~Johnathon.~ 

__Her lips move to my neck._ _

_~Don’t be afraid.~_

_~Close your eyes.~_

_~Don’t be afraid.~_

_~Sleep.~_

__A sting catches me off guard but it passes quickly and in its place there came a sensation of nothingness. Like I had been numbed from the inside out and I was floating, finally  
free._ _

__****************_ _

__The need to eat finally made me open my eyes._ _

__I blinked and stretched._ _

__I was so comfortable; I cursed my stomach for making me wake up._ _

__I stared up at the familiar ceiling._ _

__It was then that I realized I was lying on my bed._ _

__I sit up, the blankets pooling at my waist._ _

__I look at the clock._ _

__It read: Mon. November 15 4:45 pm._ _

__Monday._ _

__I had been at the shop Friday night._ _

__It was Monday._ _

__I had slept through almost three days._ _

__My heart began to beat faster._ _

__How did I get home?_ _

__I couldn’t remember anything._ _

_~Don’t be afraid.~_

__I raise my eyes, half expecting someone to be standing there._ _

__I listened closely._ _

__I could barely make out a noise._ _

__I grabbed the bat out of my closet and walked out of my room slowly._ _

__My cat Archie meowed from somewhere in the kitchen._ _

__“Good cat.”_ _

__Dharma._ _

__I stop a moment, and then continue._ _

__Archie trots over and twines around my legs._ _

__I push him aside with my foot._ _

__He trots on ahead and back into the kitchen._ _

__I take a deep breath and brace myself._ _

_~Johnathon.~_

__I jump and the bat falls out of my hands and onto the floor with a loud clutter._ _

__I swear I heard Dharma say my name right into my ear._ _

__“Fuck.” I mutter._ _

__“You don’t really know how to sneak up on someone you know.” She says._ _

__I walk into the kitchen._ _

__She’s standing in front of the table, a small smile on her lips._ _

__“Yeah, well.” I pass a hand though my hair. “What happened?”_ _

__“What do you mean?”_ _

__“We were at the book store and now we’re in my house. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice.”_ _

__“I brought you here.”_ _

__“How?”_ _

__“Sit. I ordered you dinner.”_ _

__“How do you know where I lived?” I ask ignoring her._ _

__“I was stalking you.” She says dismissively._ _

__She goes to the cupboard to get a plate and a fork for me._ _

__I frown at her back._ _

__She seemed to know where everything was. Her movements were sure, like it was her home instead of mine._ _

__From the refrigerator she pulled out a soda and got me a glass of water as well, just like I would have done._ _

__“I don’t believe you.” I say._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“You heard me. You knew what I was going to say even before I said it. Why you want to play this game, I don’t understand. But it’s not going to work.”_ _

__“Are you sure you’re okay?” She asks frowning at me._ _

__“How did you get me home? I don’t remember walking here or even leaving the book store.”_ _

__“It was late, you were tired. I decided to help you get here. I was worried because you passed out, so I stayed. I should be flattered really; you did pass out while I was kissing you.”_ _

__“No I didn’t.”_ _

__“Yes you did.”_ _

__“I passed out afterwards, when you bit my neck.”_ _

__“I did not bite your neck. You’re insane.”_ _

__“How did you know where I lived?”_ _

__“You told me.”_ _

__“How did you get me home?” I ask again._ _

__“I already told you that Johnathon.”_ _

__“Why do you call my name? Even before I met you, I could hear it.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“You say my name; you call it in my head.”_ _

__“Do you need me to call a doctor or something? I don’t think you hit your head when you fell out of the chair.” Her gaze was worried as she looked at me._ _

__“Because I didn’t fall off the chair. You did something to me.”_ _

__“Johnathon, I swear. I didn’t do anything. Why would I?”_ _

__“Is this what you meant when you said you wanted to help me? Make me forget about everything? Make me sleep through days?”_ _

__“Why don’t you sit down and I’ll call someone?”_ _

__“Stop it! You know exactly what I’m talking about so stop trying to make me look crazy. I know what you did.”_ _

__“I didn’t do anything. We both know that.”_ _

__“Who are you?”_ _

__“You know who I am.”_ _

__“Who are you really?”_ _

__“You’re really starting to freak me out.”_ _

__“You don’t say freak. You’re losing your façade.”_ _

__“Johnathon. Why are you acting this way?”_ _

__“I want to know what you did.”_ _

__“Nothing, I already told you.”_ _

__I walk until I’m standing in front of her, intending to grab her and shake her until she told me all I needed to know._ _

__~Careful.~_ _

____I search her eyes._ _ _ _

____“You just did it again. You knew I planned to grab you and you warned me. Why?”_ _ _ _

____“I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”_ _ _ _

____“Why do you lie to me? What do you want?”_ _ _ _

____Her eyes became large and her face serene as she stared at me._ _ _ _

____Her gaze never wavered._ _ _ _

____I blinked but I could feel something happening._ _ _ _

____“You fell. You’re confused. Sit down and eat. You have been ill for three days. I am here to help you, I am your friend.”_ _ _ _

____The room seemed to tilt and my breathing sped up._ _ _ _

____“No. I know what you did.”_ _ _ _

____“You are confused. Sit down.”_ _ _ _

____“Stop it! I know what you did.”_ _ _ _

____“You are confused Johnathon.”_ _ _ _

____“Tell me the truth.”_ _ _ _

____“Sit down.”_ _ _ _

____“That’s the same thing you said. I don’t know why I did it then, but I did. You were controlling my mind.”_ _ _ _

____“You are confused.”_ _ _ _

____I close my eyes and concentrated on the beat of my heart._ _ _ _

____“It’s not going to work. I know what you did.”_ _ _ _

____She’s silent._ _ _ _

____I was afraid to look at her._ _ _ _

____“Why are you so stubborn?”_ _ _ _

____“Why are you such a liar?”_ _ _ _

____“I didn’t lie.”_ _ _ _

____“You were pretending to be a boy when I met you or did you forget?”_ _ _ _

____“I want to help you.”_ _ _ _

____I try not to look at her and I fail._ _ _ _

____“Who are you?”_ _ _ _

____“You know who I am.”_ _ _ _

____I glare at her._ _ _ _

____~You gonna keep playing these games? What if I go and jump off the roof right now? You gonna tell me I slipped in the shower after you save me from imminent death?~_ _ _ _

____~Don’t be so dramatic.~ She responds with a glare.__ _ _

______I smile in victory._ _ _ _ _ _

______I was right._ _ _ _ _ _

______She turns away and picks up a bag from the counter._ _ _ _ _ _

______She sets it on the table._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sit down.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Are you asking me or are you telling me?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Her eyes were glacial as they regarded me._ _ _ _ _ _

______I sit down suppressing a shiver._ _ _ _ _ _

______Maybe I shouldn’t make her turn against me. If she could read and control minds, I wondered what else she could do._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Kill stubborn idiots like you."_ _ _ _ _ _

______I look up at her._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Do you mind? I really would like some privacy in my own head please.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______I grab the bag and take out the Styrofoam box._ _ _ _ _ _

______I open it and the smell of steak and potatoes has me salivating._ _ _ _ _ _

______I ignore the plate and begin eating out of the box._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Too late.” She says._ _ _ _ _ _

______She walks out of the room._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Where are you going?” I call out._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Where do you think?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“To go call the mother ship to beam you up?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Fuck you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______I choke on my steak._ _ _ _ _ _

______The front door slams so hard, the windows rattle._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What a temper.” I tell Archie._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dharma came back at eleven._ _ _ _ _ _

______I was in the living room watching TV and waiting for her. The light from the television illuminated the room, more than the floor lamp I had turned on._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Still on our planet I see.” I tell her._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Where else would I be?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“On a galaxy far, far away? Mars maybe?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m not an extraterrestrial Johnathon.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“But I did leave.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What?” I turn off the television._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I thought it would be best.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Best for whom?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I really wanted to hurt you. I haven’t been that angry in a long time, it was harder than I expected to control myself.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I understand that I can be irritating sometimes. Actually, it’s what Violet and I yelled about a lot. That and my career.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______I half expect her to ask me who Violet was but she doesn’t._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I was half way through Chicago, your mother was thinking about you. It’s why I came back.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______I stand._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You know my mom?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I know everyone who’s ever been in your life, some who even you don’t remember.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Is she okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You don’t need a mind reader to give you the answer to that. A simple phone call would answer that question for you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I know. It’s just that, I don’t know. Things between my mom and me have been weird. Since my dad died a year ago, it’s like we can’t move on from that. When I left, I think it  
hurt her even more. I feel bad about it but not bad enough to actually do something about it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re afraid.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I guess.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Fear’s a very compelling force.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s why you came here.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I suppose. I really didn’t know where I was going.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You came looking for me. You knew I was here.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t understand.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s why I came to you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dharma?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I saw your dreams and I heard you call out my name. You let me know you were real.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I called for you?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t remember yelling your name.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______She stands in front of me._ _ _ _ _ _

______Her cold hand touches my face._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I didn’t believe, even when I saw you. You had been gone for so long, I thought I had gone insane and made myself see you like I had in the beginning.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s okay. I’ll explain when you’re ready.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Ready for what?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Eternity.” She whispers._ _ _ _ _ _

__________I stared into her dark eyes and felt my own close involuntarily.  
*******************  
There’s a long hallway._ _

______Big paintings hang on the walls, some familiar to me._ _ _ _ _ _

______I walk into a huge room, a bedroom._ _ _ _ _ _

______My bedroom._ _ _ _ _ _

______I place a suitcase on the bed and walk towards the bureau._ _ _ _ _ _

______I grab clothes and dumped them on the bed._ _ _ _ _ _

______I’m afraid, my movements are desperate and my hands shake uncontrollably._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What are you doing?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______I jump and the clothes I had been holding fall to the floor._ _ _ _ _ _

______I take a deep breath, and then bent to pick up the clothes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dharma.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Johnathon.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The sound of my name coming from her lips makes my heart beat faster._ _ _ _ _ _

______I clear my mind of any thought._ _ _ _ _ _

______I focus on the beat of my heart._ _ _ _ _ _

______I know the trick now._ _ _ _ _ _

______She won’t know if she can’t read it from my mind._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m packing.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Where are you going?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Away.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______She’s silent._ _ _ _ _ _

______I refused to look at her for fear that she would read it from my eyes or try to force it from my mind._ _ _ _ _ _

______She’s strong and I was weak when it came to her._ _ _ _ _ _

______I feel her come closer and I shiver._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Johnathon.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Her lips close over the curve where my neck and shoulder meet._ _ _ _ _ _

______I close my eyes with a sigh and lean my head against hers._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Tell me. I won’t follow if you don’t want me to.” She promises._ _ _ _ _ _

______I shake my head._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I love you.” She whispers._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Really?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______I gasp as her teeth sink into my flesh._ _ _ _ _ _

______Pleasure floods me._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dharma.” I breathe._ _ _ _ _ _

______Suddenly I’m being pinned up against the wall._ _ _ _ _ _

______Her angry eyes glare at me with such intensity._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Don’t.” I say._ _ _ _ _ _

______Her lip curls up over her teeth in anger and fear runs down my spine._ _ _ _ _ _

______The light of the fire glints off her fangs and I swallow._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You aren’t one of them.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Let me go. Please.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______She shoves me away. I stumble and fall on my hands and knees._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______She circles me like a jungle cat would its prey._ _ _ _ _ _

______I stand and try to compose myself._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I just have to. At least once.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You don’t owe them anything!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why do you have to make this so hard?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Johnathon. They aren’t you friends, they’re nothing! Do you really believe you can live like them? Stupid men with their foolish rules worshiping a God who will not come!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“They helped me Dharma, please understand.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Helped you? When? Was it when they were trying to kill you? Hmm?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dharma.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You can’t walk away from this.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“From what? You?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’ve given you everything. I saved you when you were dying and now you want to go back to those who would see you dead?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Don’t be so dramatic.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why Johnathon? WHY?!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______I wince as her voice becomes sharper._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m doing this for me. I want to change; this isn’t the life I want.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You asked for this life, begged me for it even.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It was different then! I was confused and scared. I had lost everything and my only hope was you. I appreciate everything you did, really I do. But I don’t need you anymore. I’m twenty-eight. It’s time I chose my own way.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Her face becomes devoid of any emotion and her eyes become like black glass._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Don’t be angry, please.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“They aren’t forever Johnathon.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dharma.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______~You aren’t forever.~_ _ _ _ _ _

________She disappears from my sight._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Darkness._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Suddenly there’s a fire and shouting._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Good-bye Johnathon."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________I can’t breathe._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Dharma!” I scream._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________I’m up and running before I even know what I’m doing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“DHARMA!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Cold arms wrap around me and I’m trapped._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________I scream for her again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A hand covers my mouth and I struggle._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________I feel the sting on my neck._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________I stop moving and sag into the hard cold arms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Something warm and thick like molasses drips into my mouth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________I swallow the sweet nectar and warmth fills me and I’m not afraid anymore._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________I’m floating._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________And then nothing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

I blink my eyes open.

A hand caresses my hair.

I turn my head towards it.

“Are you well?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“Why?” I ask feeling myself drowsing again.

“You dreamt again last night.”

“Hmm. I don’t remember.”

“It’s better that way.”

“Was it bad?”

“You screamed a lot mostly.”

I stretch.

“Are you asleep?” She whispers.

“Almost.”

“Rest.”

I roll on my side towards her.

I pressed up against something hard and I can hear the beat of a heart.

When I wake up again, the sun’s setting.

I roll on my back.

I’m alone in bed but I know she can hear me.

“I can’t believe I’ve slept so much. It’s like you’re a walking sleeping pill.” 

I can hear her laugh even though she’s not there.

I get up and go take a shower.

When I come out, Dharma’s back.

She’s in the living room.

I sit next to her on the couch and turn on the TV.

I lean my head against her shoulder.

“I don’t believe I’m that comfortable to sleep on.” She says.

“No kidding. It’s like sleeping on granite. Why are you so tense?”

“I’m not. It’s just the way I am.”

“There is no human being in the world that can actually be this tense without feeling it.”

“Well, there you have your answer.” She says.

“I’m not even going to pretend that what you just said made sense to me.”

Her hand touches my head then glides down to the back of my neck where it stays.

I shiver.

“Your hands are cold.”

“I know. Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay.”

“You should eat.”

“So should you.”

“I will, later.”

“What are you in the mood for? Chinese?”

“No thank you.”

“Come on.”

“Go Johnathon. The grumbling of your stomach is too much.”

“Fine.”

I stand and walk into the kitchen to look over some take out menus I have there.

Arms wrap around me from behind.

“Are you afraid still?” 

“No.”

“Good.”

She steps away.

I pick up the phone and order some Italian.

I hang up and sit at the table.

I stare at Dharma.

She looks back at me.

“Who are you?” I ask. “You’re so weird it’s not even human.” 

She quirks an eyebrow.

“Explain that to me.” She says.

“Things you say that don’t make sense but I feel like they should. The way you make me feel. I can’t understand it. I’m not really that easy to make friends, but I saw you and I worried and cared for you.”

“That’s good.”

“Not really. It’s like you’ve got all my survival instincts confused. I should be afraid of you, sometimes I am. But I can’t ask you to leave; I don’t want you to go.”

“I can’t leave you now either Johnathon.”

Her finger touches my eyebrow and then caresses my neck.

I lean close to her and place my lips on hers.

“No biting.” 

I feel her smile.

I kiss her until I feel her respond back to it.

I lean my head against her shoulder, my nose pressed against her neck.

“I love you.” I confess.

She’s quiet.

“Tell me who you are. Please.”

“You’ll be afraid.”

“I need to know. How do you know me?”

She moves away, she was still facing me but her eyes weren’t focused on me anymore. They’re looking through me, lost in her memories.

“I met you in the summer of 1858 in Geneva. You were fifteen years old at the time, your parents had left you behind because you were ill. They left you there in the footsteps of the monastery. You couldn’t even walk anymore. I saw you and I wanted you. You were so beautiful, you always were. I’d never felt the need for company, I’d never loved another that way. Not until you. I had been on my own for nine hundred years by then. Johnathon, it was like you said. I didn’t even know your name and I already wanted you, I cared for you. You were so stricken with fever that I couldn’t even read your mind because there was nothing there. The monks took you in and they tried to heal you, but there wasn’t much they could do. They decided it would be best if they ended your pain. I took you with me that night before they could kill you. I gave you some of my blood, enough to heal you. I wasn’t sure if it would work because I’d never tried it before. But it did. You healed and over the next few years you became yourself again. I tried to take you back to your family, but you wouldn’t leave. So I let you stay. When you turned twenty, you started needing more than I could give you. Physical love is not something I can give, you couldn’t understand that. The need in you became stronger and you started turning elsewhere for it. It made me angry at first, to see you with those women. But I knew I couldn’t ask you to live like me, you were young and a mortal man. When you had satisfied your need, you started thinking about the church. You wanted to serve God because the monks had tried to heal you. You went away and I didn’t stop you, I was so blind by the anger and the betrayal. I had saved you; they had wanted to kill you. But you wouldn’t understand. Always so stubborn.” She smiles and her eyes focus on me for a moment. “I went away; I tried to run as far away as possible to a place where I couldn’t hear you chanting the prayers and where I couldn’t feel your happiness. Then a year later I heard you scream for me. Your screams were deafening and I couldn’t figure out why. You couldn’t project anything else but fear. I came back but it was too late. You were dead. They had killed you and there was nothing I could do. You had called for me in your dreams, they thought it was a lover you had and kept hidden. You used to go out during the night, they didn’t think any of it at first but after they heard your dreams, they began to doubt. When they confronted you, you were afraid. You knew what I was and you were afraid for me. They mistook that fear and confirmed their suspicions. You tried to run, but they found you. You fought and killed one of them. They made a fire and burned you. It was your punishment.”

The breath stuck to my throat.

“Johnathon?”

“You’re such a fucking liar.” I start to shiver and I can stop it.

“I’m not lying.”

“What are you?” 

“Haven’t you figured that out?”

I shake my head.

“I’m a vampire Johnathon.”

The doorbell rings.

Her gaze leaves me and shifts towards the hallway.

I was frozen with fear.

She glances at me then walks away.

I wanted to stand up, to run away. But my legs wouldn’t cooperate. 

I sat there trying to remember how to breathe.

She came back with a paper bag in her hands.

“Your dinner.” She says.

“This is a dream isn’t it?” I ask looking up at her. “I’m about to wake up and I’ll realize that I’m still a teenager in my parent’s house and that I fell asleep watching the old horror   
movies.”

“No, it’s not.”

“I’m supposed to believe that you’re a vampire?”

“Yes.”

“Yes? And you say it just like that?”

“How else am I supposed to say it?”

“I don’t know!”

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Vampire.” I say out loud.

I try to make sense of it in my head but I couldn’t.

“You know what, you’re an alien and that is that. Come on, let’s eat.” I say reaching for the bag.

She lets the bag fall on the table.

She moves a little closer.

I stand up but she keeps on advancing on me.

I back away quickly but she catches my arm.

“What are you doing?”

I try to free my arm but her grip’s too strong.

“I’ll make you believe.” She says with a smile and a glint in her eye.

I realize there was a reason why she wouldn’t smile completely at me before.

She lifts my wrist to her mouth.

“No!” I scream.

I tried to pry my arm free.

“You can’t fight me Johnathon. You’ll only hurt yourself.”

“Don’t. I believe you.”

“Really? Maybe you still need a little convincing.”

“No, no convincing. You’re a vampire, I get it.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

She releases me.

I stumble back away from her.

“You didn’t have to scare me to death.” I say rubbing my wrist.

“Mortals.” She snorts.

I glare at her.

“Oh I’m sorry. Was this a joke at my expense?”

“You wanted to know.” 

“Not that way.”

“It was the best way.”

“Fucking shit. You almost sucked my blood didn’t you?”

She shrugs.

I stare at her. 

I should be more afraid, I should be running for my life.

And yet I wasn’t.

My survival instincts were shot.

I was a dead man.

But at least some things made sense now.

“So vampire huh? How come you come out during the day then?”

“Because I can.”

“But how?”

“I’m old. The sun doesn’t hurt me.”

“How old are you? You can tell me now right?”

“I’m one thousand one hundred twenty-seven.”

“One thousand.” I breath.

“What? Did you think Dracula was the only one who got to live so long?” She jokes.

“Ha, ha. Don’t quit your day job.” 

She smiles.

I shake my head and look away.

“So what else?”

“What else what?”

“What else can you do besides try to rip off my arm and read my mind? Oh, and let’s not forget the whole mind control thing. Any other superpowers bat woman?” 

“Bat woman?”

I frown at her.

“It’s a joke, cause you know. Vampires are supposed to turn into bats.”

She raises an eyebrow.

“Can we move on please? The joke didn’t land, I’m a dork. Whatever.”

“What do you want to know?” 

“Can you fly?”

“No.”

“Can you foresee the future?”

“Reading people’s minds gives you an advantage and you know what will happen before it does. So in a way, you can think of it as seeing the future. But you know that it   
changes, people don’t always do what they’re thinking.”

“Can you control the weather?”

“No. From where are you getting these questions Johnathon?” 

“Well, then what the hell can you do? You can’t tell me that all there is to being a vampire is sucking blood.”

“Of course not. I can’t fly but I can jump high enough to make you think that I was. I can move faster than you can blink and I can kill you by just grasping you with the same intensity you would squeeze a tomato. It’s the same with eye sight, hearing and my sense of taste. Basically, what happens when you change is that your human senses are magnified to the hundredth power. There is nothing magical or superhero about it Johnathon, it’s something you already have.”

“Do you sleep?”

“Not all the time.”

“In a coffin?”

She laughs.

“I’m taking that’s a no?”

“I don’t need a coffin Johnathon. The sun doesn’t hurt me; therefore I have no need for that type of seclusion.”

“So how come you don’t need to sleep every day?”

“I don’t have the need to sleep the way you do. My body doesn’t require that long period of rest.”

“These power I suppose, that you have. Do some of them come in with the change?”

“What do you mean?”

“What about the mind control thing? I can’t do that.”

“Because you don’t know how.”

“Can you make someone do things even if they don’t want to?”

“Yes.”

“Like change who they are?”

“No. I can’t make you think anything you don’t already know how to do.”

“Like what?”

“Like how not to be afraid.”

“So it’s like you can change their minds to your own benefit?”

“Yes.” 

“And the blood thing. Do you?”

“Yes.”

“From people?”

“Yes.”

“Do you kill them?”

“Most of the time, yes.”

“Why people?”

“Why not?”

I sigh exasperated.

“Can you answer the question please?”

“The blood of humans is better. Just like you need your blood to make you strong and keep you alive, I need the blood of humans to make me strong and keep me alive.”

“But can’t you get the same from animals?”

“No. The blood of animals doesn’t take away the thirst. I would need to hunt large game and with more frequency. It would make me a danger to you because I would still have that need. And besides, I’d be weaker. I probably wouldn’t be able to live long just on the blood of animals.”

“Then why do you have to kill innocent people? Can’t you just take some from one and then another?”

“They’re not all that innocent Johnathon. You know that. And just taking a little from many wouldn’t really be all that practical. I’d have to hunt in different places all the time while the people here gained their strength back. What a waste of time.”

I shiver at the word ‘hunt’.

“Do you have to drink every day?”

“If I want to keep looking human.”

“But you could go without eating right?”

“Yes but then I wouldn’t be able to be around you as much. Your blood smells so good; I would have the urge to kill you every time. And since I would already be weak, I would probably do it.”

“How many people?”

“Three, four.”

“A week?”

“A night.”

“A night!”

“I need a lot of blood to keep up this appearance Johnathon.”

“But so much?”

“I’ve been holding back. It’s why my hands are cold. If I wanted to make you think I was human, I’d have to drink all that blood to be warm.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your pale vampires look that way because they don’t feed as much. They can’t come out into the sun as much because they’re weak and they would probably die with the heat of it. I look more human because my skin still has the natural tone I had when I was alive. In order for me to keep it, I need to drink as much as possible. Who would you notice more? A person with abnormally pale skin or someone who has normal skin color?”

“I see your point. Not that I’m okay with it or anything.”

She smiles.

“Can you die?”

“I am dead.”

“But I mean die, die. As in cease to exist.”

“No.”

“Never? Have you tried?”

“I’ve thought about it but no.”

“Then you don’t really know.”

“Why would I?”

“Don’t you miss it? Being human?”

“To tell you the truth, it happened so long ago that it’s like a hazy memory of what it was like. I remember my brother but I can’t remember my mother or my father. Damon was the last one to die. Besides, I can’t undo what’s already happened.”

“Do you know how to turn someone into being like you?”

“You can say it you know.”

“Say what?”

“What I am.”

“Can you just tell me if you know?”

“Yes I know how.”

“Have you ever?”

“No.”

“How come?”

“Well, I planned on changing you but you weren’t willing. I hope this time you are.”

“And if I’m not, would you force me?”

“No.”

“How come?”  
“Eternity is for those who want it. Though many dream about it at one point or another, when it comes right down to it they no longer want to live forever. I wouldn’t give you something you don’t want Johnathon. It’s your choice to make and when you say that you’re ready, I will give it to you.”

“What if I’m never ready?”

She’s quiet.

I stare at her.

“I thought you people were always so hell bent on turning people you want into vampires. Isn’t that how you keep your numbers up? I mean, you can’t procreate, apparently.”

“Do you want us to outnumber you?”

“Not like that. I mean, don’t you worry that your kind will die out?”

“No.”

“Well, how many of you are there?”

“Fifty.”

“Wow.”

“Might seem like a high number, but when you compare it to the number of mortals. It’s not much.”

“And are all of them old like you?”

“No. There are only four others as old; Katherine, James, Marcus and Kristin. Marcus is the oldest, even older than me. Katherine and James follow after me and Kristin has only   
lived five hundred years.”

“Only? And you say it like it’s nothing?”

“To a vampire it is nothing. You wouldn’t believe how fast time seems to pass by. How people and places are here one day and completely destroyed the next.”

“I guess. I mean, I’ve only lived through a couple of disasters.”

She nods.

I study her face.

“Tell me about you.”

“Some other day. It’s late. People are wondering where their tall and handsome man with the irresistible blue eyes is. You haven’t opened your store in two days. Martha is   
worried enough to come and look in on you. You better be there tomorrow or you’ll have your whole fan base coming to knock on your door.”

“Shut up. There is no fan base.”

“Most of all the people who are regulars at your store are only there because they like you.”

“That’s good right?”

“They like you more than that Johnathon. The girl with the pierced belly button, Jenna I believe, already picked out a name for your first born.”

I laugh.

“You are completely making that up.”

“Fine. Don’t go tomorrow. I would like to see how you squirm your way out of that.”

“Alright, I’m going to bed now.” I stand and walk a bit. I turn to look at her. “You coming or what?”

I removed my jeans and t-shirt and crawled into bed.

I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be self-conscious about being in my underwear in front of her, but she wasn’t like any other normal human girl.

She sits on the left side up against the headboard and stretches out her legs.

“I’m not a girl.” She says.

“Woman. I meant that you’re not like any other human woman.”

“Thank you.”

“Aren’t you getting under the covers?” 

“You’ll freeze to death.”

“Or on top of the covers? Could you lie down maybe?”

She scoots down and lies there completely still.

I roll my eyes.

“I am not taking off my clothes.” She says before I can open my mouth.

“Why not? I only think it’s fair since I did.”

“That was your choice. Besides, I still haven’t had dinner. Skipping a meal might be fine with you, but I can’t risk it. Especially not now if you want to keep having these   
impromptu slumber parties.”

I smile and reach out to take her hand in mine.

“Wake me before you leave?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“You don’t need to know.”

“Don’t you think that’s my choice?”

“No.”

I sigh.

“Kiss me good-bye then?”

She leans in and kisses me softly.

She pulls back, I look at her.

“You’re such a girl.” She murmurs.

I laugh.


	4. Chapter 4

This time I actually woke up to the blaring of my alarm clock.

It had been so long since I had woken up to the alarm than before the alarm.

I stretch and sigh.

I knew Dharma wasn’t there.

I stood and went to take a shower and got ready to start my day.

It felt like forever since I had been in my shop.

I opened the door, turned on the lights and just breathed in the scent of paper and knowledge.

It was so easy to get caught up in Dharma and forget about everything and everyone else.

At nine am, I opened the shop.

I couldn’t believe that there was actually a line. 

I looked out the door and blinked trying to clear my vision.

Jenna waved at me.

I smiled and opened the door for them.

“Good morning ladies.” I said.

“Johnathon, how are you?” Jenna asks.

“We were worried when you didn’t come on Saturday.” Emma, a high school aged girl asks.

“Yeah, I was a little under the weather. Sorry.” I said.

“Are you okay now?” Cindy, another high school girl asked.

“I’m fine thank you.”

“Good. We were thinking that if you didn’t come today, we were going to ask Mrs. Martha to show us where you lived. You know, so that we could be sure that you weren’t in   
need of a doctor or anything.” Lorna, a fellow business person asked.

I was surprised to see her here since it was working hours.

“Thank you for your concern lady’s. But as you can see, I’m fine.”

 

Two other female colleagues of Lorna blushed and whispered amongst themselves whenever I happened to glance at them.

I cleared my throat.

I could feel myself becoming self-conscious and the heat of my cheeks told me I was blushing.

They dispersed little by little and scattered around the store.

Martha and her friends came in next.

“Johnny, how are you?”

“Fine, thank you.”

“Good. I was worried about you.”

“Yes, I heard. I’m fine now.”

“That’s a relief.”

She and her book club friends went to their little corner table.

I turned to look at the other customers in the store.

Brown eyes catch my attention.

I smile.

Dharma gives me a sly look.

~Good going Casanova.~  
I chuckle.

I hadn’t seen her come in, but there she was.

Although she was dressed as Damon again.

I waved her over.

“Yes?” She asked as she stood in front of me.

I grabbed her hand which was hidden from other’s view between our bodies.

“When did you get here?”

“Did you think I was going to miss your fans doting over you?”

“You’re insane you know that?”

“Not insane, just very crafty.”

I smile.

I walk over to one of the shelves to see if the new books had been put up, I really didn’t remember much ever since she came back.

I looked over at Dharma and saw her helping a customer.

If I had had been attention I would have noticed the step latter was in the way.

But I didn’t because I wasn’t.

My leg slammed into it hard.

I felt myself falling over on top of it and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

The throbbing of my shin already had my full attention.

Something grabbed my wrist in a vice grip that hurt even more than when I hit the ladder.

My body gently touched the ground beside the step ladder that had tumbled on its side when I hit it.

I hurt, in my shin and in my wrist.

I looked up to see Dharma let go of my wrist.

I cradled it to my chest.

I swallowed my groan.

Martha offered to take me to the doctor for some x-rays.

Dharma stayed behind to look after the shop.

Well at least I wasn’t broken, just really bruised and sprained from my wrist.

Or so the doctor said.

My hand felt numb and twice its size.

I had to have it bandaged and keep it elevated.

“How did you hurt yourself?” The nurse asked.

“I tripped.”

“Yeah. We get that a lot.” She smiles.

I smile back.

“Well, there you go. I’ll give you some cold packs and be sure you ice your hand regularly. The doctor prescribed you something for the pain; we already called it in to the   
pharmacy. If the swelling gets any worse, come back okay? Any other questions?”

“No. Thank you.”

“Okay. Christina, our receptionist, has your instructions and your cold packs.”

I had to use a cane instead of crutches because the doctor didn’t want me to put a lot of weight on my shin, at least until the bruising and the swelling went down and one of my   
hands was out of commission.

I limped to the front desk.

Christina looked up at me and smiled.

She was young and very attractive.

Her blond hair was tied up in a ponytail.

“Hi.” I said.

“Hi Johnathon.”

She gave me the instruction sheet and I signed it.

She handed me my copy and the ice packs.

“This might be too straight forward, but would you like to have lunch?” 

I knew I was the only one there, so she must be asking me.

“Johnathon?”

“Uhm.” I answered like a complete idiot.

“You don’t have to.”

“I would love to but I think my girlfriend would mind.”

“Oh. Well, it was good seeing you again. Take care.”

“I will. Bye.”

Martha came over worriedly and fussed over me until she helped me out to her car.

She took me home after we picked up my medication.

I laid on the couch an ice pack on my hand and a pillow propping up my leg.

I watched TV then dosed some.

I woke up to the feeling of feet walking on my chest.

I opened my eyes and found green eyes staring at me.

Archie meowed.

I groaned and got up off the couch.

I limped into the kitchen.

The aroma hit me before I even saw the take out bags.

“No wonder you were crying. You couldn’t get the bags open could you?” I ask Archie.

He swings his tail back and forth.

I open the bags and breathe in the steam that rose.

I pull out the containers and sit down to eat.

Archie meows again.

I get up and pour some fried rice into his bowl.

“There. Now let me eat in peace.”

I sit back at the table and eat the rest of my meal.

“What’s with the girlfriend line?”

I jump and spill rice all over myself.

I wipe it away.

“What?”

Dharma came around from behind me and sat next to me.

She grabs my ankle and lifts my injured leg onto her lap.

She leans forwards towards me.

“The girlfriend line?”

“What about it?”

“Why do you keep saying it?”

“It’s true isn’t it?”

“Is it?”

“I just asked you.”

She sits back and looks at me.

“Is that what you want? A girlfriend?”

“No. I want you to be my girlfriend.”

“No.”

“No? Why?”

“I’m not like you.”

“I know that.”

“Girlfriends are a game you play. Not me.”

“It’s not a game. I love you.”

“I don’t play mortal games and I won’t be your girlfriend.”

“Then what are you now? My vampire?”

“I don’t belong to you, just like you don’t belong to me.”

“And if I wanted to?”

“Do you know what it means?”

“No but that doesn’t mean that I don’t mean it.”

“You say that now.” She smiles a little sadly.

“I love you.”

She nods once.

“Is that a yes?”

“Johnathon.”

I was surprised when her warm hand touched my face.

“I love you.” I tell her.

“You already said that.”

“It’s true.”

“You don’t even know me.” She whispers.

I shrug.

“You’re Dharma.”

“Maybe that can be enough for now. Okay?”

I nod, albeit a little forcefully.

I sit back and continue eating dinner.

That night as she lay next to me again, I stared at her.

“Where do you go when you’re not with me?”

“Out.”

“But where?”

“Anywhere. Mostly alleys or to the house I rent.”

“You have a house?” I ask sitting up.

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“About eight blocks from here.”

“How come you never told me that?”

“It wasn’t something you needed to know.”

“How come you don’t move in here? I mean, you’re here all the time.”

“Sometimes I need to get away from you, your scent.”

“Why?”

“It’s too much. The warmth of your body, the scent of your skin, the beat of your heart. The sound of the blood passing through your veins. I get the urge to take more of it. I’ve   
tasted your blood before and it makes me hunger more for you.”

“Why don’t you take some more?”

“It’s not safe. The other times I did it was so that you could be better. Not be afraid anymore. If I do it now, it’ll be for my pleasure and that can be very dangerous for you.”

“You gave me some of your blood didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“It made me feel good.” I confess.

“I know. That was the point.” She smiles.

Her hand touches my chest.

“Would you give me more if I asked? Can you give me pleasure that way?”

“Johnathon. My blood could change you; you’re not ready for that.”

“But it wouldn’t change me completely would it?”

“No.”

“Then?”

“The changes wouldn’t be as noticeable in the beginning, but as the days passed you might notice the differences.”

“Like what?”

“The sun might hurt your eyes; your senses might become sharper. Things that will separate you from your human friends. It frightens me that the one thing that will change is   
the hunger for blood. Not human blood mind you, but my blood. The need for it might intensify until I have no choice but to change you. It’s best not to risk it.”

“How do you know?”

“Kristin tried it once. To keep her mortal tied to her, keep him from aging so quickly. She was faced with the choice of either killing him or changing him.”

“Did she change him?”

“No. He didn’t want it.”

“She killed him?”

“Yes.”

I look away.

“Do you understand why I won’t risk it?”

“Yes.”

“I could make the pain go away.”

“I thought you said it was dangerous?”

“You won’t be drinking my blood.”

“Then how?”

“I’ll make a small opening then I’ll drip some of my blood into it. Don’t worry, there won’t be a mark.”

“How about pain?”

“No, no pain.”

“Okay.”

She bent her head and opened her mouth over my wrist. 

I sucked in air as I felt her teeth pierce into my flesh.

She lifted her head.

I saw that my wrist was bleeding freely.

She bit into her own wrist and let her blood drip onto mine.

I didn’t really feel much, I was too enthralled with what was happening.

Her blood was darker and thicker than mine.

As they blended, the difference was obvious.

While my blood was a bright red, hers was like a deep ruby color. Black almost. It was thick like pancake syrup. 

“Because I’m not like you.” She says.

She was staring at me, her gaze intense.

She licked her wrist and I saw that her wound had closed.

I looked down at mine and realized that it was fine now. The swelling and the bruising was gone. I lifted it and moved it around, there was no pain.

“You’re like a miracle worker.” I praised.

She smiles.

I lay back down.

She lies back down next to me, her hand caressing my hair.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Tell me about you.”

“What do you want to know?”

“What year were you born?”

“881.”

“Where?”

“London.”

“How come you don’t speak with an accent?”

“I left England a long time ago. Sometimes I still go back. That’s where my family is buried and I still have our property there.”

“You have the same house?”

“Yes. Some of the land is gone, but most of it is still there. I paid to keep it intact. It’s the land our father bought and where I lived with Damon.”

“You said you didn’t remember your parents. But do you remember about how it was when you were alive?”

“Some. It seems more like a dream, like it never really happened.”

“Like what?”

“The smells of the city, the people. It’s so different now, sometimes I can stare at the house and the garden and remember what it was like but other times it’s so hard with all the   
noise. Before we just went by the location of the sun and the moon. Now it’s like people are run by the hands of the clock. Sometimes this world too busy.”

“Will you ever take me there?”

“If you want. It’s the house where I cared for you. Some of it is different because I have to keep upgrading to the new ways, technology and safety code and all that. But the furniture is still there, the rooms are the same.”

“I do want.”

She smiles.

“And your brother? Is he still there too?”

“Yes.”

“Because you look like him or because you dress like him?”

“Both I think.”

“Is that why you still dress like a man? Because of your brother?”

“Partially. Woman had no voice; they were nothing but child bearers and slaves. I didn’t want my life to be like that. My brother was sixteen when he became man of the house. There was no one but him and me; my mother had already been dead for years.” “And what year was that?”

“The year 900.”

“How old were you?”

“Nineteen. I was already old in those days. My brother kept threatening to marry me off to one of his friends. He never did, he knew that I didn’t want my life to be like the one   
my friends had. I liked children but I didn’t want to be a slave to anyone.”

“Was that when you changed?”

“No. That happened three years later in 903. My brother died the next winter, hunting accident. He made it back home, but he didn’t make it through the night. He’d lost too   
much blood and the weather was really bad. It would have taken days for a doctor to come. There was nothing I could do, nothing anyone could have done. That’s when I   
became him, Damon.”

“And people bought it?”

“Yes. We were so much alike, it was like we were the same person. He was three years younger than me, but I wasn’t old looking. People often used to say that he had been made from a piece of me that had been left inside my mother. He was the only one who ever understood me, not even my childhood friends could ever understand who I was. Only   
Damon.”

“How did you do it? Didn’t people know that he had died?”

“No. Like I told you, it was just the two of us in the house. We had no maids or cooks. I took care of everything. When he died, I must have sat there with his lifeless body for three days before I did anything. We were of the same built; his hair was almost as long as mine and he had no beard. He was taller but we were mostly the same. I wrapped his body and dug up the grave. People used to bury their dead in their own backyard then. I dressed up like Damon and called for the priest. I told them Dharma had died; slipped in the snow, knocked herself unconscious and frozen. I told him I had been away hunting and when I had returned, I had found her body. No one asked me any questions.”

“And you were pretending to be your brother when you were changed?”

“Yes, but Marcus knew who I really was.”

“Marcus. Was that the vampire who made you?”

“Yes.”

“Why did he choose you? Do you know?”

“He thought I was strong and that I would be a good companion. I don’t think I was.”

“Is he still around?”

“Yes.”

“Do you see him? Talk to him still?”

“Yes. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, I read that some vampires sometimes have resentment towards the one that made them.”

“Your books again?” She smiles gently.

I nod.

“I don’t have any resentment towards Marcus. I accepted his offer; I chose to be this way. No one forced me.”

“Why did you ask for it?”

“I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t have anyone. When Marcus offered, I didn’t believe him at first. Then I began really considering eternity. I figured I could live long enough to find   
Damon again.”

“And did you?”

“There were times when I thought that I had. When I would catch a glimpse of his face, but it wasn’t real. Marcus made sense of things for me; he opened my mind to reason. I was lost in the beginning because I didn’t know how to be without Damon. I couldn’t look in the mirror if I wasn’t dressed like him. All the time I had spent vowing I would never be a slave to anyone, and all that time I had been a slave to Damon. Having Marcus helped me a lot. When he would go away for a while, I gave in to my demons again and became Damon. I was never really comfortable being without something that had once belonged to my brother.”

“And with me? When you lost me?”

“I thought it would be different. I loved you but I had lived long enough to be rational.”

“Was it?”

“No. When I found you, you made things make sense again. Your love gave me a feeling of being human. Caring for you and helping you become yourself again made me feel like I was doing something useful. You made me leave Damon in the past. You helped me find Dharma again and I was so sure that I’d have you with me forever. So many times I came close to taking you, bringing you into my world. But I couldn’t. You made me weak Johnathon. I couldn’t force you. When you left me, I considered taking your life. Not in the turning you into a vampire sense, but I mean permanently ending your life. It would avoid me anymore pain of losing you to religion but I couldn’t do it. Even full of anger and hate, I couldn’t kill you. That’s when I considered ending it. But there was no vampire willing to try, they were afraid. My blood is too strong. They feared they might die during the process. So then I hid myself, trying to starve my need for blood and your company. I lived like the vampires in your books, in the darkness.”

I was quiet.

“You don’t have to pretend to be brave or okay with what I am. It’s natural for you to be afraid.”

“I’m not pretending anything. I really want to know.”

“So you won’t try to run away when you see me?”

“No. First off, I think you could catch me way before I even started running. And secondly, I couldn’t run even if I wanted to. I love you remember?”

She smiles.

“You said I called for you. How?”

“You yelled for me mostly. Your screams were haunting; it was like it was happening all over again. I tried to block you at first, but then you would call for me all day and all night. It made me think that this might not be a hallucination, that there was a chance that you were real. So I searched until I came to this part of the city. This is where I felt you stronger, closer. When I heard your voice and saw your face, I knew I had done it. I had found you again. You were exactly as I remembered.”

“Why do you think you found me but not Damon?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t look hard enough for my brother, maybe some people only get one shot at it. I don’t know. I wasn’t big on the whole science behind reincarnation. That was you.”

“Did you ever think that maybe I wasn’t the person you used to know? I mean, isn’t that the whole point behind reincarnation, not remembering?”

“But you did remember. Deep down in some part of you, you remembered what it had been and you remembered me. You remembered enough to reach out and call for me. To beg me to end it, like I had promised you once. I know it doesn’t make sense to you, that you don’t remember now. But trust me on this Johnathon, you knew me. Subconsciously or whatever psychologists call it. You remembered me. That is how I knew it was you, which is how I knew how to find you. You led me here to you.”

I was silent, trying to take all this new information in.

“Why don’t you sleep now? You’re tired.”

I close my eyes.

“Are you trying to hypnotize me again? Cause I gotta say, it’s working.”

I hear her smile.

“That’s exactly what I’m doing, but you’re too weak to resist me now.”

I smile.

When I next open my eyes, the light of the sun is shining in and my alarm clock is blaring.

I turn it off and though she might not be there, I reach out towards the other side of the bed.

A warm hand catches mine and I felt warmth spread inside of me at the feel of her hand.

She had stayed.


	5. Chapter 5

I had my head in the clouds all day.

It was so weird to feel like a kid who had his first crush. I mean, I didn’t act this way when I had just been a kid with his first crush.

All day I kept searching for Dharma just to make sure that she was still there.

She went with me to lunch and pretended to eat.

Then she left about an hour before we had to close. 

When I got home, I expected her to be there. She wasn’t.

I tried not to think about what she was out there doing.

The phone rang.

I walked over and picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Johnny?”

“Hi mom.”

“Johnny, something’s happened.” Her voice sounded frantic.

“What is it? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s Violet. She’s been in an accident.”

“Is she okay?”

“The doctors don’t think she’s going to make it.”

I was speechless.

“Johnny? Are you there?”

I swallow.

“Yeah, sorry. I’ll be out on the next flight okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll catch a cab from the airport. Don’t worry okay?”

“Alright.”

She gave me the name of the hospital and the floor where Violet was being kept.

Dharma took the phone from my hands and hung up.

“You need to go now.” She 

I reach for her.

Her warm hands catch mine.

“Come with me.” 

“No.”

“Dharma.”

“I’ll come to you if you need me but it’s best if I stay here. I will tend to your store.”

“Alright.”

I went to my room and packed a bag, and then I made arrangements with the airport.

There was a flight out to Chicago tonight and I was able to get a ticket.

I went to say good-bye to Dharma and Archie.

I scratch Archie’s head.

“Take care of my cat?”

“Yes.” 

*******************

My flight landed in Chicago an hour late. 

It was two in the morning when I stepped out of the gate.

I saw my mother’s face in the crowd.

She came forward.

“Mom? What are you doing here?”

“I figured it was best if I came for you. Visiting hours are over anyways.”

I hugged her, a little awkwardly at first but then with more vigor.

“I missed you.” She says.

“I miss you too.”

“Did you bring any luggage?” She asks stepping back.

“Just this duffel bag.”

“Okay. Let’s go home.”

I nod and follow her out of the airport.

I took a deep breath as we stood in front of the house I had grown up in, the house my father had built for my mother.

“I thought about selling it. But I couldn’t, I imagined what a fit your father would have thrown.”

I smile.

“I’m glad I didn’t. This is where he’s with me the most. Come inside.”

We walked up the driveway and into the house.

Everything was as I remembered.

“Want something to eat?”

“Sure.”

She went to the fridge and took out a casserole.

I watch her.

She was still the same. Her brown hair now streaked with grey. Her five-three stature still strong but somehow vulnerable at the same time. Her face was serene and marked with   
time. Her green eyes still warm and inviting.

She smiles as she catches me staring.

“It’s good to see you again Johnny. I wanted to call so many times but I wasn’t sure if you would have returned my call. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t curse myself for   
being such a terrible mother.”

Her voice trembled and she dabbed at her eyes with a paper towel.

I stood and went to her.

“You’re not a terrible mother. I’m sorry for abandoning you like this.”

“You were in pain.”

“We both were. Losing dad was hard. I’m sorry I let myself lose you too.”

“You didn’t lose me Johnny.”

I hug her close.

“This is where dad would have said something about bull headedness and how the apple didn’t fall too far away from the tree.” I comment.

She chuckles.

“Yes.” She looks up at me. “He would have been so happy to see you here again.”

The oven dinged signaling that it had finished preheating.

Mom went to put in her casserole.

We sat at the table to wait.

“So how have you been?”

“Good.”

“Happy?”

“Yes.”

“I know that you and Violet said your good-byes way before you ever left, but I knew that you would still want to know if something like this ever happened.”

“Yes, thank you for calling me.”

“So tell me. How is your store doing?”

“Great. There are a lot of readers in California.”

“Good. Do you have friends?”

“Yes.”

“And is there someone else in your life?”

“Yes.”

“Do you love her?”

“Yes.”

“And does she love you?”

“Sometimes I think she wants to kill me but I think she loves me, yes.”

Mom laughs.

“She didn’t want to come or you didn’t invite her?”

“She stayed behind to watch my store for me. She thought it would be best if she stayed.”

“Will I ever meet her?”

“I hope so.”

“And does she have a name?”

“Dharma.”

“Just Dharma?”

I smile.

“No mom. She has a last name.”

“Which is?”

“Reynaud. Her name is Dharma Reynaud.”

“Pretty name.”

“Pretty woman too.” 

“I’m glad you have someone baby.”

“Me too.”

I went to bed at five in the morning. I figured I could get a couple hours sleep till visiting hours at nine.

I dreamt with Dharma.

We were in her home in London and she was angry with me.

I don’t know why but she was.

Every time I tried to reach out for her she would vanish from my sight and then be replaced with Damon.

I woke up to my mom knocking on my bedroom door.

“It’s time Johnny honey.”

“Okay. Thanks.” I call out as I get up.

I showered and made myself presentable.

I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach as we entered the hospital.

We went up to the ICU floor.

Her family was there. They looked genuinely glad to see me which was a relief.

We waited and then took turns sitting in with her.

Family was first so it was more nerve wracking to wait till it was my turn.

Mom and I went in together.

She stayed for about ten minutes then let me have the rest of the half hour by myself.

I held her hand and watched the machine breathe for her.

Her face was bruised and her neck was in a neck brace.

Her left arm was broken as was her right leg.

I sigh.

“I’m sorry it took me this long to come and see you or even talk to you. I know that you said we could still be friends but after everything that had happened between us. I didn’t   
know how to just be your friend. With my need for change I guess I got too caught up in what I needed than what everyone else might need too. Please forgive me for being selfish, for leaving you alone for so long and taking you for granted.”

This was the woman that I had loved and had thought I would one day spend the rest of my life with. That we would have children and be as happy as my parents had been. I   
don’t know when things changed. When instead of dreaming of coming home to Violet, I started dreaming about leaving home and finding that thing I needed so bad. Now that I had found what I was looking for, Violet had become another stored memory. She was a wonderful woman but no longer the one I wanted. That didn’t mean that I didn’t want her to get better. I wanted to look into her blue eyes again and see her happy.

I sat up suddenly.

Dharma could fix her. She could make Violet better again like she had done to my hand.

Hope entered my heart.

I kissed Violet good-bye and told my mom I needed some time.

I walked out of the hospital and walked to the park that was nearby.

I sat at a bench and watched people walk by.

I thought long and hard about what I wanted.

Dharma could do it right? I mean, she could if she wanted to. 

~Dharma? Can you hear me?~

~Hello? Anyone there?~

She didn’t answer.

I stood and took a walk.

I went back home at around three and mom was already there making dinner.

“Hi honey.”

“Hi mom.”

“I’m just making lasagna for dinner. It won’t be ready till five so why don’t you go lie down?”

“Okay.”

I made my way upstairs and lay down.

I rolled on my side and stared out the window into the backyard.

“I told you not to tell anyone.”

I sit up quickly.

Dharma stood at the foot of the bed.

“Hey. How long have you been here?” I ask. “I was trying to call you.”

“I know.” 

Her face is serious and closed off.

I was glad that she wasn’t dressed like a man but the look in her eyes made me cautious.

“I thought we had an agreement.” 

“I just told my mom. It’s not like I told her that you were a vampire. What’s the big deal? She doesn’t know you.”

“What if she tries to find out who I am? You think she’ll find a record, a birth certificate?”

“I’ll just tell her you’re from out of state.”

“You won’t tell her anything. Do you understand?”

“Dharma. Come on. She’s my mother.”

She glares.

“Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“No.”

“No? You don’t even know what I’m going to ask.”

“In case you’ve forgotten, I can read minds.”

“Okay so you know what I’m going to ask. But why not? You fixed me.”

“You weren’t in the hospital in critical condition.”

“You don’t have to heal her completely, just enough for her to survive.”

“I don’t think you understand what you’re asking.”

“I do understand. I’m not stupid.” I say standing.

“Keep your voice down.” 

I sigh and grab at my hair.

“Dharma, I’m asking you to help Violet heal not to resurrect her from the dead.”

“I kill people not save them.”

“You saved me!”

She’s quiet.

“Please Dharma. You have to help her.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because she’s a human being with people who care about her. Because she’s done nothing to deserve this.”

“My answer is still no.” 

“Why are you being this way?”

“People die all the time. What makes her so special?”

“Are you listening to yourself? You have the power to help her and instead of doing it you’re standing here questioning the reasons why?”

“Yes.”

“What happened to you?” 

“Nothing happened to me. This is what I am. I am not going to help your girlfriend heal just because you still care about her. I will not meet your mother and play your little   
human game. If you want to end Violets suffering then I will help her die, but I will not give her my blood. Do you understand? Don’t ever ask me to again because my answer will always be no. I am not here to perform little miracles. I am a killer Johnathon. I thought you understood that.”

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this. How can you be so cold hearted? How can you not care?”

“I do care Johnathon. But not enough to do anything about it.”

Hearing her throw my words back at me made a little scared.

“But why? I don’t understand.” 

“Where do you think I am when I’m not with you? Out playing cards with my friends? I thought you understood what being a vampire meant. I thought you saw me for what I am,   
not what you make me out to be. She will die Johnathon. That is her fate.”

“No! You have to help her!” I yell.

“Johnathon?” My mother calls from downstairs.

“No I won’t. She’s too weak. She’s dying even as we speak. Nothing can save her.” 

“You can, please. Don’t let her die. I’m not asking you to change her or even heal her completely. Just let her have another chance at life. For me, please.”

Dharma’s dark gaze regards me.

“I am not your girlfriend or your lover. I am not her friend.”

“Please.”

“Alright Johnathon. I will help her.”

My mother bursts through the door.

“Johnathon? Are you alright?”

I blink and look around.

Dharma was gone.

“Yeah. Sorry, I was having a bad dream.” 

“Dinner is almost ready and if you want, we can go to the hospital afterwards.”

“Okay mom. Thank you.”

Mom was true to her word. After dinner, we went to the hospital and sat with Violet.

We left when visiting hours were over.

That night I lay in bed tossing and turning, unable to get some sleep.

~They aren’t forever Johnathon.~

~You aren’t forever.~

I gave up trying to sleep and went downstairs to make myself some tea.

My mom was already in the living room nursing a cup of coffee.

“Couldn’t sleep huh?”

”Johnny. You scared me.”

“Sorry.”

The phone rang an hour later at one-thirty in the morning.

I heard my mother answer in the living room.

I walked with trepidation to the kitchen doorway and stared at my mother’s bowed head.

She hung up the phone.

“Mom?”

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

“It’s Violet. She’s dead Johnny.” My mother sobbed out.

The breath caught in my throat.

~You said you’d help.~

My heart sped up and I leaned forward trying to catch my breath.

“Johnny? Are you okay?” I heard my mother ask through the ringing in my ears.

“Give me a second.” I wheeze.

~You said you’d help. ~

She didn’t answer.


	6. Chapter 6

I crouch and place the flowers against Violets headstone.

My fingers caress her name.

“Forgive me.” I whisper.

The rain had let up a little, but it had drizzled all day long.

Her funeral had been three days ago and though I had tried to be strong, I couldn’t help crying. It was my fault her life had ended this way. Her family would have had some more time with her if I hadn’t insisted on saving her.

~Johnathon.~

I stand.

“You wanted me to help her. I did.”

I don’t turn to look at her.

“That was not what I meant and you know it.” I can’t keep the anger out of my voice.

“Her death hurts you and I am sorry for that. But she would have died. Maybe not as soon as she did if not for the car accident, but eventually she would have. Just like your   
mother and your father. You can’t save them all.”

I wanted to hit her so bad.

“I hate you.” 

Her hands turn me around so that I was facing her.

She wipes away my tears.

I push her hands away.

“This is the way it has to be.” She says her eyes soft.

“Fuck you.”

“You can’t go around saving everyone from death Johnathon. It’s not the way it works.”

“Why did you save me? Why was I so special?”

“I love you.”

“Well I loved her! Why didn’t that count the way it did for me?”

“She was not meant for this life.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I wanted you forever. You wanted her for the moment.”

“I wanted her forever too!”

She gazes back at me.

“You’re stronger than what you give yourself credit for.” She says.

I sigh angrily and turn my back to her.

“You have to ignore that pull sometimes, the need to bring everyone into it. She would have hated you for it. She wouldn’t have had a choice and you were making it for her.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Would you thank me for ending your human life and bringing you to a world where you live off of other human beings? The hunger so unquenchable in the beginning that all the   
faces of your victims blend into a blur that you could kill your own mother and not even realize it. Would you have thanked me later when they became clear to you? Would you force your mother? You have to learn how to be detached.”

“How?” I ask. “How can you just stand there and watch everyone you love waste away to nothing?”

“It is their choice Johnathon. But always remember, the one you chose has to be strong. Why pick someone who won’t accept the gift and just kill themselves afterwards? You   
have to know that person well before you even decide.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“You wished it, as fleeting as it might have been. You still wanted it, that you had the power to bring her over. You can’t do that. Understand what it means to be a vampire first before you change someone else.”

“Maybe for a moment, yeah I thought about it. But that is why I called you. I figured you would help her the way you helped me.”

“How could I have helped her without it being obvious? The woman was broken on the inside as well as the outside. My blood would not have healed her ‘a little bit’ as you put it.   
I would have had to give her enough for her to survive and that would have healed her completely. How do you explain that? In a comma about to die one moment and   
miraculously walking without the obvious bruising and breaks she had shown moments before? You think people would have let that go without asking questions?”

“Her name was Violet.”

“What difference does that make now? She’s dead.” She snaps.

I turn to face her.

“Sometimes I understand why he left, your little Johnathon of the past. I really do. You can be a real cold hearted bitch you know that? I’m standing here in front of the grave of   
the woman that once meant the world to me and even that doesn’t keep you from being such a god damned monster. You had the opportunity to help her, to keep her alive and you killed her instead! I will never forgive you for that. ”

She’s quiet.

My vision blurs with tears.

“I hate this thing that you are. I thought it would be different you know? Yeah you’re a vampire, so what? You always insisted you were nothing like the fictional vampires in the books that I sell. So much so that I forgot how much of a monster you could be. How much of a heartless creature you are. You say you love me but I don’t believe that anymore. How can you love me when you can’t even find it in yourself to help a human being whose only fault was driving home from work! She didn’t deserve this and she sure as hell didn’t deserve you stalking into her room and taking her life.” I wipe away the tears. “I did love you and maybe I’ll always will but past experience has taught me that my love won’t make a difference. So maybe we’re both damned into living out our lives alone, only difference is that I know how to appreciate life whereas you can’t even appreciate your own. I don’t want you in my life anymore. There’s no room for things like you in my heart.”

She turns and walks away without a word.

I stand there and watch her disappear into the distance.

*************

A year had passed without any sign of Dharma. Sometimes I thought that maybe it had been all a dream. That the months I had passed with her by my side had been nothing   
more than delusions from a mind gone insane. But when I laid there late at night unable to sleep, her face and her touch came back to haunt me. 

During the day, my life was filled with people and company that there was no time for desperation. The need for her was stronger during the night. I would clench my fists and will myself not to call for her. 

Sometimes I succeeded, other times not so much.

I needed her here so that I can be sane again.

No one could ever make me feel the way she did.

I couldn’t fill the emptiness and the chill that entered my body.

It was like even my soul hungered for her.

I had started dating Christina, the receptionist from the doctor’s office, two months ago. She was nice and I was attracted to her. 

Christina was young and innocent. Her skin so soft and warm, her brown eyes so full of laughter and wonder, her blond hair always so neatly combed and sweet smelling.

She was so full of life.

Sometimes, she was too human for me.

I was used to cold hands and large dark eyes that spoke of time and death. I was used to the feeling of a hard body with only a heartbeat to remind me it was alive.

Dharma’s presence in my life had changed me. I hadn’t needed her blood for that after all.

~You were wrong. I was addicted to you even before you spoke to me. Dharma.~

I sigh.

~Do you need me the way I need you?~

I watched the trees sway in the wind.

“John, you okay?” 

I turned from the window to look at Christina.

“I’m fine.”

“Come back to bed.”

I walk back to bed and lay down.

She snuggles up close to me, the heat of her body so suffocating.

I close my eyes and try to relax my body.

~Dharma.~

I open my eyes to the touch of a warm hand on my arm.

I looked up at Christina.

“I have to go or I’m going to be late.” 

I feel her kiss on my temple.

I watched her leave the room.

I turned to look at the clock.

It was eight in the morning.

I rub my eyes and sit up. Time to get ready for another day.

It was with less enthusiasm that I opened my shop.

Martha came in and gave me her small sad smile like she had been doing for the last couple of months.

I turn my face away from her.

It seemed that now that I was so bent on being happy again, the more miserable I felt.

The phone rang and I answered it.

It was a customer wondering if I had received a new book she had wanted to read.

I gave her the information and hang up.

With a sigh I lean against the counter.

My mom was coming into town for my thirtieth birthday next week.

I started making a list of the things I needed to do and buy before she came.

My mom and I had once again formed a relationship.

It was genuine this time.

I wasn’t going to lose her again like I had let myself do so in the past.

Martha and her friends were the last to leave.

I lock the front door then started dusting and restocking the shelves.

I called Christina and told her I was going to be staying late at the shop.

Sometimes she would go to my house and wait for me. Other times she would come by early the next morning.

I brought out boxes with the new books and squatted to retrieve them.

“Why do you insist on these games?”

I fall backwards on my ass, the books scattering all around me.

I look up at cold hard eyes.

My heart beats faster, the blood rushing to my face.

A hand reaches out.

I close my hand around ice cold fingers.

She pulls me up.

“I came even though you told me not to. Why do you keep calling for me if you’ve banished me from your life? Was I not supposed to come? Where you testing my patience   
maybe?”

I step forward and take her face in my hands.

“I love you.” I whisper, unable to hold back the sting of tears.

“Even though I’m still a heartless bitch?”

“Even though.” 

I kiss her hungrily.

She pushes me away after a moment.

“What about your girlfriend?” Her serious face regards me. “Do you love her?”

“Possibly. Not the way I love you, you know that.”

“I know a lot of things, some that you don’t realize yet.”

“Like what?”

Her cold hands touch my back.

I gasp.

“Like things that aren’t important right now.”

“You smell weird.” I say caressing her temple with my lips.

I remove the beanie she was wearing.

Her hair tumbled down.

“So do you.”

“Christina likes this cologne.”

“I don’t, it’s too much. I like the smell of you, your blood and your humanity.” He cold nose presses against my neck.

“Well, we can’t all have that type of preference now can we?”

I move my hands down to her lower back and press my body against hers. The chill of her body chased away the chill that had taken residence in my heart.

“I was in London.”

“At your house?”

“Yes.”

“Is that where you’ve been this past year?”

“Why did you want me to come? Did you remember that you can’t live without me?”

Her dark gaze regards me.

“Yes.” 

“You better go and sleep. You look deader than me.”

“Come back with me. Archie’s been moping around this last year without you.”

“That’s only because I fed him live mice when you weren’t looking.”

“Hmm. No wonder he was so fat.”

Her eyes crinkle.

“Go. I’ll stay and finish here.” She says pushing me away.

“Come with me.”

“No. She might wonder why you’ve got another woman coming home with you.”

“She’s there?”

“You knew she would be.”

“Then let’s go to your house.”

“Go Johnathon. She’s made you dinner, you need to eat more.”

“Dharma.”

“I’ll be here in the morning.”

I kiss her one more time and walk out.

I was so tense with happiness that I left the house at five in the next morning.

I opened my shop and waited for her to come.

There was a knock on the front door.

I walk over and Christina waves at me.

I open the door.

“John. What are you doing?” 

“I didn’t finish stalking last night. I thought I could finish it before I opened for the day.”

“Why didn’t you say something? I would have come to help you.” 

“No. You have enough to do at your job without worrying about mine. But thank you.”

She hugs me.

~Johnathon.~~

I turn, startled.

There was no one there.

I look back at Christina.

She was looking at me with a weird look on her face.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. I thought I heard something.”

“Oh.”

“You should get to work.”

“Uhm, okay. I’ll see you later?”

“Sure.”

I kiss her and she walks out.

I lock the door and turn only to come face to face with Dharma.

I take a step back.

“What are you doing here so early?” She asks.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Why not?”

“I just couldn’t.”

“You need more rest.”

“I know.”

“What are you worried about?”

“Nothing.” I grab some books off the counter and walk towards the bookshelf.

“I’m not going to kill her.”

I stop, my shoulders tense.

“Violet would have died had I been there or not. You know that. I have no reason to kill Christina, at least not right now.”

“How wonderful.”

“Why the guilt?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” My hands clench around the books.

“It was her time.”

“Not it wasn’t! You made it her time.”

“Don’t be naïve Johnathon.”

“How can you be so cold about it?”

“People die all the time. It’s a way of life.”

“She should have had more time. She was too young.”

“Age is not a factor in death.”

I shake my head and unclench my hands.

“I guess you’re proof of that right? You don’t pick who dies, you just survive.”

“Yes.”

“Can we just start putting up the books please?”

“That’s not what you came here for.”

“Well, it is a bookstore and I need to replace the book. So, yes. It is what I came here for.”

She walks towards me, unzipping her sweater.

“Dharma. We don’t have time for this.”

She grabs my neck and bites into it.

I gasp.

I tighten my hands around her forearms.

“Oh god.” I moan.

I close my eyes and let the feeling wash over me.

~Sleep.~


	7. Chapter 7

“Johnathon? Johnathon, you’re scaring me. Johnathon!”

I groan and open my eyes.

“Oh thank god.”

Someone hugged me tight.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“I was so worried. I came home and you were here passed out. I tried to wake you but I couldn’t. I even called for an ambulance.” Christina says sitting back and wiping her eyes.

I look around.

I was lying in bed.

I sit up.

Christina’s words began to register.

“You called an ambulance?” 

“Yes. I’ll call to cancel.”

She picks up the phone.

I stand and go into the restroom.

I shaved and took a shower.

I hadn’t felt so good since, well. Since the last time Dharma sucked my blood.

I stretch.

I felt refreshed, renewed somehow.

I went back out to the bedroom.

Christina looks up.

“How do you feel?”

“Good.”

“I called you last night and no one answered, not even your cell. I left you messages and then I came by this morning because I was worried. I went by the book store and it was   
closed. You didn’t answer the door so I let myself in with the key you gave me. I called your name and tried shaking you but nothing worked. I was scared.”

I sit next to her and hug her.

“I’m fine. I was just so tired. I’m sorry I scared you.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad that you’re fine.”

“Come on. Let’s go have some lunch.” 

“More like breakfast hon. It’s ten in the morning.”

I look at the clock.

“Shit. I can’t believe I slept so much.”

I had slept for three days the last time and this time I had slept for two and part of the morning.

I probably would have slept some more if Christina hadn’t woken me up.

I took her out to Denny’s for breakfast.

“I’m sorry I made you take a day off.”

“I told you. It’s okay. I’m just glad that you’re well. Your mom called me yesterday. She was worried because you didn’t answer.”

“Sometimes I work late. She knows that.”

“She wanted to know if we were having the party at your house or if I had been able to rent that room at the restaurant you like. I told her I rented the room.”

“Party?”

“You’re birthday party. What other party did you think I was talking about?” She smiles.

“I don’t know. I don’t think we should make a big deal. People have birthdays every year.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course we have to celebrate. You only turn thirty once. I’m sending out the invitations today.”

I sigh but refrain from saying more.

******************

~Johnathon.~

I open my eyes.

I look around the room, there was no one there.

I move Christina’s arm from my chest and stand.

I walk out of the room towards the living room.

Dharma stood there.

I smile and walk towards her.

I hold her close.

“Happy Birth Day.” She whispers.

“Thank you.”

I close my eyes as I felt her hands on my back.

I open my eyes as the lights are turned on.

I turn.

My mother stood there.

“Johnathon?” My mom asks, her eyes never leaving Dharma.

“Mom. What are you doing up?”

“I heard voices.”

“This is Dharma.”

My mother’s face showed the surprise my words had caused.

“Hello Dharma.”

“Lillian.”

“You know me then.”

“Yes.”

“Johnathon.” My mother says nodding her head towards the kitchen.

“It’s okay mom. You don’t have to hide anything from her.” 

“Johnathon. How can you bring her here? What about Christina?”

“What about her?” Dharma asks.

My mother glares at her.

Dharma’s small smile of satisfaction sends a chill down my spine.

“Dharma is my friend. She came to wish me a happy birthday.”

“Then why wasn’t she at the party?”

“That’s not really any of your concern is it Lillian?” 

“I wasn’t talking to you.” My mother tells her hotly.

“Why are you so upset? Don’t tell me you’re doing all this for Christina? You don’t even know her.”

“I don’t know you but I’m beginning to not like you.”

“You shouldn’t if you don’t want to. I won’t ask you to accept me in your life or his. I don’t care.”

“If you don’t care then why are you here?”

“I said I didn’t care about you. I care very much about Johnathon. I know this conversation is making him uncomfortable so I’ll be going.” Dharma turns to me. 

“Night.”

“Johnathon.” She grabs my arms and kisses me.

I was stunned for a moment.

My mother’s angry face greeted me when I re-opened my eyes.

“Lillian. Have a pleasant sleep.” Dharma says before turning and walking out the front door.

My mother huffed in annoyance.

“Johnathon?” Christina says.

I turn to see her standing in the hall.

My mother’s eyes showed disappointment as she turned away and headed back to her room. 

I look away then back at Christina.

“Do you love her?” 

“Yes.”

“Have you been with her while you and I? While we’ve been together?”

“Yes.”

She steps closer.

“Why did you stay with me then?”

“I love you too.”

She slaps me.

My cheek stings.

“Don’t you dare stand there and tell me you love me when I just saw you kiss her. How could you do this to me? I love you and I’ve waited for you to come out of that darkness   
you were in. I was there when you needed someone. I helped you. How Johnathon?”

“I’m sorry.”

“No.” 

“Christina, please.”

“Don’t you dare Johnathon. I refuse to feel anything but anger for you right now. You can’t love us both. There is one of us who you love more, you know that. I refuse to   
continue to be the one you settled for.”

She turns and walks into to the bedroom. A moment later she came back out dressed and walked out.

I sat on the sofa, my head in my hands.

****************

“Don’t feel so bad Johnathon.”

I jump then sigh angrily.

“Can you stop doing that please?”

“You shouldn’t be upset about her. Christina will be fine without you.”

“Thanks so much.”

I get up and go dust the tables.

“There is nothing to feel guilty about.”

“Really? She loved me.”

“But you didn’t love her.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You can lie to yourself all you want, but you can never lie to me Johnathon.”

“I just feel awful about all this. Even my mother is angry.”

“Lillian will get over it, so will Christina.”

“And you? You don’t feel cheated on?”

“Should I?”

“I guess not.”

“You’re human, you need that contact. Intimacy.”

“Yeah, well. That doesn’t help me at all.”

“You have to let it go.”

“How?”

“Come with me.”

“Where?”

“London.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“For what?”

“Johnathon.”

“I don’t know.”

“There is nothing left for you here, you know that.”

“My mom is here.”

She looks away.

“Dharma?”

“Is that what you want? To stay until your mother is gone?”

“Gone? I’m sure I can visit her. That’s not the problem.”

“Why do you act stupid? I’m pretty sure you understood what I meant when I said ‘gone’, I know that you did.”

“My mother isn’t dying.”

“Really? Did she become immortal without me knowing?”

“Fuck! Why do you always have to do this? Why can’t you let me pretend that you’re normal and that everything is alright?”

“Because I’m not and it’s not. Your mother is dying; you knew she would one day. You learned that the hard way when your father died.”

“My mother is not dying. End of story.”

I storm into the back room to catch a shaky breath.

“My mother isn’t dying.” I whisper to myself.

My mother died the next spring.

She contracted a lung infection that she couldn’t get rid of.

The doctors tried to do everything to help her but in the end, there was nothing.

I knew I couldn’t ask Dharma for help.

She wasn’t all that partial to my mother and she wouldn’t have even if she had been. It was her stupid rule not to help those I loved.

It still made me angry.

Maybe not like when Violet, but still it hurt. 

My mother died on a Saturday afternoon. She had already made prior arrangements, which was helpful.

Her funeral was on Monday and she was buried on Tuesday morning.

It was painful to watch her coffin being removed from the hearse.

The gathering after the burial was in my mother’s house. She had made arrangements for her favorite restaurant to cater. The food included her favorite sandwiches and desserts.

A lot of people came and remembered my mother. Christina was there, helping me with everything. She was as lovely and warm hearted as I remembered her to be.

She was still hurt but she was kind enough to lend a helping hand.

Dharma didn’t show up.

I think I hater her for that. That she could be so cold and detached even from me.

Dharma was gone for two days afterwards; meanwhile I was alone in my misery.

When she did show up, it didn’t help me as I would have thought.

Instead her presence reminded me even more of the fate of mortals.

The hurt began to fade little by little as the days and months passed on.

I still missed my mother but I learned how to live with it.

Dharma was beginning to become more insistent that I should go with her to London.

“Dharma, please.”

“You said you wanted to stay for your mother. Who are you staying for now?”

“This is my home. I can’t just leave everything.”

“You’ll come back to it soon enough.”

“But-”

“It’s not a permanent thing. All I’m asking is that you come with me to London. I thought it was what you wanted.”

“I did, I do. But not right now.”

“She’s not coming back.”

“What?”

“You keep waiting for her but she’s not coming back.”

“I understand that my mother is dead Dharma, okay?”

“I wasn’t talking about your mother.”

“Then who?”

“Christina.”

“Are you serious? Is this what this is about, you being jealous?”

“It’s more than that. You said you would let her go.”

“And?”

“Let her go.”

“Or what? You’ll kill her?”

She was quiet.

“I didn’t mean that okay? I don’t want you to kill her.”

“Maybe I should.”

I look at her.

Her dark eyes and her expressionless features telling me nothing.

“Tell me you’re kidding.”

“Say you will come with me or let’s stop with this game Johnathon.”

“An ultimatum, from you? Really?”

She turned and left.

Three weeks later I received Christina’s wedding invitation in the mail.

I stared at that thing sitting on my table for about a week before I threw it out.

Dharma showed up at my shop the next morning.

“Dharma.”

Her dark gaze regarded me.

“I want to go with you to London."


	8. Chapter 8

The following night Dharma finally took me to her place.

There was a man about my age sitting on Dharma’s porch steps.

He looked up as we approached him.

His pale blue eyes made me freeze where I stood.

“Marcus.” Dharma said walking the rest of the way to kneel in front of him.

He hugged her close and kissed her hair.

His hard stare never left me.

“I didn’t know you were here. Why didn’t you let me know?”

“There were things I had to take care of.” He says.

His deep bone chilling voice sent a sudden shiver down my spine.

Unlike Dharma, he still had a strong British accent.

He looked at her for the first time.

I couldn’t see Dharma’s reaction but I knew by their silence that they were having a private conversation.

Dharma stood and pulled me forward.

~Don’t be afraid.~

“This is Marcus.”

Marcus stood.

“Johnathon.” He says. 

We were eye to eye which meant he was my height as well, six-two.

He had a light completion, he looked like porcelain. He had high cheekbones and almond shaped eyes. His hair was light brown; it hung about a half inch below his shoulders.   
His body was slimmer than mine but I knew he was strong. He was a vampire after all. He was very handsome looking and even though there were some laughter lines around his   
eyes, he wasn’t old. His face was smooth, without stubble or a five o’clock shadow. He must have been within my age range when he had been made.

I extend my hand.

He looked like a god among mortals, a lion among men.

He smiles, his fangs visible.

He didn’t look like a regular person at all.

How he managed to walk around and not be noticed was a mystery.

He hugs me.

The black shirt he wore was cold as it touched my neck.

Images flooded my mind.

Neighbors in shock, the firefighters fighting the blaze.

My breath quickened.

People on fire, screaming for help.

“You son of a bitch.” I say stepping away from Marcus.

I fist my hands and take a step forward.

“No!” Dharma yells grabbing hold of my arms. “No Johnathon.”

He smirked at me.

I tightened my fists.

“Johnathon. You have to go. The fire is under control, it’s time for you to go. Now.” Dharma said pressing the keys in my hand.

“You will pay for what you did.” I tell Marcus.

“We’ll see.” 

“Fuck you.” 

He smiles, his cold hands touching my face.

“Marcus.” Dharma says in warning.

He stared at her for a moment then moved out of the way.

I got in the car and drove off.

******************

There had been nothing left of my house.

Everything I had owned had been destroyed, save for my cat who had been out prowling for mice.

The incident had already been reported to my insurance company.

Marcus had made it look like an accidental fire. 

I was staying in Dharma’s house.

Marcus was nowhere to be found.

Dharma claimed he had left.

I wasn’t so sure.

I was supposed to be eating dinner but I didn’t have much of an appetite.

I push my plate away.

“Will you come with me to London?”

“I told you I would.”

“You aren’t so sure anymore.”

I sigh.

“There is nothing to be afraid of Johnathon. I won’t let anything hurt you.”

I stare hard at her.

“Dharma.”

“Johnathon.”

“Killing people still isn’t appealing. If there was any other way of getting the blood, then I would say yes let’s do it. But there is no other way is there?”

“Not if you want to survive, no.”

“I am afraid and you haven’t even showed me what I need to know.”

“You can learn after you’ve changed.”

“Why are you pushing this?”

“It’s Marcus.”

“What about him?”

“He wants you.”

“I’m not gay.”

“He want’s your blood. He thinks you aren’t strong enough to be a vampire.”

“He wants to kill me?”

“I won’t let him. I love you.” She assures me.

“Will I be strong enough to fight him if you change me?”

“Stronger than you are now? Yes. Stronger to win? No.”

“Would I still have to go away?”

“Not necessarily. But I would like you to come to London anyway. Just for a while. People here know you.”

I was quiet as I pondered her proposal.

Wasn’t this what I had wished for?

I wasn’t getting any younger and besides, I had already found what I had been looking for.

“Okay.”

“And you won’t change your mind?”

“No. I want you to make me a vampire.”

She smiles.

“I’ll find someone to take care of the store for me. Then we can go to London and you can change me.”

“I love you.” She says standing in front of me.

“I love you.”

She kissed me softly.

“Don’t be afraid. I will care for you until you can care for yourself.”

“Thank you.”

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this.”

“And will you love me forever?”

“Forever. There is no one else I want.”

I had been interviewing people all day, so far I hadn’t found someone to care for my store.

I got home at eight.

I took off my shoes and unbuttoned my shirt and walked into the kitchen for a glass of water.

Dharma had been quiet these past couple of days.

I didn’t know what had been going through that head of hers and she wouldn’t say anything.

She was gone a lot. I figured that she was getting things ready in London for our arrival.

Or for my change, I don’t know.

“This isn’t your home.”

I spin around, water splashing on my undershirt and the floor.

“Shit.” I turn to put the glass back on the counter.

I wipe at my shirt with my hand and look at Marcus.

“The hell do you want?”

“You.”

“Sorry. I’m already taken.”

He walks forward a little.

I was glad the table was between us. I watched to see which way he would move next, that way maybe I could be sure to keep it between us. I didn’t want him to get the chance to   
be close enough to suck my blood. 

For now he stood still.

I look back at him.

His eyes were intense and there was a small smile on his lips.

“What?” I ask annoyed.

“I can see why she’s become obsessed with you.” He says.

“And where is she?”

“Away.”

“Why are you here?”

“I promised on pain of death not to hurt you.”

“Can she? Kill you I mean?”

“Maybe.”

“Good.”

His smile widens and his low little evil sounding chuckle makes me shiver.

He walks a few steps around the table so that he was coming at me by my right side.

I shuffle three steps to my left.

“I was too preoccupied the first time I saw you. Now I see why you’re so special. You really are good looking, smart too. Not smart enough to stay away, but smart enough to survive. To tell you the truth, I didn’t think you had much to offer when I met you the first time. You were small and sickly. How I wish she would have let you die then. But then   
you left and ended up sealing your own fate.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Now that you’ve returned, you seem more mature. More prepared.” He frowns a little.

“Well, I never met you before so sorry that I can’t return the complement. But you do look good for a man your age.”

“You can’t live to be two thousand if you look old and decrepit.” 

“I don’t know. It worked for Dracula.”

“Dracula wasn’t real.” He points out.

“At this point, I don’t think you are either.”

He moves again.

I take another three paces.

He sighs.

I look back at him.

“You seemed very inclined to play these games.” He says slightly annoyed.

“And you seem very inclined to keep moving.”

“I only want to chat with you.”

“So chat.”

“Like gentlemen perhaps?” He pulls out a chair and gestures to me.

It was way too close to his side.

“I don’t think it’ll be in my best interest. You are, after all, stronger and evil.”

“I am not evil Johnathon.”

“So all vampires are saints then? Well, what a relief.”

“We do what is needed to survive.”

“Sometimes it’s not even about survival is it?”

“No. Sometimes it’s about getting rid of the people who annoy you.”

“I thought you vampires were all about the philosophy behind human emotion and actions? Isn’t that what Dharma said? It’s about being detached.”

“Dharma lies. If it was about detachment from human emotion why would she care if I killed you? ”

“You tell me oh wise one.”

“You amuse me.”

“In a good way I hope.”

“In a good way, yes.”

“What do you want?”

“To speak with you.”

“Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”

“I would like to care for your store.”

“Why?”

“Who better? You know I won’t steal from you. I have no reason to. And besides, I can influence people into buying books.” He smiles.

“Why do you want to help me?” I ask skeptically.

“You are important to Dharma.” He says moving again, this time the opposite way.

I move again.

“This is getting old.” He says.

His voice and his demeanor change.

“What?”

“I am going to have you no matter what.” He threatens.

“Why do you want me? You told Dharma to kill me and now you want me for yourself?”

“Do you know how strong I can make you?”

“Strong enough to kill you?” I ask.

He laughs.

And on cue, I shiver.

“You haven’t lived long enough for that.”

He grabs the table and shoves it aside.

I back up until I hit the counter.

Damn it.

He stalks towards me.

“No. She won’t allow it.” I say.

He grabs me by my upper arms.

“Well, she isn’t here now is she? Besides,” He says, his lips touching my ear. “I blocked your mind. She won’t know until it’s too late.”

“You can’t do this.” I gasp as he squeezes my arms.

“Oh but I am.”

“Why? Tell me why?”

“You are a good choice. If strong enough, you might survive long. She has wanted you for almost as long as I’ve wanted her. If she has you by her side, maybe she will find room   
for me as well.”

“I don’t want a part in your little love story.”

“It’s too late, you’re already in it.”


	9. Chapter 9

I hand the keys to my shop over to Marcus.

After that scare he gave me, I wasn’t so sure about being with Dharma but I loved her and I wasn’t going to let him have her.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

I knew he wasn’t just talking about the store.

“Yes.”

“Really?”

I glare at him.

“Because you won’t be able to take it back afterwards you know. There is no reversal in death. And your little girlfriend, Christina was it? She doesn’t need you to protect her. She has her husband Phil for that now.”

“What the fuck do you know about my life?”

“Everything. I am not as forgiving or as loving as Dharma. I’m sure you already know that. If you don’t, it’s best you start learning it. I won’t stand for your stupid human emotions.”

“Well, it’s is all I know since I am human.”

“If you fuck this up again you won’t have to worry about what you’re going to do with the rest of your life. Got it?”

“Well then. If you and your little Italian mob excuse me, I have some packing to do. So here are the keys and don’t you fuck this up. I hope there’s still some rational side in there. My customers aren’t food, got it?”

He rips the keys out of my hand.

“Okay.” I say walking away.

I booked a flight to London and with my cat in tow; I boarded the plane that same afternoon. 

The flight landed close to dawn.

Her estate was magnificent.

I paid the cabby and walked up to the rod iron gate. I inserted the key into the lock and opened the door. I locked it behind me and putting the key back into my pants pocket, I walked up the driveway to the front house.

I walked around the house towards the back yard.

It was huge.

I could get lost out here.

I walked until I spotted the headstone.

There was an angel lying on top of the grave, it had been carved in white granite. It looked so beautiful, so real. Like at any moment it would open its eyes and sit up. It lay on its side, his face towards the west. One arm was curved up close towards his chest, the other outstretched under his head. His flowing hair lay beautifully behind him onto the wings, his wings relaxed in sleep. His legs were semi-curved up underneath his body. He wore breeches only, so he was barefoot and shirtless. His face was relaxed, so young and innocent. I touched his hair and his wings. The artist had done a magnificent job. I could actually feel every feather. 

The headstone looked new; it was made of black marble.

It read:

Damon Reynaud  
October 884-January 901  
Immortality is yours my brother, for you live forever in my heart.

I looked around. It really was a beautiful place to be buried. The wind blew through the trees and brought with it the sweet smell of the roses from the garden.

I walked towards the house.

Archie was hissing at me.

I knew he wanted out of the carrier.

I went inside and let Archie out.

He ran up the stairs.

“Don’t pee or scratch anything.” I yell after him.

I put down the carrier and my luggage and walk down the familiar hallway.

The pictures here were the same as they had been in my dreams.

There were some of old folk. Under one of them, it had a plaque with their last name. Reynaud it said. These must have been her parents. I looked at them closely. She looked more like her father. On the opposite wall, there was another picture of a man and a woman. They didn’t look at all like Dharma’s folks, so I figured it must be some other important people. I walked towards the next picture. On the left side of the hallway there was the picture of Damon that I had seen in Dharma’s house back in California. To my right was the picture of Dharma that had also been back at the other house. She must have permanently left that house then. The next pictures were of Dharma and Damon, together. I stopped to admire it. Dharma sat in a chair and Damon stood behind her. Their smiles were almost the same. Except his was freer, while hers was more reserved. His eyes were full of laughter. I touched Dharma’s face. Her eyes, always so serious and dark. Even then. I turned to look at the picture behind me. I stood frozen for a moment and then walked closer. 

The plaque read: Johnathon. 

I looked at my face, frozen through time. This Johnathon had been younger than I was now when this portrait had been made. His eyes and his smile looked so alien to me. I had never seen that expression on my own face. That expression was one of pure adoration and happiness. So Dharma must have been there. 

I lingered on my painting longer, just staring at myself. I touched those blue eyes, so like my own.

I turned and walked further down the hallway.

On the first door to my right, I opened the door.

This was the room I had dreamt.

Dharma was right. The furniture was the same. The four poster bed, the drawer, the bureau. Everything had been preserved well through time, even the chimney.

I touch the wine red bed spread.

“If these walls could talk.” I murmur to myself.

“They would say that life was better when you were still here.”

I turn to look at her.

She wore blue jeans and a black ruffled sleeveless shirt. Her hair was picked up in a ponytail. She wore earrings for the first time since I had met her.

“Dharma.” I breathe.

“You don’t know how many times I came here looking for you after you were gone. Seeing you standing here, alive and so beautiful, I never want this image to go away.”

“I love you.” I said. “Do you love me?” 

“Do you still have to ask?”

“I want to hear you say it.”

“I love you Johnathon. More than you know.”

Dharma gave me the grand tour of the place. She took me to see the garden and her family’s graves. Her parent’s had been buried next to Damon so I knew that it wasn’t them who she was taking me to see. These graves had one headstone covering them both. It only had the names but no record of when they had been born or when they had died.

 

Johnese and Milena Gustav

 

“Who are they?” I ask.

Freshly cut flowers adorned their graves.

“Your parents. Well, the people who had been your parents.”

She looks at me.

“You brought them here?”

“Yes. I thought that you would have wanted them here. If you ever came back, you might have liked to see them. Then when you died, I kept them. In case I ever found you again.”

“Thank you.”

I spotted another grave next to theirs.

I let go of her and walked forward until I stood in front of it.

Dharma didn’t move.

She didn’t have to say anything. The headstone said it all.

 

Jeanathon Gustav  
1843-1872  
May angels guide you to eternal peace; find the rest that you seek.

 

I crouched and reached out to touch the name.

I turned to look at Dharma.

Her gaze regarded me.

“It’s not your body that rests here. It is only in your memory that I had this put in place.” She said quietly.

“I can’t imagine what this must have been like. Losing the one that you love more than yourself.”

Her hand touched the back of my head.

“All that matters is that you are here now. I finally found you and we will make sure that I never lose you again.”

I stood and took her hands in mine.

“Never again.” I promised.


	10. Chapter 10

By the time six o’clock rolled around, I was a nervous wreck.

“Don’t be afraid.” She told me.

“Easy for you to say.”

“It will be over before you know it. You won’t feel any pain. It’s almost the same as when you’ve taken blood from me before.”

“It’s the almost that has me worried.”

“The difference is that I won’t be offering it to you from my mouth. You’ll either take the blood from my wrist or my neck. Whichever you prefer.”

“Whichever is faster.” I say biting my nail.

She takes my hand in hers.

“There is nothing for you to be afraid of.”

“Can you just get to it before I lose my nerve?”

My hands felt ice cold and I wasn’t even dead yet.

“It is normal to be afraid. You will be dying after all.” 

“Okay, I know you’re trying to be supportive and everything. But you’re really not helping me at all. So let’s do this.”

She helps me stand up off the bed.

“Johnathon.”

I look into her dark eyes.

“I love you.”

I smile.

“I love you.”

“I want you to have something.”

“What?”

She removes a ring off her finger and places it in my hand.

“It belonged to my brother. It was passed down to him when he became man of the house. I want you to have it. It belonged to you before and I want it to be yours now.”

I look at the ring.

It was a blood red ruby set in a thick silver setting. There were wines carved into the sides and they seemed to reach out and hold the ruby in place.

“Thank you.”

“There is nothing to thank me for. It’s yours.”

I place the ring on my left ring finger.

“Still. Thank you, for everything.”

I stare into her eyes until they seemed to touch my soul.

“Johnathon.”

“Yes.”

“Do you understand what being a vampire means?”

“Yes.”

“Are you completely certain that this is the life that you want?”

“Yes.”

“Do you believe you will live in peace and without regrets of what might have been?”

“I guess.”

“No.”

“I don’t know.”

“You have to be sure.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

“Yes, I won’t go back. I’ll leave it all in the past.”

“Good.”

She caresses my face and then places her lips softly over mine.

She moves her hand from my shoulder to my neck.

“Relax.” 

I take a deep breath and relax my head against hers.

I felt her lips against my shoulder.

Her arms wound around my neck.

I fell into the kiss and forgot what I had been so nervous about.

Her lips move over my neck.

I gasp and her teeth enter my flesh.

The weakness came fast.

I could actually hear my heart slow down.

I gasped for breath.

She laid me down on the bed.

She bit into her wrist and placed it over my mouth.

The blood flowed freely and thickly into my mouth.

I swallowed compulsively until I couldn’t take any more.

I pushed her wrist away weakly.

“Sleep. I will be here with you. There is nothing to fear. I will watch over you as you sleep and tomorrow night when you wake up, I will give you more blood and then show you   
how to hunt. Close your eyes.”

I reach for her.

Her warm hands touched me.

“Dharma.” 

“I know you feel weak but soon you will regain your strength.” She caresses my head. “I will stay here with you. Go to sleep.” 

I felt her sit close to me, her body no longer as cold and hard as it had seemed to me before.

The whisperings in my head quieted down until all there was, was just silence.

I was asleep before she lay down next to me.

****************  
When I opened my eyes, I felt the difference.

The weight of my limbs, my vision.

I could hear Archie out scurrying in the distance for mice.

I sat up.

The room was dark but I could see things so clearly.

The voices in my head returned, but they weren’t intense. They were just like a lot of fluttering butterfly wings. I concentrated on one particular voice and all the rest died out.

~Dharma.~

~Johnathon.~

When I smiled, I felt my new set of teeth.

I lifted my hand to touch them.

Dharma was there, coming towards me.

I reach for her hands.

She felt more human to me. She was no longer cold and hard, but alive and soft. I touch her hair and her face. It was like I was seeing her for the first time.

Her lips felt soft and warm against mine.

I pull her to me, onto my lap and held her so close.

I breathed her in.

“How do you feel?” Her lips caressed my shoulder.

“Better than ever.”

She looks at me and smiles.

I couldn’t resist kissing her again.

“It’s like being born again.” 

“Yes.”

“I feel alive and so happy we can be together now.”

“I’m happy about it too. But you still need more strength.”

She kissed me then took my left hand in hers.

I watched her closely as she bit into my wrist.

There was no longer the pain that I had felt when she had done it before. Now there was an unbelievable sense of pleasure flowing through me. My body shivered and I caressed her head.

She looked up at me.

I kissed her, tasting my blood still on her lips.

I laid over her and instinctively bit into her neck.

Her hands on my back pulled me closer.

Her heart beat and her mind urging me to drink more.

I kissed that place that I had bitten and looked down at her.

“Now we hunt.” I say.

She smiles.

I pull her up and touch her neck. There was no mark.

“Our blood is strong. You know that. There will be no mark on your victims.”

“That’s good right?”

“Very good.”

I couldn’t stop staring at her.

She caressed my face.

“You are as strong as I can make you. What you need now is to feed so that you can change completely.” 

Deep down I felt some sense of disgust. But it was only an echo of what it had been when I had been mortal.

“Remember, you are newly born. The sun can hurt you. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be awake during the day. But you will feel weak, it would be best if you rested and saved   
your strength.”

“So I’ll be living like the vampires in my books for a while?”

“Yes. Not as long as you think. Soon you will be strong enough to venture out during the day and if you want, we can go back to your home in California.”

“I think I would like to spend more time here with you.” I say caressing her arms.

“I would like that too.”

I smile and kiss her again.  
*************  
As the days passed by, I became better at the hunting thing. It wasn’t hard to kill; it was hard to deal with it afterwards. I started hunting only for those who hurt or killed others. 

It made me feel better about killing. Dharma spent her days by my side. Even though I told her she didn’t have to. There was no one in this house but her and me. The cleaning maid came only on Thursdays and the gardener was here Monday and Friday. And all I did during the day was sleep. But Dharma was stubborn.

“I don’t have anything else to do. Besides, I’d rather be here with you.” 

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

I kissed her hard and hugged her to me.

“You’re enjoying this way too much.” She says.

I smiled and closed my eyes.

Marcus came to visit two months into my rebirth as I liked to call it.

I felt his presence before he spoke and before I even saw him.

“And how are you today?”

I open my eyes.

He was sitting at the foot of the bed, one leg curled up.

“Marcus.” 

“Johnathon. How is the undead life treating you?”

“Can’t complain. You?”

“Pretty good.”

I sit up against the headboard.

“So, is there a reason why you’re here or did you just miss me?” 

“I missed you desperately.” He rolls his eyes.

I smile.

He didn’t really hate me; he just disliked me more sometimes than others. He cared deeply for Dharma. It was like the line between friendship and love became a blur a long time   
ago, leaving him confused. He had left her because he had wanted her to learn how to be independent. Show her that she could survive on her own. Her brother’s death had still been at the forefront of Dharma’s mind, and all she cared about was finding Damon. Marcus had thought that she didn’t care if he was there or not. That wasn’t true since Dharma had told me she missed him when he was gone. He had thought that with time she would stop dressing like a boy, but obviously that never went away. There was a period where she had stopped and that had been when Dharma met me, and that had made Marcus take notice. He was never that far away from her because he worried she wouldn’t survive long. In a way he was grateful that I had been the reason why Dharma had lived this long, but a part of him cursed me for taking what he felt belonged to him. 

He wanted her to be happy but he had hoped it had been with him. 

“Whatever.”

“Don’t you care that I missed you?”

“You and I didn’t really know each other that well, so it’s not really believable that you miss someone you don’t know.”

“But I do know you Johnathon. You and I have more things in common that you know.”

“Name three things.” I say crossing my arms.

“Okay. Number one, Dharma. Number two, your store. And number three, our need to survive.”

“Name three more.”

He laughs.

The rumbling of his voice reverberated in my chest. 

He really was a good guy, except when his temper showed up. Then he wasn’t so nice. But I thought he could be a good friend, a guy couldn’t live to be two thousand without   
learning some survival tricks along the way.

“So true.” He said. “Like how to block your mind if you want to keep things private.”

“So we can be friends then?”

“Friends, if you want.”

I hold out my hand.

He takes it.

I smile.

He releases my hand and leans forward, walking on his hands and knees towards me.

I lean back.

“I think you’re close enough.” I say. “Maybe it’s just me but I have the need for this thing called personal space. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it.”

He smiles.

“We’re friends now.”

“And?”

“I’m not going to hurt you Johnathon.”

“It’s not the hurt that I’m worried about.”

His lips press against mine.

I turn my head away.

“Yes, I love you too.” I say pushing him away.

He bites my neck but not hard enough to draw blood.

“Marcus.” I warn.

“I just want to taste you.” 

I snort and get up off the bed.

“Right.” I mutter.

“There is nothing wrong with a little blood sharing between friends.” He follows me out of the room.

“Yes, there is.” 

I look at him following behind me.

“You’re not getting any of my blood. So stop following me.”

“I want to go hunting with you.”

“What is this? Now we have to do everything together because we’re friends?”

“Ha. If you only knew what friends used to do in my day.” He says briefly leaning in close.

He walked out of the house and onto the streets ahead of me.

I shake my head and walk at my own pace.


	11. Chapter 11

I usually went to the pubs and streets where I knew dark spirited people lurked.

Tonight was no exception.

When I walked in to the first pub, Marcus was already there with a young woman on his lap.

I turned and walked out.

As I walked past an alley, I heard them behind me.

I knew I was dressed too finely to be in this part of the town, but that was the whole point. To attract them to me, make this easier.

There were two of them, both males in their thirties. A young female up ahead was the decoy. I stopped, pretending to be looking for something in my pockets. They stopped a few feet behind me. I continued walking, my hunger already becoming sharper and bubbling towards the surface. I turned my senses over to it until it was all I knew.

I saw the female before she even moved towards me, blocking my path. The scrape of the pocket knives opening had my body tensing waiting for the struggle, small as it might   
be.

“Where are you going in such a hurry love?” The female asked.

“I’m looking for this place here.” I showed her the scrap of paper in my hand.

“You’re not from around here.” She said placing a hand on my bicep.

“No.” I smiled a little.

She moved closer.

“Are you in a hurry or do you have time for a little fun?” She said.

“What kind of fun?”

The two men were close now, close enough to grab me.

I felt the press of a knife at my right side.

“Looks like it’s not your night.” One of them said.

“Give us all you’ve got.” The other instructed.

They were afraid but they liked the adrenaline rush.

They figured I was rich and would be carrying a lot of money or things of value on my person.

The female stepped back.

I touched her arms.

She looked at me.

I focused my gaze at her.

“Come closer.” I told her.

She stepped nearer.

“What are you doing?” One of the men asked her.

“Shelly, get out of the way.” The other male hissed at her.

I touched her neck.

She shivered and placed her hands on my waits.

“Close your eyes.” I said leaning close to her.

Her heart sped up with anticipation.

“The money, now.” The man to my left, Martin, said pressing the tip of the knife on my neck.

I straightened.

“I don’t have much on me.” I said.

“Shelly, check his pockets.”

She opened her eyes but didn’t move.

“Hey! What is the matter with you?” The one to my right, Stan, yelled at her.

“Quiet. You want people to hear you?” Martin told him.

I smiled at her, she smiled back automatically.

“You don’t want to die, do you Shelly?” I asked.

“No.” She said.

“Good. Go stand over there, close your eyes and cover your ears. Don’t turn around no matter what. Do you understand?”

She nodded.

“Go.”

She went and did as instructed.

“What the fuck?” Martin said.

“What did you do to her?” Stan asked.

I turned to look at them.

They backed off.

“So, who wants to go first?” I asked.

They looked at each other and then came forward, their knives ready.

I caught Martin first as he tried to stab me with the knife. He nicked my arm a bit, but it was of no consequence.

“Let him go.” Stan yelled pulling out a gun.

I let the lifeless body drop with a thud.

His hands shook as they pointed the gun at my chest.

“You don’t want to shoot me do you?” I asked.

“Is he dead? Did you kill him?” He asked.

“Yes.”

His lip trembled.

“You son of a bitch.” He said.

I walked closer.

He hesitated and I made my move.

I grabbed him and pulled him close.

He struggled.

I bit into his neck.

The gun fell from his hands.

The blood filled my mouth and I drank, forgetting about everything else.

A cold hand on my back brought me out of my reverie.

I opened my eyes.

I let go of the man in my arms.

His body fell onto the pavement.

“Nicely done.” Marcus said.

I straightened.

He focused his gaze over my shoulder.

I turned.

The female was still there, standing where I had left her.

I walked towards Shelly.

I touched her back.

She looked up at me.

“You were never here. You never saw me.” I told her.

Her gaze didn’t leave me.

“Forget this night. You were home, taking care of your brother. Go.”

She ran off.

Marcus came closer.

“Why did you let her go? She’s as guilty as them.” 

“Some other time.” I said.

“Come. I know where there are more like these.” He said nudging Stan’s foot.

“Wait.” I said.

I grabbed the bodies and threw them into the dumpster.

“You could have just shot them.” Marcus suggested.

“No bullets. It was just a last resort.” I said.

He laughed.

******************

One night I traveled closer to home.

Christina had someone who loved her completely.

Phil.

I was glad.

I could hear her praying as I wandered the dark streets.

I stayed a while more, needing to be close.

Then when I knew it was time to leave, I projected my love and went on my way.

My third victim I took in Spain.

The fourth I looked for in France.

I had been following a young man for ten minutes now. I followed him as he followed his next victim. 

He was young but a killer, like me.

His mind wasn’t right.

Before he could edge closer to his victim, I grabbed him.

I pulled him onto a dark alley and before he could protest, I sunk my teeth into his flesh.

His blood tasted bitter.

I spit it out and let him drop to the floor as I wiped my mouth.

“Drug addict.” A female said her European accent strong.

She stood next to me.

Her grey-blue eyes regarded me then looked back at my victim.

I frowned at her.

She wasn’t human but for some reason, I hadn’t detected her.

“Familiarity.” She said. “You feel Dharma and Marcus because you are close to them, attached.” 

The young man was trying to crawl away.

“Are you going to let him go?” She asked.

I grabbed the young man and broke his neck.

I stood and looked at her.

I tried to read her mind, know who she was. 

But there was nothing there. Her mind was blank, only showing what she was seeing at this moment.

“This is the part where I ask who you are.” I said after a moment.

She smiled and extended her hand.

“My name is Kristin.”

I shook her hand.

So civilized.

“And you’re here because?”

“It’s a vampire reunion Johnathon. We’ve come to meet you.” She said a mischievous glint in her eyes.

She was my age, old enough to remember her mortal life but young enough to not be marred by mortality.

“We?” I asked.

“Catherin and James are with me.”

“Like a welcoming committee?” I asked.

She laughed.

“Come on. I’ll show you. You don’t have to worry; you can rest here with us and go back to London tomorrow night.”

I looked at my victim one more time then followed her out onto the street.

“I remember you now that I have seen you.” She said.

“Yeah?”

“You passed by here when you were looking for Dharma. I saw you, only for a moment.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Are you friends with Dharma?” I asked.

“We know each other. I don’t know if a friend is the word I would use, but we aren’t enemies either.”

“Good.”

She took my arm and we walked down the streets.

She led me to a beautiful hotel.

We entered the lobby.

The man at the front desk welcomed her back. He looked at me but didn’t say anything.

“Come on.” She said grabbing my hand and leading me into the elevator.

She pressed for the thirteenth floor.

I removed my hand from hers.

She smiled but didn’t look at me.

The trip up was quiet.

We stepped out of the elevators and she led me to the rooms on my right.

We walked until we came to room 1312.

She inserted the key card into the slot and opened the door.

She gestured me to enter first.

I really didn’t know what to expect.

As I walked into the room, the other two vampires stood from the couch.

The other female came towards me while the male scrutinized me with his eyes.

“Johnathon. What a pleasure to finally meet you. I am Catherin.” She said extending her hand.

Her French accent was charming.

I smiled and shook her hand.

Her aqua blue eyes were inviting.

She smiled, her eyes crinkling.

She was older than Kristin, probably Marcus’s age.

She was a bit shorter than Dharma, but just as strong looking. Her creamy skin looked so soft; I almost had the urge to touch it.

She laughed softly.

“Catherin.” I said smiling.

She turned to the other.

“James.” She said gesturing him forward.

He came and stood in front of me.

He was about my height, a little shorter but mostly the same.

He was broad shouldered; his light brown/blond hair was short. It stood in little tuff’s like he had just woken up. His green eyes stared at me curiously; his young face devoid of   
lines or wrinkles.

He could easily pass for a high school kid.

“I’m not young.” He said, his voice young, a little scratchy.

He had no accent, like Dharma.

“You look young.” I said.

“So do you.” He answered.

He stepped closer, placing his hands on my shoulders.

“Welcome.” He said.

Then he stepped back and walked back to the sofa.

I stared at his back, a bit confused.

“Come on Johnathon. Sit with us for a while.” Catherin said grabbing my arm and leading me towards the sofa.

I sat next to her across from Kristin and James.

He looked at me, his eyes shining gold in the light.

“You shouldn’t travel so far away, you’re still young. You might have the urge to stay a little more, spying on your girlfriend. Then where will you hide from the sun? It’s not good   
to play with your life that way.” He said.

I could feel my face becoming hard, wanting to tell him to mind his own business.

But I took a breath and relaxed.

“Not much for a little criticism are you?” He asked smiling a bit.

“We’re only telling you this for your own safety Johnathon. Do not be offended.” Kristin said.

I nodded.

“Where are you staying?” Catherin asked me.

“London.” I said looking at her.

“With Dharma.” She said.

“Yes.”

“Perhaps Johnathon would like to rest now.” James suggested.

I was starting to feel lethargic, which announced to me that dawn was only an hour away.

“Yes. Come, I will show you.” Catherin said standing.

I followed her out of the room.

I could hear Kristin and James whispering but I couldn’t make out the words.

My mind was becoming foggy, my body heavy.

Catherin led me into a room.

She shut the door and went to the window.

She closed the heavy drapes and then turned to the bed.

“I hate when they put the bed right in the sun’s path. Some people like to sleep in.” She complained.

She pushed the night stand to a side with her foot, then grabbed the bed by its frame and pulled it forward so that it was out of the sunlight’s path.

I would have helped but my limbs felt like they were made of led.

She pulled down the covers and grabbed my arm.

I shuffled forward, almost falling in the process.

She grabbed me around the waist.

“Easy.” She said.

I fell onto the bed with a sigh.

My eyes closed and I knew nothing.


	12. Chapter 12

~Where are you?~

~Here.~

~I can’t see you.~

She laughed softly.

~Open your eyes.~

I opened them and there she was.

I reached out for her hand.

~You’re with them.~

~In France.~

She nodded a bit, looking thoughtful.

~Okay. When are you coming back?~

~As soon as I wake up.~

~That won’t be for another thirty-five minutes.~

~Really?~

~Yes.~

I kissed her.

~What shall we do to pass time?~ I asked frowning thoughtfully.

She smiled.

~Not that.~

~Come on. This is my dream, so take off your clothes.~

~You’re insane.~ She laughed.

I hugged her close.

~Yes. Take off your clothes.~ Marcus said.

~Get out. This is a private dream.~ I told him.

~I was telling you.~ He said.

~Sorry to barge in on this threesome but I just wanted to inform Johnathon that this isn’t a private dream.~ James said.

Dharma let go of me and walked towards him.

She hugged him for a long moment, then smiled at him and touched his face.

He grabbed her hand.

~That is a private dream. ~ Marcus said standing beside me.

~Shut up.~ I told him. ~Is this the part where the two of you skip off into the sunset or are you coming back?~ I asked Dharma.

Marcus snorted beside me.

Dharma looked at me.

She walked towards me, James by her side.

~Come on, time to get up.~ James said gesturing to me.

He disappeared from my sight.

Dharma kissed me and then Marcus before disappearing as well.

~This was fun.~ Marcus said.

I snorted and felt his lips on my temple.

I opened my eyes.

James was there looking at me.

He stood.

I sat up.

I got out of bed and stretched.

“So this Christina girl, was she a girlfriend?”

“Yes.”

“And you love her?”

“Yes.”

“More or the same?”

I knew he was asking about my feelings for Dharma.

“Less.” I said looking at him.

He looked away.

“Come on. I’ll show you to the easy targets and then you can say your good-byes to Kristin and Catherin.”

I walked out of the room behind him.

“Not to you?” I asked.

He smiled but didn’t answer.

We walked out of the hotel into the night.

It was warm.

I breathed in the scent of fresh cut grass and blooming flowers.

James looked at me.

“It’s so weird.” He said.

“What?”

“How human you still are.”

“Well, I’ve only been this way for three months.”

“I haven’t seen a new vampire in years.”

“Really? Have you ever made one?”

“Yes.”

“And?” I asked gesturing for more.

He smiled again.

“Her name was Lena.”

“Was? I have a bad feeling about this story.”

“She wanted to be a vampire so badly. It was all she ever thought about. After I told her who and what I was, it took over everything. Even when I was with her, it was like an obsession. She practically interrogated me for all I knew of our kind.”

“What happened?”

“I was in love.” He shrugged. “I wanted her with me forever.”

“Did she want to be with you forever too?”

“I don’t know. Marcus came to me the day before, he was angry. He had seen how obsessed Lena had become. He yelled and forbade me from changing her, but he and I knew   
he had no power over me. So when he had calmed himself, we talked things over and I made my decision.”

“You changed her.”

“Yes. She was all I could see and I wanted her. But after the change, she went away. I didn’t see or hear from her for three hundred years, and then she came to me and asked me   
to end it.”

“Why?”

“She’d had enough. It wasn’t at all what she had made it out to be. That’s the problem when mortals romanticize our kind. We’re killers and that’s all there is to it. Living forever can’t change the fact. She had tried to live like her mortal friends, to keep that lifestyle she had liked. But it’s not possible. Their warm bodies and their blood is all that matters at first, you know how it is. The hunger and the need. Lena tried to force herself to only feed on animals and not mortals. She was weak and crazed with hunger. But she wouldn’t do it, she couldn’t kill anyone. It took her two hundred years to realize she wasn’t meant for this life. And one hundred to finalize her decision, to ask for death. She came to me, I had known of the choice she had made. I wanted her to be well, to live the way she was supposed to but she wouldn’t listen to me. She had made her choice and nothing was going to change her mind.”

“And you kill her?”

“Yes. It was the last thing I could do.”

“James, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Happily ever after doesn’t really happen to us. I guess we don’t deserve it.”

“That’s not true.” 

“You have to let Christina go. She isn’t for you and you know that it’s not meant for her.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“You say you love her less, then why do you keep searching for her?”

“I need to know how she is.”

“Why?”

“I care for her and I don’t want anything to happen to her.”

“She will die and you can’t prevent that. It is her fate but in the meantime, she can be happy with someone who can give her what she wants.”

“I try but I can’t stop.”

“Do you remember what happened to Violet?”

“How can I forget?”

“By keeping Christina in your life, you are sentencing her to the same fate. Dharma loves you and for the moment she is willing to overlook your obsession. But that won’t last.   
Love is a powerful thing my friend. It makes us do stupid things, dangerous things. Dharma gave you a choice. You accepted her invitation. No one forced you, you left Christina for Dharma. Remember that.”

“She would let me go.”

“Yes, she would. But you would be asking for a very powerful enemy.”

“Dharma loves me, she wouldn’t hurt me.”

“You know this to be a fact? Do you know how easily she could kill you, kill her?”

I was quiet for a moment.

“I love Dharma, so much. But I can’t leave everything I had as mortal.”

“But you’re not mortal any more. You’re a vampire.”

“Christina is my friend.”

“Is she still?”

“Yes.”

“You play in dangerous waters Johnathon. I know Dharma. If you push the limit, she won’t stop. She might not kill you, but she will get rid of all the people you have. You know that, I know you do. You can’t keep this up for long; Christina doesn’t need you or your protection. She isn’t for you, let her go.”

I sighed.

“How?”

“You need to figure that out on your own Johnathon. I’m only offering you council; it is up to you to heed my words.”

James led me to a seedy place of town where we both fed. Then we walked back to the hotel room in silence. I gave my farewells to Kristin and Catherin. 

I turned to James.

“I’m coming with you.” He said.

“Why?”

“I want to see Dharma.”

I nodded.

“Well, lady’s. It’s been a pleasure.” I said.

“I’ll be back soon. I’ll meet you in Alaska.” James said.

Catherin nodded.

Kristin smiled at me and waved as we walked out.

We walked in silence at first, just taking our time. James stooped on the way a lot, just looking at everyone. I don’t know why.

I shook my head and kept it to myself.

“What are you smiling about?” He asked me.

“Nothing.”

“I can read your mind you know. I just thought you would appreciate it more if I respected your privacy.”

“It’s just that you’re acting so weird, like you haven’t seen crowds in a long time. Have you been out of touch with people or what?”

“I like people. Dharma used to tell me all the time that I would have been a great helper. Like a doctor or something. Doesn’t mean I won’t kill them. I’ve lived in a bit of   
seclusion. I like to be by myself sometimes.”

“Have you ever helped a person before?”

“Yes. Twenty years ago I was coming back from Africa and there was a couple who had been in a car accident. I was glad I had been a vampire for centuries, believe me. The blood, God. It was everywhere. The woman had miscarried during the accident and the man had cut his leg on the shift stick. Their two young children were in the back, crying. They hadn’t been hurt, luckily. They were just afraid, terrified. I fixed up the father first. His wound wasn’t as bad or death threatening as his wife’s. Then I took the girls out of the car and moved them away from the vehicle. The woman was unconscious when I removed her from the car.”

“What did you do?”

“I made sure we were blocked from the view of the children and the husband and then I gave her some of my blood. It helped heal her. She woke up a minute later and was afraid   
when she saw me but I told her I was there to help. I helped her over to her husband and their daughters. I had a car with me, luckily, and I drove them to the nearest hospital. Years later, I looked for them. They had another child, a boy. They had named him James out of gratitude.” He smiled.

“Why did you help them?”

“Why not? They hadn’t done anything wrong.”

“Isn’t that what a vampire is though? Eternally evil.”

He laughed.

“Johnathon. You need to forget your stories. They’re not real.”

“So vampires can be good then?”

“To an extent.” He agreed.

I sighed.

“What?” He asked.

“Just thinking.”

“Ah.”

We were quiet the rest of the way home.

I could feel Dharma’s quiet reassurance and her anxiousness.

She had missed me.

Once we arrived, it was late.

I said hello and went upstairs to my room.

They stayed there in the living room talking.

As I closed my eyes, I reached out one more time.

“Johnathon, where are you? I miss you.”

I heard her sigh.

~Christina.~


	13. Chapter 13

When I woke up the next night, Dharma and James were gone.

I don’t know where and I didn’t bother trying to find out.

I got up and went hunting.

When I came back, they were still away.

I went to visit Damon.

I crouched down and placed the flowers near the angel.

“Hi Damon, I know I haven’t come to see you since I changed. I’m sorry. Right now I feel like you’re the only one I can talk to. I made a mistake, a mistake too late to try and  
mend. Everything’s changed Damon; nothing is the way it was. I know I made my choice, I don’t regret the time we had together Dharma and me. It’s just that it’s not what I  
thought it would be. Talking to James yesterday got me thinking. I think I was more in love with the idea of us and what it would be. She’s not the same. I love her, I do. But things have become clear now.”

“How?”

I turned to find Dharma and James behind me.

I stood.

Dharma’s face was closed off, James looked awkward.

“I’m going to be inside.” He said walking away.

“How?” Dharma asked again.

“Dharma.”

“How are things clear to you Johnathon?”

“It wasn’t real Dharma.”

“How’s that?”

“Who you were, it was something so unimaginable to me. I was in love with that, the idea of immortality. In love with the idea of you and me, but we’re not who we were. You  
love me because I remind you of a past love. That is the only reason. But I’m not Jeanathon Gustav, I’m Johnathon Manning and that is all I can be. I’m not here to amend the mistakes he made or spend an eternity with you because that’s what you would have liked for him to do. I’m here because I loved you, like any mortal could have. Your beauty and your weirdness, the way you freaked me out and how I loved to spend time with you. You made sense of things for me, made this world beautiful. But it’s not the same at all anymore is it? We can’t hide anything from each other. This is all we have. Two vampires more in love with the possibility of what could have been. I don’t know who I love anymore, maybe neither of you.”

“This is about Christina isn’t it?”

“Partially but mostly it’s about you.”

“I love you.”

“Maybe.”

“I do.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re you. Because…”

“Because what?”

She turned away then looked back at me.

“I’ve always loved you Johnathon. You know that.”

“Yes, I know. You loved him though, not me.” I said pointing at Jeanathon’s grave.

“He is you.”

“No, he’s not. We haven’t led the same lives Dharma.”

“Why is this a surprise all of a sudden? You knew it all, I told you before. You didn’t have a problem with it then. You are him Johnathon, you are! You can’t deny it. The dreams  
and the visions of what it was. You knew me.”

I looked down.

“Why Johnathon?” She asked.

I looked at her.

“It was a mistake.”

It was as if I had slapped her. Her face so shocked. Her large eyes shined brighter with unshed tears.

“No.” She said.

“I’m leaving.”

“Johnathon.”

The tears rolled down her red cheeks.

I reached out.

Her grip on my forearm was tight.

“You can’t leave me, not again. I love you Johnathon. I love you! You have to believe that, please.”

“I do believe it Dharma. I love you too. But our love is not enough to keep us together.”

“It can if you give it a chance.”

“It’s too late. Our time has come and gone. Forgive me.”

“It’s not too late! You’re the reason why I didn’t give in Johnathon, the reason why I’ve lived so long. I love you. Please don’t make me live out the rest of my life without you  
again. I can’t.”

“You’re so strong. You don’t need me.”

“What do I need eternity if I don’t have you to share it with?”

“I’m sorry.” I said removing her hand from my arm.

“Is it because of her?”

I looked at her.

“Is it?” She asked again.

“I don’t know.”

She turned and walked away.

“Wait.”

She stopped but didn’t turn around.

I stepped close to her and put my arms around her.

“I do love you.” I said.

“I know.” She said quietly.

“Promise you won’t hurt her.”

Her body stiffened.

“I don’t owe you anything.” She said.

“Dharma.”

She shoved my hands off of her and walked away from me for the second time.

I stood there for a while then left.

I didn’t take my things from the house, I didn’t need them.

******************

A year had gone by and I was finally able to see the sun again.

How I had missed it.

I spent time in Panama, Australia and one month in France. This last month, I have spent in Chicago.

Christina has two children, a boy and a girl.

The boy was named Jesse and the girl was named after my mother, Lillian.

She was happy, more so than I could have ever made her. She and her husband moved to Minnesota where he works as a computer tech. 

I approached her two weeks ago.

She was happy to see me and I was glad she didn’t notice the difference.

I lived close to her house, while I reconstructed my home in California.

I wanted to go back there. It was my home after all.

Marcus was no longer there.

He had left after he heard I had walked away from Dharma.

He had been so angry, but he hadn’t threatened me or anything. Which was good I suppose?

The keys to my shop just arrived one day while I was in Panama. No note, nothing.

So my shop there was closed, Dharma still ran my shop in London.

She put the money into an account for me.

I hadn’t talked to her in all these years.

It was hard in the beginning, the separation.

But it became better as time passed on.

I loved her, I was sure of that now. But I still needed my time to figure out what I was going to do for the rest of my life.

However long that was going to be.

I spent another three weeks with Christina and then I went back home.

My house still wasn’t finished, so I rented a hotel room.

The first day back in my shop was amazing.

There were a lot of new customers. I had to give it to Marcus, he had kept his word. The shop was full of customers every day. And not just the same ones, there were new faces  
every day. 

Both of my stores were doing great. I was glad.

But then the dreams started coming back.

It was confusing. I hadn’t had them in a long time; it was like starting over again.

And it wasn’t just when I was asleep either.

That night I fell asleep in front of the television, I didn’t think I would sleep but it had been four days since I had last slept.

~You aren’t forever Johnathon.~

~Dharma?~

~They aren’t forever.~

The flames appeared out of nowhere jerking me awake.

I sat up catching my breath.

I was afraid to call for her.

I didn’t believe Dharma had anything to do with them, but a part of me was still scared.

She had told me once that the dreams had been because I had been trying to remember who I had been, but I already knew all I had to know. 

If it was like the situation I had been before, she would come right?

I tried to keep Christina and her family out of my mind. It was easy to do, but sometimes I would hear her call my name. Either in prayers or dreams.

Tonight seemed different to me, the sound of her voice, and the beat of her heart.

She kept calling for me and I sensed some deep fear in her.

As I walked, I once more reached for Christina. There was still that fear.

I left and headed back to my house, hunting as I went.

I walked the streets I had used to, where I always knew I could find the people I was looking for.

My first kill came soon enough.

I found him lurking in the ally waiting for someone to pass by.

I was dumping the body when I felt a sharp pain in my back.

I gasped.

“Murderer.”

I turned.

There were twenty young looking vampires standing around me.

Their skin was so pale, so inhuman.

Their wild eyes bore into me.

“Murderer.” They hissed again.

“What?” I asked.

My vision was blurring.

“You killed that innocent to satisfy your own demonic need.” Someone said.

“He wasn’t innocent.” I said.

I touched my back and my hand came away bloody.

“You deserve to die.” One of them said coming forward.

I looked at him.

Alex was his name.

“What did you do?” I asked.

My back started burning like if I was on fire.

“Join us.” He said.

My head began pounding and I felt like I would pass out or vomit.

“We can save you. Say you will come with us.”

“I don’t understand.” 

My mouth felt thick. And my body was becoming heavy, almost the same as when I had been newly changed.

My heart beat faster.

“Dharma.” I called weakly.

“Don’t call for that demon! Come with us, we can save you. You don’t have to live this way.” He yelled grabbing me around the neck roughly.

“What did you do?” I asked again.

Another sharp stab hit my left thigh.

I cried out.

“Say you will join us while there is still time to stop the poison.”

I shook my head to clear my jumbled thoughts.

“Johnathon, you don’t have to kill people.” Alex whispered close to my ear.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Those who won’t join will die. The mortals don’t deserve this. Are you with us or not?”

“You’re weak. You can’t win.” I said.

I was shoved back.

I hit the ground hard.

It made my back spasm with pain.

I rolled onto my side, gasping.

“You don’t seem to be up for the challenge.” He said.

They laughed.

“Are you?” Someone else asked. 

I heard the fluttering of clothes.

Someone knelt near me; a cold hand touched my face.

“Stupid fucks.”

I smiled as I recognized the voice.

“Marcus.” I said.

“Don’t move.” He instructed.

“I wouldn’t even if I could.” I said.

Something dripped onto my eyes.

It stung a little but my vision became clear.

I looked at Marcus.

He licked his lips.

“Thanks.” I said.

He nodded.

He helped me sit up.

I groaned.

“Don’t worry. You won’t die.” He said.

I breathed through the pain.

The others began moving away.

“Going somewhere?”

They scattered about as James stood between them and the exit.

Marcus moved and stood at the other end so that they were trapped between them.

“You can’t stop us all. Look at your friend, he will die.” Alex said.

“You will die.” Dharma came out from behind Marcus.

She glanced at me.

Her dark eyes made me shiver.

In an instant she had Alex by the throat.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Dharma said with controlled anger.

He struggled against her hold.

The other scary looking vampires took out daggers. 

Marcus snorted and without waiting, he took the nearest one and broke the neck. The body fell with a thud onto the pavement.

Dharma dragged Alex over to me.

She forced him onto his knees before me.

Dharma’s direct gaze told me all I needed to know.

“No. I only wanted to help you. There is no regret with killing animals. It is a better life for you Johnathon. You know it too.” Alex told me as he realized what was about to  
happen.

I stared at his pleading eyes then looked up at Dharma.

“No mercy.” Dharma told me.

It was as if she were a completely different person. I had never seen her hunt or so enraged in the time I had spent by her side. Her eyes dark with death, not even a shadow of  
the woman I loved was present in them. Those dark eyes terrified me more than the thought that other vampires wanted to kill me.

“Dharma.” I said.

She tightened her hands around Alex’s neck and pushed him towards me.

Her dark eyes glared at me, commanding me to do as told.

This was the creature that had lived for thousands of years. This was that thing that in occasion had threatened to show itself. It was here now and I didn’t know how to make it  
go away and give me back my Dharma.

I lowered my gaze and took Alex from her.

I bit into his neck and took it all.

Dharma had been right, these vampires were weak.

As I let go of the body, the others seemed to become aware that they would follow the same path and they began to panic. 

Some of them managed to escape.

Dharma went after them.

The vampire’s blood had helped me gain some strength. As I realized that Dharma wouldn’t be coming back until she had killed them all, I stood and went after her.

“Dharma!”

She ran fast up ahead of me, I barely had a glimpse of her hair.

“No Dharma!”

I caught the scent of the other vampires up ahead.

Somehow Dharma managed to corral them into a dead end street.

They stood looking for a way out but there wasn’t one.

They could split up and run in opposite directions, but there were two of us and they knew that.

“Dharma.” I said standing behind her.

She gaze never left that of her victims.

I didn’t even know if she was listening to me.

“They have learned their lesson; you don’t have to do this.” I told her.

Her jaw tightened.

“Don’t stupid Johnathon.” She hissed at me. “They chose it this way. It is the end for these stupid little vampires who thought they could hurt you and get away with it.” She smiled ferociously at the six young vampires that stood before her.

They looked like they were ready to flee at any moment but none made a move.

They were dead.

“Alex is dead remember? He’s the one who orchestrated this whole thing.” I reminded her.

Dharma’s glare made me snap my mouth shut.

“Don’t defend them Johnathon. They all deserve to die.”

That woke the others up and they scrambled to run.

But Dharma was fast and she must have known their intentions before any of them did anything.

She grabbed them all; sort of like in a group hug and one by one their lifeless bodies began to drop.

“Dharma.” I said trying to stop her as the vampires begged for their lives.

She shoved me away, hard.

I fell and I knew that if I had been mortal, most of my bones would have been broken.

I sat up as the last body dangled from her arms.

Part of me knew they deserved it, but I wasn’t like her. I wasn’t inhumane enough to kill someone as they begged for their life.

Marcus was there suddenly, helping me stand.

I removed my arm from his grip and walked away before any of them would see the tears in my eyes.

“Johnathon!” Dharma roared.

I continued walking.

I knew it wasn’t her, it was still that thing.

My arm was grabbed in a vice grip and I was spun around to face this creature with the dark stare.

“Let me go.” I said.

“Why do you cry for them?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“You understand. Did you think I was going to stand by and let them take you from me? You’re mine and no one else in this world can have you.”

“Is that a threat?”

She stepped closer.

“Do you want to die? Is that what this is all about?”

“No. I don’t want to die, but not all of them deserved to die either.”

“Don’t be ignorant Johnathon. If they could try once, they would try again. It’s better this way.”

“You’re insane.”

She quirked a smile and it frightened me. She looked completely insane.

She leaned in close for a moment and then backed away, letting me go.

“Marcus, take him home and make sure he’s completely healed.” She said before walking away.

I looked at Marcus.

He nodded and helped me home.

He took me to my room and gave me some of his blood.

I laid there after he had left me to my privacy.

A figure came out of the shadows.

I tried sitting up but a hand held me still.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” James said.

“Thank you.”

“You looked completely frightened. You wouldn’t have died Johnathon. Dharma made you; nothing can hurt you enough to kill you. Well, not them at least.”

A shiver began at my spine and moved up to my neck.

He studied me for a moment.

“You saw didn’t you? You have finally seen the creature that lies underneath.”

I turned my head away.

“Now you know I spoke the truth.”

“Yes.”  
“We all have that thing inside of us Johnathon.”

“Why?” I asked looking at him.

“It’s the vampire. It hides well in some, in others it completely takes over.”

“I was afraid James. I have never feared for my life with her as I did tonight.”

“Dharma wouldn’t hurt you Johnathon.”

“That wasn’t Dharma.”

“Yes, it was. It was the Dharma you never wanted to believe existed. It’s the one that killed your girlfriend. It’s the one that killed you. And the one capable of killing all those  
that would try to hurt you, those who would try to take you from her. The one willing to kill you, forever this time.”

“James, I never imagine it would go to that extent.”

“Dharma can’t see any other but you. You’re everything as I am sure she has told you. They were lucky you didn’t have any serious damage.”

“She killed them all.”

“We killed them all. Marcus enjoys a good killing spree once in a while. It’s the hunter in him.” James smiled. “Dharma did it out of anger, anger for you and anger because of  
you.”

“And you?”

“It’s better this way. They’ll know better next time they try to do something stupid.”

“Could you have killed them all even as they begged you not to?”

“If they had hurt the one I love above anything else? Yes, I would have. Love for us is not the same as it is for the mortals Johnathon.”

“I understand.”

“I’m glad you’re okay. I like you.”

“Thank you.”

“She’ll be here soon. Don’t be afraid.”

“I’ll try.”

He nodded, then stood and opened the window.

“Why not use the door?”

“What’s the fun in that?” He smiled before jumping out. 

I stood to close the window.

I locked the window and laid my forehead against it.

The tears were stupid.

“I love you.” She whispered reclining her head on my back. Her arms wound around my waist. “I was afraid I would get there too late. When I saw you lying there…” She sucked  
in a breath.

I covered her hands with mine.

“I know.” I said.

“I hope one day you can understand why.”

I nodded.

“You need to rest.” She said moving away.

I turned and grabbed her hand.

“Stay.” I said.


	14. Chapter 14

For the next couple of days, I needed to drink more blood than I was used to. My bones still ached. Dharma gave me more of her blood as well. That helped me more than the blood of my victims.

Dharma was there sometimes, other times she went away for a couple of days and then came back.

I wasn’t sure of how I felt about that.

I felt exhausted, sometimes. Like tonight.

~“Who is she?”~

~“No one. Please.”~

~“You lie. Do you know what you have done?”~

~“I’m sorry.”~

~Dharma, please!~

I opened my eyes and turned my head.

She was standing in the doorway to my room.

She was dressed in jeans and a black hoodie. Her hair pulled back enough for me to see her face.

“Why do you keep remembering? It wasn’t you.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“If it wasn’t me then why do I remember?”

“You’re the one with all the answers Johnathon.”

“Dharma.”

“Why don’t you go to her?” She asked.

“To who?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t hear her calling for you.”

“I do. I just don’t think she really needs me.”

She came closer until she stood in front of the bed.

“You need to feed more. That’s why you feel weak.”

“I know.”

“Don’t be stupid Johnathon. Go and feed.”

She turned.

“Where are you going?”

“You don’t need me Johnathon.”

“Stay, a little longer at least.”

“You are well enough now.”

She left.

I lay back with a sigh.

I could see the fire behind my eyelids, waiting for me.

I turned on my side and stared out the window.

I went looking for blood the next night and then after a moment of consideration, I changed my rout and headed for Christina. She wasn’t in her house. She was in the hospital. 

As I neared, her emotions grew stronger. The fear was suffocating.

I took a breath and separated myself from her.

I entered and went up to the second floor. I found her by herself in room 240.

I walked in and looked around. The other two beds were empty.

I headed for the one at the side farthest from the door.

I pulled back the curtain and entered.

Christina’s head lay against the arm of the patient.

“Christina?”

She looked up at me, her face drawn and her eyes swollen from crying.

“Johnathon.” She stood and came to me.

I hugged her carefully.

Her tears soaked through my shirt.

I looked at the bed.

Phil.

“There’s nothing they can do for him anymore.”

“What’s wrong?”

“He started feeling sick. We went to the doctors but they didn’t know what it was. After so many tests, no one had answers. Then he just couldn’t move, he was too weak. The bleeding started and now he just lies there. They have him on morphine so he won’t feel much. I hope he doesn’t.” She said looking at her husband.

Cancer.

I closed my eyes.

“Johnathon.”

I looked at her.

“What am I going to do?”

I put an arm around her.

“Don’t worry about anything.” I said kissing her hair.

I stayed with her until an hour past visiting hours, and then I went home.

Phil lasted three more weeks before his body gave up. I couldn’t make his suffering end because he was on hard drugs, so we had to wait. It was hard.

Christina’s parents were going to take her kids in for a while.

They understood how hard this would be for her.

I went to see her after the funeral.

She was just sitting there on the couch, staring off into space.

I didn’t know how to help her.

“I wish the pain would stop.” She said looking at me.

“I know.”

“Could you make it stop?”

“Christina.”

“Johnathon. I can’t be strong. I don’t know how, Phil made me have courage. Without him, everything is pointless. This house is empty, dark.”

“Give it time.”

“How much time before the pain fades?”

“I don’t know.”

“Johnathon.”

“Yes?”

“What happened to you?”

“What?”

“Look at me. Time hasn’t exactly been forgiving. You look exactly the same way you did when I first met you.”

“Nothing has happened. I’m old just like you.”

“I’m not stupid. You just disappeared for a while and then you come back and you looked like this.”

“How?”

“Like a new person. Still the same but completely different.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Come on, I’ll help you lie down.”

“Can’t you trust me, even now?”

“Christina.”

“You can help me; you can make the pain go away.”

“No.”

“Yes. I know you can.”

“You just need to rest.”

“I’m not crazy and you’re not the one I knew.”

I stayed away for the next couple of days, but then I couldn’t anymore.

“Do you still love me?” She asked suddenly.

“I don’t think this is exactly the right time to be talking about this.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“I guess I never stopped loving you either.”

I was silent.

“Have you thought about what I said? About helping me?”

“Christina.”

“Hear me out. I can’t continue to feel pain this way.”

“And what? You want to die? What about your children?”

“I’m not exactly talking about dying in the traditional sense.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve been thinking and trying to figure it out, figure you out.”

“There is nothing to figure out.”

“And since you’re not exactly forthcoming with information.”

“Stop.”

She looked at me.

“I’m only going to say this for your benefit. It’s best that you not know.” I said.

“Know what?”

“You need to forget about this, all of it. I am Johnathon, your friend.”

“But-”

“Look at me.”

Her eyes looked into mine.

“I am your friend and I’m here to help you. That is all you need to know.”

“Yes.”

“You feel ill and tired. I am here to help. Soon you will be alright and your children will come home to be with you. And this house will no longer be dark or empty. You are happy.”

*********************

~“You are here by sentenced to death. Start the fire. Let his soul be saved oh Lord for he has served his punishment on this earth.”~

The priest turned and walked away while the others began the fire.

I fought against my restraints all the while screaming for them to stop, to listen, to have mercy. But it was as if they couldn’t hear me, more like they chose to ignore my cries while they did the job they were supposed to.

~“Please.”~ I screamed, begging for my life.

The other priest began praying while two others brought me closer to the fire.

~“NO!”~

~“Forgive his sins oh Lord-”~

~“You don’t understand.”~

The heat of the fire was unbearable.

I felt myself lifted off my feet.

~“DHARMA!” ~ The scream ripped from my soul while the flames reached up and took me in.

I sat up in bed, shivering.

Something dripped down my chin and reached up to touch my face. 

Tears.

I got up and looked out the window.

For a moment I thought I had seen something behind the tree, a person. But in the blink of an eye, it was gone.

I shivered again and went to take a shower.

The sun would rise in twenty minutes.

And I would keep acting and pretending I was living a mortal life with my mortal friends and all those trivial things a person needs to live and be happy.

I opened my shop like I had done countless times before.

I stared at the people coming in.

I could feel myself becoming detached. Something inside of me was trying to get out and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to deny it any longer. 

For a moment I thought I heard Dharma’s voice and I looked up only to find a young girl talking to me.

“I’m sorry. What?”

“I asked if you were okay. You look pale, are you sick?”

“No I’m okay. I’m just a little tired but thank you for caring.”

She shrugged.

“It’s no biggie.”

She turned and walked over to a book shelf.

I looked down at the counter.

_“You aren’t like them. How long are you going to pretend?”_

_“I can try.”_

_“There is nothing out there for you Johnathon. Soon you will learn that.”_

_“There’s more than you offer.”_

_For a moment I thought she would hit me, but the moment passed and we stared at each other._

_“You will regret this moment.”_

_“No, I won’t.”_

_“Go then. Play your games and see what the world has to offer.”_

_“I will.”_

_“Just remember that they aren’t forever Johnathon.”_

_“Dharma.”_

_You aren’t forever. ___

__“Johnathon?”_ _

__I looked up._ _

__“Huh?”_ _

__“Hi.” Christina smiled at me._ _

__“Oh, hi.”_ _

__“You seemed far away. Are you okay?”_ _

__“Yeah, I’m okay. How are you?”_ _

__“As well as can be expected. My kids are coming home next week.”_ _

__“That’s good.”_ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__“What brings you by?”_ _

__“Nothing really. I was at the grocery store and I just wanted to see how you were doing.”_ _

__“I’m fine, thank you.”_ _

__She nodded._ _

__“Well, I guess I’ll see you later.”_ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__“Bye.”_ _

__“Bye.”_ _

__I watched her walk out._ _

__It wasn’t the same. Dharma had been right. I still loved Christina but it wasn’t the same. Those feelings had become repressed more and more and in its place, there was nothing. Something you would feel for a stranger you passed on the streets._ _

__~I made a mistake coming back. But you always knew that didn’t you?~_ _

__She didn’t answer and I really didn’t expect her to._ _


	15. Chapter 15

_Her eyes sent shivers down my spine._

_“What?” I asked again._

_“Did you even think before you made the stupid decision of bringing her here?”_

_“I understand you’re upset.”_

_“All this time you’ve been so hell bent of protecting them and you go and do this.”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“She can’t leave. Surely you know that.”_

_“She won’t tell anyone.”_

_Her glare cut through me._

_I averted my eyes._

_“She can’t leave.” She said with finality._

_“Dharma.”_

_She walked past me._

_I grabbed her arm._

_She looked at me._

_“Don’t do this.” I said._

_“You did it Johnathon, I’m just finishing it.”_

_She broke my hold and walked towards the house._

_I walked quickly after her._

_“You can’t Dharma. I love her!”_

_She turned on me and I felt her ice cold hand wrap around my throat._

_I swallowed convulsively, afraid to move._

_“Listen to me and listen closely. You will never bring another mortal into this house. If you do, they will all suffer the same fate as that little whore in the dining room.”_

_Her hand released me._

_“What does that mean?”_

_I hated that my voice trembled._

_“It means they will all die.”_

_“Why? Because you’re jealous?”_

_“Don’t test my patience Johnathon. I won’t warn you again. It’s what you’ve been asking for, bringing her here. You say she won’t tell anyone, but can you really trust her?”_

_I looked away._

_She walked into the dining room, I scurried after her._

_Isabella stood and smiled nervously._

_Dharma walked up to her and without warning, she pulled Isabella close to her and I knew the moment she bent her head what she was going to do._

_“Dharma, no!”_

_A moment later, Isabella fell from her grasp._

_I ran and crouched next to the lifeless body, tears streaming down my face._

_Dharma grabbed me roughly, her fingers digging into my flesh._

_“Do you understand?”_

_“Why are you doing this?”_

_I felt sick._

_“This is what I do.”_

_“No.”_

_She released me and walked away._

_“NO!” ___

__I bolted upright and came face to face with James._ _

__“It’s okay. It’s alright, no one will hurt you.”_ _

__I let myself drop back onto the bed._ _

__“I don’t understand.” I said._ _

__“I know.”_ _

__“Why are these dreams still with me? I thought I was over this.”_ _

__“Maybe now that you’re a vampire, you recall them more clearly.”_ _

__“But why? I’m not him.”_ _

__“It doesn’t matter what you want to make yourself believe Johnathon. You are him.”_ _

__I covered my face with my hands._ _

__I felt the bed dip as James sat down next to me._ _

__“Did she really kill that girl?”_ _

__“You know she did.”_ _

__I forced myself to breath normally._ _

__“I can’t believe I stayed after that.”_ _

__“You didn’t stay long.”_ _

__“It doesn’t matter how far I run does it? She’s always there.”_ _

__“You belong to her. She made you what you are; it only makes you want her near even more.”_ _

__“Why are you here?” I asked after a moment._ _

__“You’re my friend. I wanted to see how you were.”_ _

__“So, she didn’t send you?”_ _

__Something flashed in his eyes, but it was gone before I could even try to analyze it._ _

__“No. I haven’t seen her in a while.”_ _

__“Do you think she’s sending me these dreams? Like, a punishment maybe?”_ _

__“Do you think you have something to be punished for?”_ _

__“I don’t know. I can’t seem to think straight anymore. Nothing makes sense, I don’t even know if I like Christina the way I used to. She seems so boring and useless to me and I hate that I feel that way.”_ _

__“I know. You’re becoming detached from humans. It happens once you’ve been immortal for a while. They aren’t like you and you have no need to live like they do.”_ _

__“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”_ _

__James stayed with me for a couple of weeks._ _

__I showed him around and he hanged out at my shop sometimes._ _

__He was there one day while Christina came to visit me._ _

__I don’t know what he thought about her, he never said anything._ _

__But I couldn’t help but feeling like I had let him down, like I was letting myself down by even being here._ _

__********************_ _

__Christina wanted to go to Europe._ _

__I didn’t think that was a good idea, since that would only bring her closer to Dharma and Marcus if he was with her._ _

__Which he probably was._ _

__If she wanted to go, she could go but I wasn’t to go with her._ _

__She wasn’t my girlfriend and I didn’t owe her anything._ _

__In some part of me, I recognized that she was my friend and that it was normal for friends to go on trips with friends._ _

__But I didn’t think I could continue to be her friend anymore._ _

__Not if she started asking me to take the pain away and make it all better again._ _

__Sometimes I was afraid to be alone with her for too long._ _

__That night I dreamt with Dharma._ _

__Not old scary Dharma, but the Dharma I had met not so long ago._ _

__~Christina and I were walking down the streets of London, looking at the shops when I ran into someone.~_ _

__~At first I thought it was some kid until he turned around.~_ _

__~“Dharma.” I said, my heart beating faster.~_ _

__~Something swelled in my chest and I thought I would fall to my knees and cry.~_ _

__~“Hello Johnathon.”~_ _

__~“Hi.” Christina said.~_ _

__~Dharma gazed at her for all three seconds before dismissing her.~_ _

__~Her hair was covered by a hoodie, her body covered in a dark clothing.~_ _

__~“I’m going to go look at this shop okay?” Christina said walking into the store unaffected.~_ _

__~Dharma’s gaze had me captured.~_ _

__~“What are you doing here?” I asked.~_ _

__~“Oh, this and that.”~_ _

__~“Where have you been?’”~_ _

__~“I’ve always been here Johnathon.”~_ _

__~I placed my hand on her shoulder.~_ _

__~“Dharma.” I started.~_ _

__~“How long are you going to keep playing this game?”~_ _

__~“What?”~_ _

__~She turned and looked at Christian through the shop window.~_ _

__~“I don’t understand.”~_ _

__~She smiled at me for a moment.~_ _

__~“I’m sure you do.”~_ _

__~“No, I don’t.”~_ _

__~“Look what I got.” Christina said standing beside me and holding something in her hands.~_ _

__~I didn’t even look at her.~_ _

__~“Do you think she’ll stay with you always? It’s so easy to look into her mind and bend her to my will.” Dharma said.~_ _

__~“What are you saying?”~_ _

__~Dharma walked up to Christina and stared directly into her eyes, her gaze never wavering.~_ _

__~I knew the moment Christina was caught.~_ _

__~Then Dharma turned and walked away, Christina began to follow.~_ _

__~“Christina.” I said grabbing her arm.`_ _

__~Dharma looked back at me.~_ _

__~“It’s too easy Johnathon. I can take her from you at any moment and there is nothing you can do about it.”~_ _

__~“Why are you doing this?”~_ _

__~“Because no one else can have you.”~_ _

__~She continued to walk away until she was lost in the crowd.~_ _

__~“They aren’t forever Johnathon.”~_ _

__~You aren’t forever.~_ _

__I fell hard onto the floor yelling for Dharma._ _

__“Fucking shit!” I yelled trying to untangle myself from the sheets._ _

__I stood and went to take a shower._ _

__Her face kept flashing through my mind all day, sometimes as Dharma and sometimes as Damon._ _

__I avoided Christina all week._ _

__Then in a fit of guilt, I went to her house to see her._ _

__Her son opened the door._ _

__Her parents and cousins were there._ _

__I almost turned around and left but I had to apologize to her for my attitude._ _

__“Johnathon, I’m so glad you came.” Christina said hugging me._ _

__“Yeah, I just wanted to apologize. I know you have company, so I’ll talk to you later.”_ _

__I turned and walked out._ _

__“Wait.” She said coming after me._ _

__“What?”_ _

__She closed the door behind her and directed me closer to my car._ _

__“My parents are here to take the kids on vacation.”_ _

__“Oh.”_ _

__“Yeah. I need some time alone. I love them, I really do. But things aren’t the same without Phil. They know that.”_ _

__“So what are you going to do?”_ _

__“Well, we could still go to England and then maybe we can go over to France.”_ _

__“Christina.”_ _

__“I thought about you all day today.”_ _

__I sighed._ _

__“About what you said the other day. I know you’re scared but I promise not to tell anyone. I love you.” She said earnestly._ _

__“What are you talking about?”_ _

__“I finally get it now.”_ _

__“Get what?”_ _

__“What you are.”_ _

__I stared at her for a moment._ _

__“Well, I hope for your sake that you really don’t.”_ _

__Her lips curved slightly._ _

__“Don’t be afraid Johnathon.”_ _

__“Look, you’re being weird so I’m just going to go. Get some rest huh?”_ _

__I opened the driver’s side door._ _

__“Good night.” I said._ _

__“You’re a vampire.”_ _

__I froze half way in._ _

__“I know you are and you can’t say I’m crazy. That’s not going to work this time John.”_ _

__I stood and turned to face her._ _

__Her heart beat was a little fast._ _

__“You got proof of this?” I asked casually._ _

__“How long would it take you to heal me if I hurt myself really badly?”_ _

__For a moment, I remembered the same question I had made to Dharma when she wouldn’t admit to me that there was more than just an innocent face._ _

__“Are you?”_ _

__“I want to be like you.” She said._ _

__“No.”_ _

__“Then take me to the one who made you if you’re not willing.”_ _

__A small sarcastic laugh escaped before I could stop it._ _

__“Go inside the house and live your life Christina.”_ _

__“I don’t want this life anymore. It’s nothing.”_ _

__“Don’t say that.”_ _

__“Please.”_ _

__I looked into her eyes and smelled her fear._ _

__“No.”_ _

__“Dharma.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“She made you. It’s why you loved her wasn’t it? She could give you more than I could ever even come close to. Is she with you? Dharma!”_ _

__“Shut up!” I said grabbing her._ _

__“You can’t keep me condemned to this life.” She said._ _

__Her eyes showed fear._ _

__“This life is all you have.” I said._ _

__“I don’t want it.”_ _

__“Too bad.”_ _

__“She will help me.”_ _

__“You sure of that?”_ _

__“She will.”_ _

__“Call for her then.” I released her and drove away._ _

__Once I arrived home, I knew I wasn’t alone._ _

__I opened the door and walked in cautiously._ _

__Marcus was sitting at my kitchen table._ _

__I stopped at the doorway._ _

__“Seems I missed some action.” He drawled._ _

__“Did she send you?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“Why are you here?”_ _

__“You love this woman?”_ _

__I was quiet._ _

__“Afraid to admit Dharma was right?”_ _

__“What do you want?”_ _

__He stood and came towards me._ _

__“A war has started.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“The others, the creatures who wanted to kill you; they’ve started hurting others like us.”_ _

__“Why?”_ _

__“Why do you think? To rule.”_ _

__“Rule what?”_ _

__“Everything.”_ _

__“That’s ridiculous.”_ _

__“Somehow they’ve managed to double in number. I don’t know how they did it. They’ve always been too weak.”_ _

__“What does Dharma say?”_ _

__“I don’t know.”_ _

__“What does that mean?”_ _

__“It means that I haven’t seen her.”_ _

__“Since when?”_ _

__“About two years ago.”_ _

__“Why didn’t you say anything?”_ _

__“For what? You’re the one who walked away.”_ _

__“Did she tell you anything?”_ _

__“No. One day she was there and the next she was gone. There was no note, nothing. I’ve tried calling her, I’ve looked for her but no one has seen her. I don’t know where she is.  
She’s hidden from everyone.”_ _

__“Why would she do that?”_ _

__His gaze was direct and very clear._ _

__I looked away._ _

__“James didn’t say anything when he was here.” I explained._ _

__“Maybe he thought it was best.”_ _

__“So what are we going to do?”_ _

__“Fight. What else?”_ _

__“It doesn’t have to be like this.”_ _

__“It is now.”_ _

__“But you said they’ve doubled in number. There are only six of us.”_ _

__“Five old ones. There are others like you. Still young but they can fight.”_ _

__“I’ll fight.”_ _

__“You can’t.”_ _

__“Why not?”_ _

__“You’re not strong enough. You’ve already been exposed to the poison they’ve created. Let’s not go for a second round.”_ _

__“I can fight.”_ _

__“There is no doubt about whether you can Johnathon. It’s that you won’t survive if you fail.”_ _

__“Everyone is willing to fight then?”_ _

__“We are willing to end this, no matter the cost.”_ _

__“So even if you die it will all have been for a good cause?”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__“That’s stupid. No one has to die.”_ _

__“It’s what they want. It’s what they’ll get.”_ _

__“Very justice like coming from a vampire.” I said sarcastically._ _

__He smiled and briefly touched my hand._ _

__I moved away._ _

__“How can we win if we don’t have all the old ones to help?”_ _

__“We’ll win.”_ _

__“We need Dharma.”_ _

__“She isn’t here.”_ _

__“And if I find her?”_ _

__“It’ll be because she wanted to be found.”_ _

__********************_ _

__~“Whose side are you on?”~_ _

__~“What?”~_ _

__~“Whose side are you on?”`_ _

__~“I don’t understand.”~_ _

__~“The question is very clear Johnathon.”~_ _

__~“I…”~_ _

__~“Are you willing?”~_ _

__~“Yes?”~_ _

__~She sighs and turns her back.~_ _

__~“What do you want from me?”~_ _

__~“Everything that you have to give.”~_ _

__~“I don’t understand.”~_ _

__~“You’re being incredibly dense today.”~_ _

__~“I don’t know what you want.”~_ _

__~“You.”~_ _

__~“You have me.”~_ _

__~“All of you.”~_ _

__~“You have me.” I said again.~_ _

__~“Whose side are you on?” She asked again looking at me.~_ _

__~“Yours.”~_ _

__~“Good.”~_ _

__~A man brought in a fighting woman and threw her before me.~_ _

__~I looked at Dharma.~_ _

__~Her gaze was direct.~_ _

__~“I don’t understand.”~_ _

__~Her gaze didn’t waver.~_ _

__~“I don’t understand!”~_ _

__~“Whose side are you on?”~_ _

__~“I can’t.”~_ _

__~“You have to.”~_ _

__~“No.”~_ _

__~“Now.”~_ _

__~“NO! What is the matter with you? I tell you I love you but it isn’t enough. I tell you I belong to you and it still isn’t enough. What more do you want from me?”~_ _

__~“Everything that you have to give.”~_ _

__~“I am not a killer.”~_ _

__~“Whose side are you on?”~_ _

__“What do you want from me?” I screamed sitting up._ _

__Marcus stared at me from the doorway._ _

__“You make her a monster.” He said._ _

__“Isn’t she?”_ _

__His face hardened._ _

__“Was it real?”_ _

__He was quiet._ _

__“Was it real!”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“I don’t understand why I keep having these dreams.”_ _

__“You have to stop.”_ _

__“I don’t know how.”_ _

__“Yes, you do.”_ _

__“Tell me.”_ _

__“You have to be with the one that you want. You’re afraid because you love her, so you walked away. But you can’t leave her behind can you? She’s all you have. She’s all you  
are.”_ _

__********************_ _

__The next day I went to see Christina._ _

__“John.” She smiled._ _

__“I can’t take you to England. I’m not willing to end your suffering; it’s something that you have to do by yourself. You’re not the only one with problems; you’re not the only one who’s lost all that you had. This is who I am because this is who I was supposed to be. But it’s not for you and you might think that it’s easy for me to say because I know immortality, but you don’t know Christina. It’s not for you, that’s all you have to know. Stop being so weak and face your life, at least for your children.” I turned and walked away._ _

__“John. Wait. Johnathon!”_ _

__I heard her footsteps behind me._ _

__“What do you want?” I asked._ _

__“Please, you have to hear me out.”_ _

__“My answer will always be no.”_ _

__“Why are you being this way?”_ _

__“I left it all behind because I thought that my life was supposed to be with you. But you’ve changed. And I can’t stand it.”_ _

__She walked around and stood in front of me._ _

__“You’re one to talk about change.”_ _

__“I can’t love you anymore and I can’t be here with you, if I stay I will hate you and I don’t want that. You’re not the same and you can’t ever be.”_ _

__“You were with her the whole time and you couldn’t even give me the truth back then. What was I supposed to do?”_ _

__“Nothing.”_ _

__“Nothing! How can you say that? I loved you, I gave you everything. You couldn’t even see that because you were so damn blind. The only thing you ever saw and wanted was  
her.”_ _

__“Why did you stay then?”_ _

__“Because I loved you!”_ _

__“I loved you too.”_ _

__“John please. I know it can’t be the same, but we can try can’t we? I still love you.”_ _

__She hugged me._ _

__I hugged her back for a moment._ _

__“I’m sorry.” I said._ _

__“All that matters is that you stay now.”_ _

__“I won’t.”_ _

__She looked at me._ _

__“I can’t stay. I thought it was you that I needed, but it’s not. I do love you Christina, but it will never be enough to keep me here with you. I hope you can find your way again.  
Good bye.”_ _

__I walked away again and this time, I ignored her cries._ _

__I arrived in London late that night._ _

__I rented a car and drove to Dharma’s house._ _

__Archie was still around and I was happy to see him and to see that he had been cared for._ _

__I went downstairs and sat there in the dark._ _

__“I’m here and I’m willing to wait until you decide I’ve been punished enough. I know you might not come for me, and I understand if you don’t.”_ _

__I sat there straining to hear something, but there was nothing._ _

__The next night, I sat there again and waited._ _

__Johnathon._ _

__I heard the front door open._ _

__I stood and with my heart beating wildly, I went to see._ _

__It was Hana the maid._ _

__“Mr. Manning, you startled me.”_ _

__“I’m sorry.” I said._ _

__“It’s all right sir. I forgot my bag.”_ _

__“Hana, when was the last time you saw Dharma?”_ _

__“About a month ago.”_ _

__“Really?”_ _

__“Yes. She came to my house and told me she was leaving for a while. Then she paid me for the rest of the year.”_ _

__“And she hasn’t been in touch since?”_ _

__“She calls sometimes.”_ _

__“Did she tell you where she was going?”_ _

__“No. Ms. Reynaud is a private person, you know that.”_ _

__“Yes. Well, thank you.”_ _

__“I’m sorry.”_ _

__“For what?”_ _

__“You love her so much, I could tell from the first time I saw you. It’s a shame things didn’t work out. Btu she loves you, I’m sure she’ll realize that soon enough.”_ _

__I smiled at her._ _

__She got her stuff from the sitting room and left._ _

__I went and lay down in Dharma’s room._ _

__In the morning when I woke up, I felt hopeless._ _

__I walked around her property, wandering from room to room. Searching for some place where I could still feel here near._ _

__That night I slept by Damon’s grave._ _

__As the days passed, something inside me began to tighten. It felt familiar to what I had felt before I met Dharma. The loneliness, the desperation. The emptiness._ _

__I felt like I was going insane, jumping at every little sound and wishing it was her._ _

__“I don’t know how much longer I can live like this.” I admitted out loud._ _

__On the fifth day I stayed out in the cemetery again._ _

__I tried to talk with Damon but I really didn’t have anything to say. How could he help me?_ _

__I was being stupid even being here._ _

__She wasn’t coming._ _

__It was my fault and now I had to live with the choice I made._ _

__I woke with a start._ _

__I sat up against the tree and wondered what had woken me up._ _

__“It’s only been a week but it feels like an eternity doesn’t it? The emptiness and the darkness surrounds you and nothing you do will help you get out of it. Not until you find what  
you’re looking for.”_ _

__I couldn’t recognize the voice._ _

__The dark figure bent over Damon’s grave then moved._ _

__I looked back at the grave. Flowers, fresh cut roses._ _

__I stood quickly, almost tripping over my own feet._ _

__“Dharma?”_ _

__“What are you looking for here Johnathon?”_ _

__The words stuck to my throat and my vision blurred._ _

__Her upper body was covered by a dark sweater, her head concealed by the hoodie._ _

__I walked cautiously over to her._ _

__I took her shoulders and turned her so that I could look into those eyes that I loved._ _

__I was startled when I saw her face._ _

__I backed away a few steps._ _

__The ghostly paleness of her face, her hands._ _

__“Dharma.”_ _

__“I know.”_ _

__“What happened to you?”_ _

__“I needed time.”_ _

__“But.”_ _

__“You don’t have to be afraid. I won’t hurt you.”_ _

__I reached for her again._ _

__I pushed back the hoodie._ _

__Her hair was shorter, barely touching her shoulders._ _

__“Why did you do this to yourself?”_ _

__“I thought my time had come.”_ _

__“I love you.”_ _

__“I don’t know if that will be enough this time.”_ _

__“I won’t leave you again.”_ _

__She didn’t say anything._ _

__“Dharma.”_ _

__I touched her face._ _

__It was so cold and hard, so unreal._ _

__“What do you want Johnathon?”_ _

__“You.”_ _

__“You always had me.”_ _

__“I need you with me. Always.”_ _

__“You say that now.”_ _

__The tears stung my eyes._ _

__“Johnathon.”_ _

__Her cold hands caressed my face._ _

__“I love you.”_ _

__“I know.” She smiled._ _

__I offered her my wrist._ _

__Her dark eyes stared into me for a moment making something inside of me fear._ _

__But then she touched me and it disappeared._ _

__She cradled my forearm in her hands and bent her head._ _

__I felt her lips caress my skin before her teeth cut into me._ _

__I took a sharp breath and then felt pleasure flow through me._ _

__She released me._ _

__I looked at her._ _

__Her hair grew out before my eyes and the whiteness began to fade._ _

__She was still cold and not quite at her normal color but she looked more like the person I loved._ _

__I kissed her, hard._ _

__“I love you, I’m sorry. I love you.”_ _

__I fell to my knees, my head resting against her abdomen and my hands in hers._ _

__“Johnathon.” She said._ _

__The tears kept coming and I couldn’t stop._ _

__“Johnathon.”_ _

__“I love you.”_ _

__“Stand up.”_ _

__“Please forgive me.”_ _

__Her hands pulled me up._ _

__It was frightening and exhilarating that she could lift me to my feet without my cooperation._ _

__“Please. I promise I won’t ever leave again. I promise I’ll only love you and I will dedicate my life to you.”_ _

__“I don’t need you to promise me anything Johnathon. All I need is that you understand and that you see that you’re everything to me. I love you. Can you understand that?”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__“Good.”_ _

__“So, do you forgive me?”_ _

__“Do you love me?”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__“Then yes.”_ _

__I hugged her._ _

__“Thank you.”_ _

__I caressed her back._ _

__“What are you doing here?” She asked again._ _

__“I came to look for you.”_ _

__“Why?”_ _

__“I need you.”_ _

__“And Christina?”_ _

__I didn’t say anything._ _

__“I see.”_ _

__“You were right about her.”_ _

__“Any reason why you’re sleeping out here?”_ _

__I released her and looked around._ _

__“It makes sense doesn’t it?”_ _

__She smiled a little._ _

__We walked to the house and talked._ _

__I told her everything, about the dreams and Christina. About the war the others had started against us._ _

__“And so you’re just willing to kill them?” She asked staring at me._ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__“Really?”_ _

__“I know what I did last time but this is different. They’re trying to kill us without provocation.”_ _

__“As I recall, it was the exact same thing last time. They were trying to kill you for no reason.”_ _

__“Obviously they didn’t learn their lesson then. We have no choice right?”_ _

__“Right. So you’ll kill no matter how much they beg or what they might mean to you?”_ _

__“Why would they mean anything to me?”_ _

__She shrugged and looked away._ _

__“So does this mean that I can fight?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“I can fight.”_ _

__“You’ve already had this conversation.”_ _

__“I can and I want to. Dharma.”_ _

__“You wouldn’t be asking my permission if you didn’t think there was a reason for it.”_ _

__I looked away._ _

__“It’s not your time.”_ _

__“When will it be?”_ _

__“Give it another couple hundred years.”_ _

__“Hundred huh?”_ _

__“I don’t know why Marcus hasn’t killed them all. It won’t be much of a fight.”_ _

__“What do you mean?”_ _

__“Well, those stupid ‘good’ doers are weak. They can’t stand the harshness of the sun or its heat. They might have some guards but they won’t be any match. We can go in during the day and pull them out into the sun. A good old fashion vampire hunt.”_ _

__“So you’ll just kill them?” I asked._ _

__Her dark stare changed._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“We kill to survive. Recite that and you’ll be fine. I need more blood.” She said standing._ _

__“I’ll come with you.”_ _

__“You need to sleep. I’ll be back in an hour and tomorrow we will meet with the others.”_ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__She caressed my face and kissed me, and then she was gone._ _

__“We kill to survive.” I whispered to myself._ _


	16. Chapter 16

When Dharma returned that night, she wasn’t alone.

There was a young woman with her.

They seemed lively enough.

I stood in the hallway.

They looked at me.

Dharma looked more normal.

The woman had golden colored eyes, almost glowing yellow in the darkness. Her face was open and friendly, so full of life and joy. She was shorter than Dharma by an inch and a   
half; she was thin but with a voluptuous form. 

Something about her made me cautious. I don’t know what it was. I mean, physically she looked young and nice and inviting, she wasn’t strong looking. She looked kind of weak   
and defenseless. But that was the same thing that made me be aware of my exits.

“Johnathon.” Dharma said.

The woman smiled and stepped forward by Dharma’s side. Her light brown hair was caught in a ponytail, the curls cascading down her left shoulder.

Her mind was blocked and I knew that she knew about me and that made me uneasy.

“This is Thera.” Dharma said.

“Hi Johnathon. It’s nice to meet you.” Thera said sticking out a hand.

I took it cautiously.

“Uh, nice to meet you too. I’m guessing that Dharma didn’t bring you here for me.” I said.

Thera stepped back in place beside Dharma and laughed a high and pleasant laugh. It almost made me smile.

“She is my friend and she can help us against the others.”

I frowned at Dharma.

“But she’s human.” I explained.

“Yes, she is mortal.”

“Then how is she going to help?”

“She’s also a wolf.”

“What?”

“I turn into a wolf.” Thera explained. 

I had the urge to shiver every time I heard the word ‘wolf’.

“Basically, I am human and normal looking but I can alter myself physically and mentally to resemble that of a wolves. Part of me is still aware of whom I am and everything I know but the animal has main charge of where I go and what I do. Like you, I know everything I do and those I hurt to satisfy my hunger.”

“So you change on a full moon or how does it work?”

“Actually, I will myself to change. I don’t need a full moon; it doesn’t even have to be at night.”

“So you basically have perfect control over yourself?”

“Not perfect control. I mean, sometimes I change even if I don’t want to and I can’t control who I kill, not like you can.”  
“And how do you know that the poison won’t hurt her?”

“It’s designed for vampires. It’s very simple actually. They’ve mixed some pretty powerful drugs like morphine, sleeping pills, cocaine, ecstasy, and a whole lot of muscle   
relaxants. Your blood needs to be pure as does that of your victims, now what these injections do is that they begin to poison your blood. Controlled dosages won’t hurt you;   
they will eventually leave your system. That’s why they were able to help you. But larger dosage can be lethal and since your whole system will be poisoned, the other won’t be   
able to help you, unless they take a great risk.”

“How do you know so much about this?” I asked curiously.

“Dharma is my friend and I studied a vampire that was killed with this method.”

“So, you’re a biologist?”

“Doctor.”

“Ah.”  
“I think this all the introductions for tonight. I’m tired, you need to rest too.” Dharma told me.

“Good-night.” Thera told us.

“Good-night.”

I closed the door behind me.

I looked at Dharma.

“I thought you said it wasn’t going to be much of a fight.”

“It won’t.”

“Then why is she here?”

“There might still be a chance that someone might get hurt. I don’t expect them to die without a fight.”

“Do you think one of you might die?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“So you’re just going into it blindly?”

Her temper flared.

“What do you want me to do? Sit down with them and go over the rules?”

“I just don’t want you to die!”

“I won’t die.”

“How do you know?”

“I’ve lived this long and now that I finally have you, I’m not willing to leave you just yet.”

I hugged her.

“I’m scared.”

“I know.”

“Are you?”

“I’m scared you might do something stupid.”

I smiled.

“If you won’t die then I won’t either.”

Later that night as I lay next to Dharma, I couldn’t sleep.

I got up and went downstairs.

Thera was standing just outside the door leading to the garden.

She turned to look at me as I walked towards her.

“The cat freaked out when I came down. I tried to catch it but it just ran faster. I think it went out into the garden.”

“Yeah, that’s Archie. He doesn’t like strangers or…” I was going to say ‘dogs’, but I stopped myself. The last thing I wanted to do was insult her.

“Yeah.” She said smiling understandingly at me.

I stood next to her, the both of us looking out towards the garden.

“So, how long have you been this way?” I asked.

“About eighty years now.”

“Eighty? But you look twenty-three. Dharma said you were mortal.”

“I am, in a way. The longer we spent as wolves, the more we expand our mortal lives. It’s like hibernation. I spent the ages of ten to twenty-one as a wolf.”

“So you can make yourself be that way for long periods of time then?”

“Yeah. Sometimes it was hard because I wanted to be like the others but I knew that until I learned how to be the animal and control it better, I would never be normal for long.   
Suppressing the wolf only makes it worse.”

“So how do you get to live so long, specifically?”

“When we are changed for a long time, your human years stop and you start using your wolf years. That’s why I call it hibernation. It’s like during all that time, your human side   
sleeps and rest, although still semi-aware.”

“How do you know Dharma?”

“I met her a year after I began living like a human again. I live in California and I saw her at the store one night. When I saw her I knew she wasn’t human. At first I thought that   
she was like me, another predator. I followed her for three days before she spoke to me. It was hard to believe that she was a vampire, that they actually existed. But, I mean,   
who was I judge right? We got talking and I guess, form one beast to another, we understood each other.”

“Were you born this way?”

“Yes. My father and my mother were wolves, shape shifters if you will.”

“Do you have children?”

“No. It’s hard to find a mate who is willing. Some want to live a normal life and forget that inside they are beasts. They don’t want to pass that on to their children. Some are too   
far gone in their wolf state to be even considered. And I haven’t actually really thought about having children.”

“Do you have family?”

“My parents are still around but my brother passed away recently.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“He was a nice guy, he has a son. He’s still young but I’ll have to teach him how to deal with this.”

“His mother?” 

“My brother never told her what he was.”

“And his wife never suspected?”

“No. I don’t know how he kept it a secret for so long to tell you the truth.”

“Do you think Dharma will be okay?”

“Yes.”

“And the others? James and all of them?”

“I’m not psychic but I know they’ll try to stay alive but just in case, I’m here to help.”

“Do you think you can?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“What I have to do is a form of dialysis. I already told you that your blood becomes poisoned, so what I have to do is remove that poisoned blood from your system.”

“But that will kill them.”

“That’s why I’m going to perform a blood transfusion.”

“At the same time?”

“No. I have to wait until the tainted blood is completely removed, then I have a span of about 15 seconds to start the blood transfusion before the patient dies.”

“But that’s not enough time.”

“Lucky me, I have a very fast assistant.”

“Who?”

She looked at me and smiled.

“No way.”

“I don’t understand why you haven’t taken care of this.” Dharma told Marcus.

“At first, I thought the young ones could do it. You know how they love to fight.” He said smiling at me.

“That’s not an excuse. That just gave them time to perfect their poison.”

“She’s right. We should have done something form the beginning like with the others. We should have killed them all.” James said turning from the window to look at us.

“So do you have a plan or just more accusations?” Marcus said looking at Dharma. “You were the one who went into hiding like a frightened little child.”

The others looked away.

“Your hurt pride aside Marcus, I do have a plan. They are weak, I say let’s drag them into the sun and see what they do then.”

“Do you know where they hide?” Kristin asked.

“I asked one of the young one’s if they knew, he said they live down by the river. There’s an abandoned farm down there, they’ve made it their little hide away.” Catherin said. 

She smiled but there was harshness in her voice.

“We have to find out if it’s true. James, you and Catherin go down there and see if they really live there. Marcus and I will round up a few young ones and ask more questions.   
Kristin, go out and get some ropes and anything we might need to keep them from fleeing.”

They all went and left me there with Thera.

She patted my leg.

I looked at her.

“I haven’t felt this left out as when I was still mortal.”

“This isn’t your time to fight. I’m sure that renegade vampires will always exist. Watch and learn so you know how to fight later.”

“Why are you so damn calm? It just makes me more anxious.”

“Sorry. I’m a wolf; we think things over a hundred times until it becomes something well planned.”

“So you think they can pull this off without consequence.”

“Hopefully.”

I sighed exasperated.

They all came back in a matter of minutes and now all we had to do was wait for the sun to rise.

I managed to talk my way into going. I was supposed to stay with Thera in the car we brought in case someone got hurt.

My hands were cold and I felt queasy.

I really wasn’t good at this.

When the time came, they all piled out of the car in unison.

Marcus’s hand pushed me back into the car beside Thera.

Dharma looked at me for a moment before they walked away.

They stood around; dark shapes like lurking beasts until the rising sun illuminated them.

They disappeared from sight as they went into the building.

Soon there was screaming and then three burst out into the sun.

They started smoking until they were engulfed in flames.

Their screams were horrible.

I covered my ears but I could still hear their painful screams.

Tears blinded me.

Thera put her hand on my thigh.

I looked at her and I knew she wanted to be out there doing some killing herself.

“I’m sorry.” She said. “It’s a hunting instinct.”

I nodded.

A group bust out, some being dragged by Marcus and Catherin.

I wanted it to be over so that we could go home.

Other vampires started arriving out of nowhere.

They just appeared there.

I was frightened at first until I saw them helping with the killing.

I opened the car door.

Thera put her hand on my arm.

“I have to do this.”

She let go and stepped out of the car with me.

Some of the vampires backed away from her, others were angry with her presence and others ignored her completely.

We walked closer to the building.

Marcus saw me first.

He marched over to me.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?”

He grabbed my arm intent on marching me back to the car but I held my ground.

“If they can help why can’t I?”

“Damn it Johnathon.”

“I am a part of this. I can protect myself.”

Kristin yelled for Marcus.

“Dharma, no!” James screamed loudly.

My heart beat wildly.

“Dharma!” I yelled.

I couldn’t see her.

Thera grabbed me and dragged me back from the entrance.

Damn but she was strong.

Catherin came out with a renegade vampire and threw him on the ground and watched him burn with an odd satisfaction on her face.

“Catherin.”

She looked at me.

“Dharma.”

“She’s fine.”

“What’s going on?”

Kristin came out with a renegade vampire who they had covered.

I frowned.

“What-” I started.

James and Marcus came out with a struggling and cursing Dharma.

Kristin stood under the shade and wiped off the cover.

“Oh my god.”

I fell to my knees.

Christina stared at me.

Dharma yelled louder.

“Why?” I asked.

“You wouldn’t help me.” She said.

Dharma got free and lunged at Christina.

Kristin was thrown aside and probably would have lost an arm if she had tried to do something.

“Dharma, no!” I said grabbing her from behind.

Christina’s face loomed below me as Dharma lunged for her neck.

Something pierced my arm.

It burned and it felt familiar.

I backed away and fell to the floor.

I heard screaming and felt arms grab at me.

And then, nothing.


	17. Chapter 17

“I thought you said this would work!”

Marcus and I glanced at each other.

“Well, it’s not!”

“You have to do something!”

“What do you want me to do? WHAT!” Thera screamed.

“ANYTHING! He’s dying Thera! Damn you Johnathon. Why do you have to be so damn impulsive and stupid?”

She started crying.

Catherin helped Dharma out of the room.

I looked away as my eyes started filling.

I walked into the room where Johnathon was.

“How is he?”

Thera’s exhausted eyes looked up at me.

“Not good. I’ve done everything I can, he’s not responding to anything. I don’t even think he’s alive anymore.”

My heart contracted.

“His heart is barely beating. I think it may be a few minutes.”

Marcus barged in.

At first I thought he would yell and make demands, but he just looked down at our pale friend.

Then he did something I had never seen him do.

He bent and kissed Johnathon on the forehead and cried.

They all came in, one by one to see him one more time.

“Dharma.” Thera began.

Dharma held up her hand and walked over and hugged her.

Then she kissed Johnathon and we stood there, waiting for the end.

“What do you think happens now?” I asked.

Marcus looked at me.

“I don’t know.”

We were all pretty subdued.

We had buried Johnathon that morning.

He lay next to his old grave.

“I think this is the end.” I said staring at the freshly dug earth and the new headstone.

“No.”

I looked at him disbelievingly.

“Twice she’s lost him now. What more is there?”

“The third, the fourth.”

“Maybe.”

“She’s too stubborn to end it. You know she is.” He looked at me, hope and fear in his eyes.

I think that it was the way he wanted it to be, but there was doubt in him.

“I think I would have kept Christina alive to kill her slowly, day by day.” I said feeling my blood boil.

His body stiffened at the mention of her name.

“I’m glad that bitch is dead. I would have ripped her limbs but I guess knowing that you killed the man you loved is enough.”

“It’ll have to be.” Catherin said joining us.

She placed fresh flowers over his grave then grabbed Archie in her arms, hugging him to her as if that would make her feel better.

“I’m scared.” I blurted out.

Marcus didn’t say anything.

I felt Catherin’s hand on my arm.

I looked at her.

“I know. I am too.” She said quietly.

Kristin came and stood beside Marcus.

“How is she?” I asked.

“Thera is with her now. But I don’t think-”

“She’ll be fine.” Marcus said with more determination.

“Marcus, you know what the first time did for her. Back then she barely knew him. Now it’s different. She changed him so that he would be protected.” Kristin said shaking her head.

“For whatever good it did.” Marcus spat walking away.

“I guess we’re all on edge.” I said.

“James, honestly. Do you think she will be alright?” Kristin asked me.

“No. But we have to hope for the best. This is Dharma, she’s strong.” I reassured.

“Her mind is a jumbled mess. I don’t know what she’s thinking about doing.” Catherin said.

“Maybe because there’s nothing left to do.” Kristin said.

We stood there looking down at Johnathon’s grave.

******************

“Dharma.” I knocked on the door and entered the dark room.

She was sitting on the bed, her back to the door.

She didn’t say anything.

I walked in and walked until I could face her.

I looked at her.

Her dark eyes stared at nothing, her body still and barely breathing.

“Dharma.”

No reaction.

I touched her shoulder.

She looked at me.  
Her dark large eyes so full of pain, I had to swallow the lump that formed in my throat.

“I don’t understand.” Her voice was rough.

“What?” I asked kneeling in front of her.

“All I want to do is love him. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Dharma.” I whispered.

“Thank you for all you did. I know that you have to go.”

“No.” I said shaking my head.

“Thank you for everything.” She said turning away.

“Dharma.”

I turned her head.

Her eyes barely looked towards me.

“You’re going to be fine. I know you are.”

She looked away and retreated back into her mind.

And this time, I couldn’t get her to come back. 

I stood and walked away with a heavy heart.

She was right; I had other things to do.

I had been gone from my practice for more than I had originally intended and my other business needed tending to immediately.

I let the others know that I was leaving, then I gathered my things and left.

********************

I stood from the bed, with more effort than I would have thought.

I could have sat there until my flesh fell away and my bones became dust.

But it wasn’t time.

Something in me tugged at me to keep going.

For what, I don’t know.

I took a couple deep breaths and walked out the room.

Marcus was standing in the dark hallway.

He looked at me as I walked out of the room.

The others were around, somewhere.

I didn’t really care right now.

“I’m leaving.” I said without waiting for him to say something.

“Where?”

“Somewhere. I don’t know.” I shrugged.

I could feel myself losing it, grasping at what was left of my sanity.

“Let me come with you.”

“No.”

“Dharma.” 

I looked into his sad eyes.

I could easily give in and let him love me. I knew that eventually I would love him back the way I was supposed to. But I knew it was useless. If there was ever a chance, it had   
been in the beginning. Now all there was a friendship, there couldn’t be anything more for us.

There was only one person for me.

_Johnathon. ___

__I looked away as tears stung my eyes and I cursed myself._ _

__He wasn’t going to answer my call, he was gone._ _

__I looked back at Marcus._ _

__If he knew what I was thinking, he didn’t show it._ _

__“I have to be alone right now. But I’ll come back when it’s time.”_ _

__“When will that be?”_ _

__I shrugged and looked away._ _

__When I had gotten my emotions under control, I looked back at him._ _

__“Please take care of Johnathon’s business. It meant a lot to him.”_ _

__“You know I will.”_ _

__I hugged him._ _

__“I love you.” He said._ _

__“I know. I love you too Marcus.”_ _

__I left them there. I knew that they would stay for months, years even. Waiting for me to come back._ _

__But it was going to take longer than that to heal this pain._ _

__I hated my obsession with him, from the moment I had seen him all those years ago. I hated the hold he had on my heart but I knew that fighting it would only make me want him  
more. So I had no choice but to be with him._ _

__“I love you.” I whispered, this time unwilling to stop the tears._ _

__I walked to South America where I lived for a few months._ _

__I kept in touch with the others and I let them know that I was okay and alive._ _

__Then I headed into Africa, and then into North America._ _

__I arrived to his house and packed everything up._ _

__I made sure his things were stored away for a later time._ _

__Then I put his house up for sale._ _

__*****************_ _

__I strolled over to his shop and remembered._ _

__I wrote a letter to Thera and asked her to forgive my anger and thanked her again for all she had done and for being my friend._ _

__When the memories became too painful, I headed into Canada._ _

__From there, I headed into the wild._ _

__I lived in Germany and then holed up in my recluse in the forests of Romania._ _

__I knew it was too Bram Stoker and cliché, it made me smile sometimes just to think of it._ _

__I wish I had brought Johnathon here and we could have lay on the ground and watched the stars rise in the night sky._ _

__I knew that maybe I had given all I had to give in this life._ _

__I had loved with the same consequence both times._ _

__What more was there?_ _

__I had seen and witnessed many things on this earth, what else was left to see and experience? What more could a creature like me ask for?_ _

__~Johnathon.~_ _

__Maybe it was time to surrender myself to the fires of hell._ _

__***********************_ _

__After spending nine months in the darkness, I headed back to my house._ _

__I knew it was empty._ _

__Marcus was still around but he respected me enough to live somewhere else._ _

__I cleaned up and dressed and then went to visit my brother and the love of my life._ _

__It still hurt to know that he was gone, but every day the pain became less and I could picture his face without anger or tears._ _

__I made another portrait made of him and hung it next to the old one._ _

__I visited Marcus and pretended to be normal._ _

__I had the house remodeled and constructed a labyrinth for my loved one’s._ _

__I moved to my house in California and helped James run Johnathon’s shop there._ _

__I did all the best that I could to move on._ _

__But I knew that I had given all I had._ _

__It was time._ _

__Time to end my hell._ _


	18. Chapter 18

“Thank you for coming Mrs. Reed.”

“It’s no problem Principle Jennings. I really want to help my son. He’s been so quiet lately. My husband and I have tried to talk to him, to get him out of this stupor but nothings worked.”

I look out at my son who is sitting out in the hall.

He ignores my smile.

“I understand that his grandfather died recently.”

“Yes, last month. Nate was really close to him, it’s been hard on all of us.”

“Mrs. Reed, we have tried to be lenient with Nate. But there’s only so much we can do. I’m sorry to say this, but we have to expel him. It’s the fourth fight these last few months.   
We have no choice.”

“I understand.”

“I have the number for a child psychologist. I hope that can help.”

“Thank you.”

“The receptionist will give you the information.”

I stand and shake her hand.

I walk out and look down at my son.

His sad dark eyes look at me briefly before they lower to the floor.

I put a hand on his shoulder.

He stands and follows me.

***********************

“I understand that you haven’t been sleeping well.”

I shrug my shoulders.

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“No.”

“I’m here to help you Nate.”

“Can you make my father be home more? Can you make my mother stop pretending everything will be alright?”

“Son-”

“No one can help me.”

I stand and walk out.

My mother stands from the chair.

“How’d it go?”

“I don’t want to come here ever again. This is stupid.”

“Nate.”

I stand her hug for a moment.

We go home and after dinner I hear my parent’s talking about me.

I creep back up the stairs and into my room.

I turn on my iPod and listen to Mozart’s ‘Requiem’ flow from the speakers.

It was my grandfather’s favorite.

It always manages to make me teary eyed.

I close my eyes and try to relax.

I had been having dreams lately, but it wasn’t about my grandfather.

I knew that he was in a better place now.

It was about a woman.

I didn’t know her name, but I knew how she looked.

She called my name and though I knew I was supposed to be afraid of her, I loved her.

Sometimes when I was awake I can hear her call me, and that scared me.

It seems that more and more, she’s the only thing I can concentrate on.

Nothing else seems to hold my attention for longer than a second.

I wanted to be with her.

But I know that I couldn’t.

Because if I go with her, I know I will die.

The next day I had to help my mom clean the house.

Because I had gotten myself expelled, now I had to do double chore duties and I couldn’t go online for a week.

Today I had to clean out the garage.

I grabbed the broom and began sweeping up.

_Johnathon. ___

__A shiver ran down my spine but I ignored it._ _

__~I love you.~_ _

__“And I love you.” I whisper out loud._ _

__I sat down on the cold hard floor._ _

__“How do you know me? Why do you call my name?”_ _

__There was no answer._ _

__It made me feel even more alone._ _

__I stood and continued sweeping._ _

__I had to organize the shelves and I hated it._ _

__~I love you.~_ _

__I smile._ _

__“I know.”_ _

__~I miss you.~_ _

__“I’m here.”_ _

__~I saw a man in the park today, he reminded me of you. Sometimes I can smell you next to me. It’s like even gone; you still torture me with your presence. A shaky sigh. I love you.~_ _

__“I’m sorry that I make you cry. You know, sometimes you make me cry too. And you make me afraid. I know that I love you, but I don’t know you. What’s your name?”_ _

__~I think that this time I have reached my point. Maybe it’s time for me to end this life. And maybe I’ll find you where you are and maybe this time you won’t leave me.~_ _

__“I’d never leave you.”_ _

__*******************_ _

__~Johnathon.~_ _

__“What?”_ _

__I open my eyes._ _

__It’s morning and I can hear my mom making breakfast._ _

__I sit up._ _

__After a moment, I get up and head to the bathroom._ _

__I head downstairs and sit at the table._ _

__My mom serves me some pancakes._ _

__Dad ruffles my hair and he’s out the door._ _

__I stare at my mom’s back._ _

__“Are you happy?”_ _

__She turns to look at me._ _

__“Of course I am.”_ _

__“Really?”_ _

__“Yes. Nate, what is this about?”_ _

__“I have to tell you something.”_ _

__“What is it honey?”_ _

__“Sit down.”_ _

__She sits next to me._ _

__“I know that you think I’m messed up because of grandpa or hormones.”_ _

__“Honey-”_ _

__“Just listen, please.”_ _

__She closes her mouth._ _

__“But it’s not because of any of those things or drugs. I just, I haven’t been sleeping well. I keep having these dreams, about a girl. Well, a woman. She keeps calling my name and I know her face. I know her. I don’t know how I know her, but I do. I also know that she’s not all she seems to be. She looks young and nice, innocent even. But something in her eyes tells me that’s not true. She’s lived too long and learned tricks. She knows how to get people to come to her. She makes them think she’s someone she’s not. I don’t mean the young and innocent part; I mean she literally changes into someone else.”_ _

__“Into what?”_ _

__“I don’t know.”_ _

__“So then, what makes you think she does?”_ _

__“She’s evil.”_ _

__“Honey, I know-”_ _

__“You don’t! I love her and I know that if I call her name, she’ll come. She’ll come and she’ll take me because I’ll beg her not to leave me. Don’t you understand? I can’t ever leave  
her.”_ _

__“Okay. Calm down. Let’s be rational about this.”_ _

__I knew that my mom was steps away from calling the loony bin to come and take me. But I had to tell someone, because if I didn’t I would go crazy. Or do something stupid._ _

__“Look, I know that this sounds insane. But mom, haven’t you ever got the feeling that someone out there was watching you or that you’ve heard someone call your name when  
there was no one there?”_ _

__She stared at me for a moment, and then she nodded._ _

__“Why would she come for you? There are millions of people on this earth. Why you?”_ _

__“I’m the only one she’s loved.”_ _

__“And this woman. How would she find you?”_ _

__“She’ll take it from my mind.”_ _

__“So she reads minds. Anything else?”_ _

__“She can do anything.”_ _

__“Like a superhero.”_ _

__“No. Like a vampire.”_ _

__My mother stares at me and I know she thinks I’m crazy. But I’m scared. I’m scared that she will find me and come for me. And I’m scared that she won’t._ _

__“Your father is working late tonight. I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you call her? I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. Call her and you’ll see that there is nothing to be  
afraid of because she isn’t real.”_ _

__“And if she comes?”_ _

__“We’ll tell her she can’t have you.”_ _

__It was foolish and stupid, but if I couldn’t believe that my mother could make things right then what was I supposed to believe in?_ _


	19. Chapter 19

“You ready?”

I take a shaky breath.

“It’s going to be fine honey, you’ll see.”

Mom and I were sitting in the living room.

The house was quiet.

She wanted to wait until it was dark because she reasoned that if this woman was a vampire, then she couldn’t come out during the day.

I felt stupid. Like a stupid little kid who needed his mommy to tell him that the boogey man wasn’t real.

But I couldn’t do this by myself.

The room was illuminated by lamps.

“Okay.” I said.

“Call her.”

“Out loud?”

“Out loud, in your head. It doesn’t matter.”

“Okay.”

I closed my eyes and concentrated.

If you can hear me, I want you to come to my house.

I want to know that you’re real.

And then her name just came to me.

Dharma.

“Okay.” I say opening my eyes.

“Okay. So how long do you think we should wait? How fast do you think she is?”

The doorbell rang.

I swear I almost jumped into my mother’s arms.

After some hesitation, my mother stood and went to answer the door.

It was her friends from her book club.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“I’m sorry honey. I forgot.” My mom says.

“It’s okay.”

They move into the kitchen.

I go up to my room.

I turn to close the door behind me and then turn back towards my bed.

My breath catches in my throat.

“You should know better.”

She stands from the bed and walks a little towards me.

“What?”

“You know the rules. She can’t know about us.”

My breathing speed us.

“You’re not real.”

“I can say the same about you.”

“I know I’m real.” I say shaking my head.

“I know I’m real.” She says walking closer.

“Oh my god.” 

My vision blurs and I feel like I’m going to faint.

Her hands touch my shoulders.

I look at her.

She smiles a little and I feel myself doing the same.

Her hand caresses my face.

I touch her arm.

She’s so warm and human.

“Johnathon.”

“Yes.”

“I love you.”

“Yes.”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“How much?”

“With all my life.”

“All?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

She kisses me softly at first, and then with more passion. Her hand touches my neck briefly before her lips move onto the same place where her hands had been before.

I felt the prick of something sharp as it pierces my neck.

I sigh and relax in her arms. Then I feel her swallow and I panic.

“No! What are you doing?”

Her arms hold me tighter.

I begin to struggle.

“Stop! Please! Dharma, NO!”

I sat up batting away at the invisible monster, my hands entangled in her hair.

I gasped for air.

“Get away!” I yelled. “Leave me alone!”

I opened my eyes to find myself alone in my room, my hands and my body entangled in the sheets.

The clock said it was six in the morning.

Damn it. It had all been a dream.

For a moment I considered actually telling my mother about her but I knew that it would only bring her more harm.

I walked to my window and saw that the sun was close to rising.

The days were getting colder and longer.

The darkness outside lingered until the sun chased it away.

My god, I was being so maudlin.

I shivered and stood there as the sun rose.

I took comfort in the warmth of the sun and knowing that I was safe during the day.

I was fine as long as the sun was up.

But once it was time for the sun to set, panic started to set in.

It was the same every night.

It got worse once I was enrolled into a new school.

It was even harder to concentrate and I found myself touching my neck in the spot where I had dreamed that she had bitten me.

During the night I dreamt that I was with her. We were in love and I never wanted her to leave, I never wanted to leave her side.

I looked at her smiling face, those big dark eyes piercing my soul.

*********************

It was Friday afternoon and I was in my last class of the day.

I couldn’t wait for the minutes to pass.

I watched the clock anxiously.

When the bell rang for sixth period, I hurried out into the courtyard.

I only lived like four blocks down from the school, so I walked home.

I made my way slowly.

The trees rustle and I breathed in the fresh air.

“Nate! Wait up.”

I stop walking.

My friend comes up to me.

“Hi.” She says.

“Hi Amelia.”

“Why the hurry?”

“I have a headache.” I lied.

“Oh no. Well, I don’t want to make you wait so I’ll just tell you. Do you have a date for the fall festival dance?”

“No.”

“Do you want to go with me?”

I almost said no, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

“Sure.”

“Great.”

She hugs me briefly then is gone with a smile and a little wave.

Amelia and I had grown up together and then as we hit puberty, we’d kind of drifted. I still said hi to her when I saw her and I tried to make small talk. But it was all there was.   
Memories of what it had been, or could have been.

She was a pretty girl but too outgoing for my taste.

******************

_“Do you love her?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“More than you love me?”_

_“It’s different.”_

_“Answer the question.”_

_“Yes.”_

_Her tears hurt me but I knew I had to do this._

_“Then why were you with me this whole time?”_

_“I wanted to love you too. But it’s changed, I’ve changed. I’m sorry Christina. But I have to do this.”_

_“I love you. Please don’t go.”_

_“It’s over and I’m sorry._

_I turn and walk away._

_“No Johnathon! Don’t go! I need you.”_

_I continue to walk, either not hearing or not caring. ___

__I open my eyes to my dark room._ _

__“Who are you?” I ask, needing to know the answer more than anything._ _

__There was something I wanted to remember, it was there in the back of my mind but too far away for me to grasp it._ _

__The next day at the library, I researched the name Johnathon._ _

__I didn’t have a last name so it was going to be a little hard._ _

__There were a bunch of different Johnathon’s but one caught my eye._ _

__“Manning Books.”_ _

__I clicked on it to go to the store’s website._ _

__I clicked on articles and it took me to a newspaper printing about the store._ _

__“Opening its doors in October 2003, Manning Books has made a great success with his store in the Old Town Clovis area in Clovis, California. With more than 20,000 different subjects anyone can come in and find something to read. Adapted with a huge database and online ordering, this small shop has hit it big. Customers rave that the owner is a delight and very easy to befriend. Johnathon Manning, the owner and operator of Manning Books, comes from a background in business. He moved to California six months ago and within three months, he opened this business. His prior residence was in Chicago but now he assures us that California is the only place he wants to live in. Come to visit Manning Books located on the corner of Clovis Avenue and Fifth St in Clovis, California.”_ _

__I had to go there._ _

__I printed the article and the directions and I made plans._ _

__I had to talk to Johnathon._ _

__We lived in Madera, it was a bit of a drive but I had no choice. He was the only one who could help me._ _

__Now, if I could only convince my mom to let me borrow the car._ _

__I had my driver’s license; I turned sixteen in the summer. But I think that my mom might be a little reluctant to let me use it after my little scuffle at school._ _

__But I was going to try my best._ _

__This was something I had to do and it had to be today._ _

__I called my mom during lunch and I tried to convince her._ _

__After some reluctance she agreed, though I didn’t tell her where I was going._ _

__So now all I had to do was talk to Johnathon and I would get the answers I wanted._ _

__The drive was a little nerve racking and for some reason, the fog decided to come in._ _

__It wasn’t too bad, I could still see._ _

__I just didn’t want to be nervous or high strung when I talked to Johnathon._ _

__I admit that I sat out in the car for about fifteen minutes just watching the people come and go._ _

__Then I got my nerve and walk up to the entrance to the shop._ _

__They were having an anniversary sale._ _

__Today was the day he had opened his shop back in 03. It was the seventh anniversary._ _

__I walked in and browsed a bit._ _

__There was a young girl at the counter and I wondered where he was._ _

__The girl caught me glancing at her a couple of times and then I decided to go and ask._ _

__“Can I help you?” She asks._ _

__“I’m here to see Johnathon.”_ _

__“Oh hon. I’m sorry but he passed away.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Yeah. Two years ago.”_ _

__“Oh. Sorry.”_ _

__I turned away._ _

__My vision blurred and I felt stupid._ _

__“Wait.” She came around the counter._ _

__She looked at my blurry eyes and smiled kindly at me._ _

__“Look, Johnathon’s friend James runs this store and sometimes Damon comes in. Damon helped Johnathon here in the beginning when he had just opened his store. James just  
ran out to go to the bank; he should be here in fifteen if you want to wait. I’m sure he can help you with whatever you need okay?”_ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__She pats my shoulder and goes back to the register to help some customers._ _

__Twenty minutes later a man walks in and he heads behind the counter._ _

__The girl talks to him and points in my direction._ _

__I turn away before the guy can look at me._ _

__What am I doing here?_ _

__I hear footsteps approach me and I tense._ _

__“Hi. I hear you are here to see Johnathon.”_ _

__I know it’s rude not to turn and acknowledge him, so I look at him._ _

__“My name is James.” He says after a moment._ _

__“I’m sorry I came here.” I say standing in a hurry._ _

__The book I was going to buy falls to the floor right beside his foot._ _

__Now I feel even more stupid._ _

__My face burns and I feel like everyone is staring at us even though they’re not._ _

__James picks up my book and hands it to me._ _

__“Maybe I can help you.” He says._ _

__“No.”_ _

__“Are you sure?”_ _

__He stares at me like he’s trying to read my mind._ _

__I make my mind clear, just in case._ _

__“Why drive all this way for nothing?” He asks._ _

__I narrow my eyes at him._ _

__“Sit down, I just want to help.”_ _

__I look at the front door and then after some hesitation, I sit down._ _

__“What’s your name?”_ _

__“Nate. Well, my friends and family call me Nate.”_ _

__“So what should I call you?” He smiles._ _

__I relax a bit._ _

__“Nate is fine.”_ _

__“Nate. What did you need?”_ _

__“It’s stupid.”_ _

__“Why do you say that?”_ _

__I look at all the people in the shop._ _

__“Is there anywhere I can talk to you without, you know.” I wave my hand around the store._ _

__“Sure. You can come into the office.”_ _

__He stands and leads the way._ _

__We walk into the office and I close the door behind me._ _

__I turn to look at James who stands beside the desk._ _

__“Um, I don’t know how to start.”_ _

__“Just relax and tell me why you came.”_ _

__I walk towards a chair and sit down, putting my backpack down and the book on the desk._ _

__“I’ve been having these dreams.”_ _

__His eyes change, they became darker somehow. Like he was gone somewhere in his head and his body became tense._ _

__I didn’t know if I should continue._ _

__But then he moved and came to sit next to me._ _

__“And?”_ _

__“I think they have something to do with Johnathon. I don’t know. That’s what she keeps calling me. I wanted to talk to him and see if maybe he knew what they meant.”_ _

__He looks away and shakes his head._ _

__“But he’d dead so, I guess there’s nothing for me here.”_ _

__He looks back at me, his green eyes shadowed._ _

__“Nate, this person who calls you. Do you know who it is?”_ _

__“I…yeah.”_ _

__He waits for me to elaborate._ _

__“Well, I don’t know her per se. But I know how she looks and that I call her Dharma.”_ _

__“And do you love her?”_ _

__“In my dreams I do but to tell you the truth, she scares me. I mean, she has this control over me that I can’t resist and I don’t want to. That scares me.”_ _

__“Do you talk to her?”_ _

__“In my dreams I do. When I’m awake I think about her but I don’t have conversations with her. At first I thought she was in my head, so I tried to ignore it. But then she started  
talking to me and I got the feeling that maybe not.”_ _

__“Look, there is someone who can help you but you don’t have to be afraid.”_ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__“Wait here until I close the shop. I’ll come and get you okay?”_ _

__“Oh, umm. I don’t know if I can stay that long. My mom will get worried.”_ _

__“Your mom knows you’re okay.”_ _

__He walks out._ _

__I sit there and look around._ _

__I tried not to snoop, but I couldn’t help it._ _

__I get up and walk behind the desk._ _

__Some of the books are expense and profit logs._ _

__I move those aside._ _

__There’s a list of book shipments and orders._ _

__I read that for a moment and then I put it aside._ _

__In the middle drawer, there are pens and post it notes._ _

__I move on to the other drawers._ _

__The top one has bills and receipts._ _

__The middle one has a log of hours and employees._ _

__The last one had a box in it._ _

__I look at the door and then back at the box._ _

__I sit on the chair and pull out the box onto my lap._ _

__I want to open it but I know that I shouldn’t._ _

__I debate then decide to put the box back._ _

__I look at the drawer and there is a journal back there._ _

__I put the box on the desk and grab the journal._ _

__

__October 15_ _

__Sometimes I think that I made the right choice leaving her, but today I know that it wasn’t. I miss her more than anything and sometimes I start to get the feeling that I hate Christina. Maybe not hate, more like I don’t understand her anymore. We’re not the same, nothing is. Dharma was right and though I hate to admit it, she might be right about everything. Marcus still won’t talk to me; James comes to see me once in a while. I don’t know about the others, if they know or even care. I don’t know where she is or what’s she’s doing. If she’s replaced me. Do you regret it now? Do you regret loving me? Have you given up? Dharma. I love you, I do._ _

__

__I closed to journal and put everything where it belonged. I picked up my stuff and headed out of the room in a hurry. They were all in it together. He could be calling her right now._ _

__I had been an idiot._ _

__I ran out into the main room._ _

__A few lights were still on but I couldn’t see anyone._ _

__I tried the front door, it was unlocked._ _

__I breathed a sigh of relief and walked out._ _

__I walked to my car and was about to unlock it when I see someone staring at me from across the street._ _

__I looked over._ _

__There was a young man, older than me. He was standing with his back to the restaurant that was directly across the street from the book shop. His clothes were dark and he was  
wearing a hoodie. His face is what captured me. His eyes seemed large, even from across the street. Large and dark, his face frozen without expression. I shivered and put my   
backpack in the car. When I looked up, the guy was gone. I tried to calm the rapid beating of my heart. I leaned my head against the car for a moment and then turned to get into   
the driver’s side of the car. _ _

__“You could get mugged out here and you wouldn’t even know it until it was too late.”_ _

__I covered my mouth to stop myself from yelling, the keys falling from my hand._ _

__He bends and picks them up, handing them to me._ _

__I stared at his hand then take the keys._ _

__His eyes, so dark. They made me shiver._ _

__“You shouldn’t be out here alone.” He says, although his voice wasn’t what I had expected it to be._ _

__“Thanks.” I said._ _

__He cocks his head a little._ _

__I looked at him again even though I told myself not to._ _

__His face familiar to me. I was taller, but I knew he was strong. His sweater covered most of his body, not giving it a shape._ _

__“It’s late.” He says._ _

__I stared at his mouth for a moment before looking into his eyes again._ _

__“I know you.” I said._ _

__“Do you?”_ _

__I nod._ _

__“I can’t remember from where though.”_ _

__“Hmm.”_ _

__“Do you need a ride somewhere?”_ _

__Somewhere inside me, my instincts were hitting me but I wasn’t registering._ _

__“No.”_ _

__“You live close by?”_ _

__“Sort of.”_ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__“I need to close the shop.” He said gesturing back at the book store._ _

__“Oh.”_ _

__“James left, I don’t know where. He had to go do something. You met James right?”_ _

__“Yeah. So you’re Damon then.”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__“I’m Nate.” I say extending my hand._ _

__“Nice to meet you Nate.” His cold hand touched mine and I shivered again._ _

__“You too. Umm, I can walk with you.”_ _

__“It’s not necessary.”_ _

__“No, uh. I was going to buy a book earlier but then I forgot it. Maybe you can sell it to me now.”_ _

__“Sure.”_ _

__We walked back together; the fear had drained from me. I wasn’t really feeling anything at all. Maybe too little since I was inviting a stranger to get into my car. And here I was  
walking him back to the shop I had just run out of._ _

__He opened the door and I walked back into the office where I had left the book._ _

__I came back out and he was standing behind the register._ _

__He looked at me when I came out._ _

__I walked up to the register._ _

__He extended his hand for the book._ _

__I handed it over._ _

__He rang up my purchase._ _

__I stared at him._ _

__He looked up at me._ _

__Those eyes._ _

__I reached out and touched his left eyebrow with my finger._ _

__He didn’t move or say anything._ _

__I was scaring myself, what was I doing? This was another guy!_ _

__But it was as if from the moment I looked at him, nothing else mattered._ _

__I touched his cold cheek._ _

__“I’m sorry.” I said._ _

__I knew that I should stop touching him, but I couldn’t._ _

__“Johnathon.” He said. “Do you love me?”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__His large dark eyes looked so sad._ _

__“I love you.” He said._ _

__“I know.”_ _

__He smiled a little._ _

__He backed away and came around the counter._ _

__I put my hand on his neck and pulled him a little closer._ _

__“I don’t know why I’m doing this.” I admitted._ _

__“I don’t mind.”_ _

__I bent down and kissed him._ _

__His cold hands touched my back._ _

__I moved my hand up to remove the hoodie._ _

__The dark hair fell over my hand, heavy and thick._ _

__~I found you. Johnathon.~_ _


	20. Chapter 20

I opened my eyes to find myself on a strange bed.

The sun was shining through the windows.

I sat up and looked around.

A cat jumped up on the bed and demanded my attention.

“Hey kitty, what’s your name?”

“Archie.”

I looked up at Damon.

I stood a little awkwardly.

I didn’t really remember much.

We were making out and then nothing.

“There’s nothing to be awkward about.” He said walking closer.

His hands touched my sides.

They weren’t cold anymore.

I put my hands on his shoulders.

“I’m sorry that I passed out on you.”

He shrugs.

“You needed rest.”

“Yeah, but still. Have guys have passed out on you before?”

“Just you.”

I smile and kiss him.

“Oh my god!” I say moving away. “My mom is going to kill me.”

“Why?”

“It’s morning! She probably already called the cops. Shit.” 

I pull on my t-shirt and start putting on my socks.

The bed dips as Damon crawls on.

“She knows you’re not in danger.” Damon says putting his hands on my shoulders.

“How would she know that? Did you call her?”

“She knows. Don’t worry, you won’t be in trouble.”

“If you say so.”

He reclines against my back for a moment, and then I feel him move away.

“Is this your house?” I ask standing.

“I rent it.”

I followed him into the kitchen.

“I brought you a Frappuccino.” He says handing it to me.

“Thanks. How did you know I liked it?”

“Lucky guess.”

**********************

I drove home with a little trepidation.

I parked the car and went in.

My parents were in the kitchen having breakfast.

I left my backpack in the hall and walked in to the kitchen.

“Good morning honey.” Mom says standing to serve me some pancakes.

“Hey Sport.” Dad says from behind the newspaper.

“How was it?” Mom asks sitting down.

“How was what?” I ask sitting.

“The game.”

“Game?”

“Yes, the game Nate. Your friend called saying you were staying over because the game was going to end late.”

“Oh, it was fun.”

“Good.”

“We’re glad that you’re starting to come out of your shell.” Dad says looking at me.

I nod.

After breakfast, I go upstairs to take a shower and change.

Afterwards, I remember that I left my backpack downstairs so I go and get it.

My backpack feels a little heavy so I rummage around.

I get up to my room and close the door behind me.

I fish out something heavy.

The book I was going to buy.

I smile and shake my head.

“I figured that you wanted it.”

I stand for the bed and whip around to look at Damon.

He’s standing there by the window.

“What are you doing here?” I whisper.

He shrugs and comes closer.

“I wanted to see you.”

“Oh.”

“So, did you get in trouble?”

“No. I don’t know how you did it.”

“It’s a secret.”

“How did you get my number?”

“I read your mind.”

I smile and put my hands on his back.

He touches my face.

He looks a little different in the sunlight.

He smiles a little secret smile.

“What?” I ask curiously.

“Nothing. Just remembering.”

“What?” I ask again.

He shakes his head and leans in for a kiss.

I get lost in the feel of his soft lips.

“Honey-” Mom says walking in.

I open my eyes and I’m standing there alone in my room.

“I was going to say,” Mom continues. “If you want to ask your friends to come over, you can.”

I don’t listen to whatever she continued to say.

I look around the room.

It’s empty.

“Nate? You okay?”

“Oh. Yeah, everything is fine. Thanks mom.”

“Okay honey.”

She closes the door behind herself.

“Damon.” I whisper.

Hands touch my back.

“Yes?”

I look at him.

“You’re good at hiding.”

“I’m good at others things too.”

“Are you flirting with me?”

“I don’t want to waste more time.”

“With?”

“You.”

“So, what do you suggest?”

“Close your eyes.”

“I think I like where this is going.” I smile.

I do as told.

I feel his hands on my chest and his lips close over my neck.

I put my hands on his back.

I feel a prick in my neck that hurts for seconds before making me feel like jelly.

_Remember. Close your eyes and remember._

_Johnathon. ___

__The sun light is dimming when I open my eyes._ _

__“Dharma?” I say sitting up._ _

__The room is different and smaller._ _

__“Dharma!”_ _

__“Shh.” She says climbing on the bed next to me._ _

__“What happened?”_ _

__“Nothing. How do you feel?”_ _

__“Fine. Where are we?”_ _

__“What do you remember?”_ _

__“We were in that farm place and you were yelling. Where are we?”_ _

__Her hand combs my hair._ _

__I look at her._ _

__“I love you.” I say._ _

__“I know.” She answers._ _

__“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”_ _

__“Sleep some more first. Things will become better in the morning.”_ _

__I yawn and lay back down._ _

__I roll over to face her._ _

__Her hands sooth me back into sleep._ _

__When I wake up again, its morning._ _

__Dharma isn’t in the room._ _

__I go out into the hall._ _

__“Nate.”_ _

__I turn._ _

__“Honey, I’m going to church. Breakfast is in the microwave.” The woman, my mother, kisses my cheek and goes down the stairs. A moment later, I hear the front door close._ _

__I stand there trying to remember what is going on._ _

__I go back into the room and stand in front of the full length mirror in the closet door._ _

__I stare at myself for a long moment._ _

__I touch my face and then stare at my young reflection._ _

__“So.” I clear my throat. “This is different.”_ _

__I get dressed in a hurry and I head out._ _

__I get in the car and I know exactly where I’m going._ _

__Traffic was bad but I made it._ _

__I sat in the car and watched the shop, much like I had two nights ago. I could see James standing at the register. Then Dharma was there, standing at the window and looking  
back at me._ _

__I raised my hand and waved._ _

__She blinked back in response._ _

__I sighed and got out of the car._ _

__James looks at me and smiles._ _

__I smile back._ _

__I walk into the store and head into the back where I keep all the new shipments. Dharma follows._ _

__I turn and close the door and then I kiss her with a hunger I didn’t know I still had for her._ _

__I hug her close and as I’m holding her, I realize that she’s dressed like Damon again._ _

__“Habit.” She says in response._ _

__“I know.” I say kissing her temple._ _

__“I love you.”_ _

__“I know. And you know what else?” I ask looking at her._ _

__She raises an eyebrow._ _

__“I’m mortal again, and sixteen.”_ _

__She smiles._ _

__“My karma sucks.”_ _

__She laughs and I kiss her again._ _

__“So, do your thing.”_ _

__“What?” She asks._ _

__“You know, change me.”_ _

__“Johnathon.”_ _

__“You’re going to anyways. Like you said, why waste any more time?”_ _

__“You want to be sixteen forever?”_ _

__“Why take the chance of waiting for me to become older?”_ _

__“I don’t know.”_ _

__The door opens and James walks in._ _

__I turn to look at him._ _

__He comes forward and hugs me._ _

__I could tell he was trying to fight the urge to hug me tighter._ _

__He cups my face and smiles, his eyes a little glassy with tears._ _

__“I’m glad you’re alright.” He says._ _

__“Me too. It’s good to see you again James.”_ _

__“Even better to see you.”_ _

__I nod._ _

__“I thought you guys would have sold the place by now.” I say._ _

__“Well, we thought about it but we knew how important it was to you.”_ _

__“Thank you.” I say really touched that they had taken me into consideration even though I had died or been dead. I wasn’t really sure which right now._ _

__James left us alone again._ _

__“So. What’s the verdict?” I ask._ _

__“Your really don’t want to grow older?”_ _

__“For what?”_ _

__She thinks about it._ _

__“You need more time. You need to be of legal age.”_ _

__“What am I supposed to do in the meantime? And don’t say school.”_ _

__“I love you.”_ _

__“I’m still not going to school.”_ _

__“You just have to wait a little longer.”_ _

__“How long?”_ _

__She smiles a little._ _

__“Dharma. How long?”_ _

__*****************_ _

__“Johnathon.”_ _

__I roll over._ _

__“Happy Birthday.”_ _

__“Hmm.”_ _

__I feel her lips on my cheek._ _

__“What time is it?”_ _

__“Three in the morning.”_ _

__“I would have thought you would have come at midnight.”_ _

__“You were tired.”_ _

__I close my eyes and begin to feel myself drift._ _

__“Johnathon.”_ _

__“Hmm?”_ _

__“Should I wait until you’re more fully awake or should I turn you now?”_ _

__“Turn me into what?”_ _

__“Did you forget?”_ _

__“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_ _

__“You are eighteen today.”_ _

__I open my eyes._ _

__“I’m eighteen today.”_ _

__I sit up and look at her._ _

__“I’m eighteen. Eighteen!”_ _

__“Shush.”_ _

__“Sorry.”_ _

__I can’t help the goofy grin I must be sporting._ _

__She takes my hand and we stand._ _

__I grab my jeans off the floor and put them on._ _

__I stuff my bare feet into my shoes._ _

__I take her hand and we walk out of the house._ _

__“Where are we going?”_ _

__“To my place.”_ _

__“Are you going to do naughty things to me before you change me or afterwards?”_ _

__She gives me a look of disbelief and I can’t help but laugh._ _

__James is there._ _

__I rush forward and hug him._ _

__“I’m eighteen today.” I tell him like a complete idiot._ _

__He smiles._ _

__“Yes. I know.”_ _

__We go in and I stand in the living room._ _

__Dharma comes close._ _

__“I love you.”_ _

__“I love you.”_ _

__“Close your eyes.”_ _

__I close them._ _

__“Don’t be afraid.”_ _

__“I’m not. Just do it already.”_ _

__I feel her lips on mine and I surrender myself completely._ _

__********************_ _

__“You still alive?”_ _

__I blink open my eyes._ _

__“What?”_ _

__James’s smiling face greets me._ _

__“You’re fine.” He says._ _

__He helps me sit up._ _

__My body feels a little heavy and I feel confused._ _

__I didn’t feel this way the first time around._ _

__“You’re younger and your body is weaker, more susceptible.”_ _

__“Oh.”_ _

__“Can you stand?”_ _

__“I don’t know.”_ _

__“Come on. Let’s try it.”_ _

__I stand with a lot of difficulty and help. I mostly lean on James._ _

__My shaky legs can only hold my weight for about a minute before I have to sit down._ _

__“You need blood.”_ _

__“Yeah. Where’s Dharma?”_ _

__“She went to get you food.”_ _

__“Food?”_ _

__“Blood.”_ _

__“From?”_ _

__“A person.”_ _

__“But how is she…” I shut my mouth as it dawns on me._ _

__She was bringing the food to me since I was too weak to get out and get it myself._ _

__James looked uncomfortable for a moment._ _

__“It’s necessary.” He says quietly._ _

__“I know. I guess I forgot this part.”_ _

__There’s laughing and then three teens crash into the room, heavily leaning on the door and almost falling to the floor laughing._ _

__I know that they’re intoxicated and about a minute away from being stoned._ _

__“Who’s the kid?” The male asks._ _

__“I don’t know. Looks kind of out of it.” The oldest female says._ _

__“Maybe he beat us to the stash.” The youngest comments and they all break out laughing._ _

__The sound aggravates my ears._ _

__James grabs the male without preamble and brings him within my reach._ _

__The smell of blood is intoxicating and I feel it taking over my senses._ _

__“Hey man, I ain’t queer. Take that bitch.” He says pointing at the oldest of the females. “She’ll do anyone.” He slurs trying to shrug out of James’s hold._ _

__I stand and fall on the guy._ _

__He tried to save our fall, but my legs were useless._ _

__I fell on him, my weight falling completely on him and I heard his ribs crack._ _

__He hit his head and he was out._ _

__My head moved of its own accord as my new instincts kicked in and soon I was greedily drinking down his blood._ _

__That’s when the females started to panic._ _

__The drunken haze lifted from the women as they looked at the lifeless body of their friend. They started screaming and cussing._ _

__It was irritating me._ _

__I stood, more easily and walked over to my next victim._ _

__She screamed near my ear and I slapped her._ _

__She passed out in my arms._ _

__I bit her neck and drank some more sweet nectar._ _

__The other girl had stopped screaming by now._ _

__I looked up as I let the lifeless body in my arms fall to the floor._ _

__Dharma was there, standing at the entrance._ _

__James had the other female by the neck._ _

__He stretched his arm out, offering her to me._ _

__Having Dharma there watching me excited me even more._ _

__I took the female unceremoniously and I tore at her neck carelessly._ _

__Some of her blood fell on my hand as I held her neck._ _

__I licked at the wound as the blood flow stopped._ _

__Then Dharma was there, removing the body from my hands._ _

__She took my bloody hand in hers and swiped at it with her tongue._ _

__It was the hottest thing ever._ _

__Like a stupid little kid, I jumped on her trying to devour her mouth._ _

__She tolerated it for a moment before pushing me away._ _

__I let myself fall on the couch._ _

__As the high passed, I started to become more rational._ _

__“It’s so different.” I said looking at Dharma._ _

__She and James had disposed of the bodies while I had lain there drowsing in almost a drunken stupor._ _

__“I know. James already explained the reason, remember?”_ _

__She sat on the floor next to me._ _

__“I just didn’t think it would be this different.”_ _

__“Not every experience is the same.”_ _

__“I remember the first time. I slept more. And I wasn’t acting like some horny teenager.”_ _

__“Yeah, well. You are a horny teenager.”_ _

__The laugh tore out of me unexpectedly._ _

__I rested my head against Dharma’s shoulder still giggling from time to time._ _

__“You okay?” She asked._ _

__“Yeah. What will you tell them, my parents?”_ _

__“Nothing.”_ _

__“Then how will they know that I’m not coming back home?”_ _

__“Police will investigate and eventually the search for you will be called off.”_ _

__“I don’t want them to suffer.” I say sitting up._ _

__Dharma pulls me back down and then turns to look at me._ _

__“What do you want to do then?”_ _

__“I want to talk to my mom.”_ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__Later on she drives me home. She pulls into the driveway and sits there like a statue._ _

__I look at the front door before getting out of the car._ _

__I know Dharma isn’t going to coach me on what to say, I know what I can and can’t say. The only person I hurt by breaking the rules is my mom. And I love her too much to do  
that but part of me can’t stand the fact that I’m hurting her regardless._ _

__I enter the house and I know that my mom is washing the dishes form dinner. She’s concerned that I’ve been out there past couple of days with people she doesn’t know but she’s  
happy that at least I have friends._ _

__I enter the kitchen._ _

__“Mom?”_ _

__“Hi honey. Sorry that I ate dinner without you but I didn’t know when you were going to be back.”_ _

__“It’s okay. I already ate.”_ _

__“Good.”_ _

__“I have to tell you something.”_ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__She dries her hands and walks over to me._ _

__She studies me and I know she sees the difference._ _

__“I have to go.” I say._ _

__She doesn’t say anything, but I already know what she’s thinking._ _

__“You don’t have to worry about me; I’m going to be fine. I just wanted to come and tell you that I love you and-” I start to tear up and I can’t believe that I’m crying. “I wanted you  
to know that I’ll be okay.”_ _

__“Nate. I don’t understand what you’re talking about. You can’t leave. What are you going to do for money?”_ _

__I shook my head and for a moment I was so choked up that I couldn’t even talk._ _

__She hugged me and her warm body chased away the coldness in my bones, if only for a moment._ _

__See._ _

__I showed her everything._ _

__The dreams, Dharma, the change._ _

__This being I had become._ _

__Her body stiffened for a moment and then held me closer._ _

__I erased the thoughts I had just given her and willed her to sleep._ _

__I carried her to the couch and covered her with the afghan._ _

__Forgive me. I love you._ _

__I kissed her temple and she was my mother for one last time._ _

__******************_ _

__Dharma stared at me from across the room._ _

__It sent chills down my body._ _

__Marcus nudges me with his elbow and I look at the customer talking to me._ _

__My eyes shift over her shoulder again and into large dark eyes that stare at me hungrily._ _

__Marcus sighs and I know he thinks we’re hopeless._ _

__I look at him and then at the babbling customer._ _

__“So you be sure to come out for our event. I’m sure that you will find plenty more customers.”_ _

__“Thank you.” Marcus says for the both of us._ _

__She walks away and I sigh in relief._ _

__“How much longer will you be here?” Marcus asks looking over the inventory list._ _

__“It’s been what? Eight months?” I ask._ _

__Marcus grunts something that sounds like a ‘yeah’._ _

__“I don’t think Dharma wants to be here much longer.”_ _

__I don’t._ _

__“Where will you go then?” He asks._ _

__“I don’t know.” I shrug._ _

__“Anywhere.” Dharma says walking up._ _

__“For how long?” He asks interested._ _

__“For a month, a year.” She says._ _

__“An eternity.” I say holding out my hand to her._ _

__And it’s all I want in this life and the next. For the chance to live out an eternity with her._ _

__My Dharma._ _

__

__The End._ _


End file.
